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as some say； on the other bank at 〃Runningmede；〃 I decline to commit
myself。 As far as my own personal opinion goes； however； I am inclined
to give weight to the popular island theory。 Certainly； had I been one
of the Barons； at the time； I should have strongly urged upon my comrades
the advisability of our getting such a slippery customer as King John on
to the island； where there was less chance of surprises and tricks。
There are the ruins of an old priory in the grounds of Ankerwyke House；
which is close to Picnic Point； and it was round about the grounds of
this old priory that Henry VIII。 is said to have waited for and met Anne
Boleyn。 He also used to meet her at Hever Castle in Kent； and also
somewhere near St。 Albans。 It must have been difficult for the people of
England in those days to have found a spot where these thoughtless young
folk were NOT spooning。
Have you ever been in a house where there are a couple courting？ It is
most trying。 You think you will go and sit in the drawing…room； and you
march off there。 As you open the door； you hear a noise as if somebody
had suddenly recollected something； and； when you get in； Emily is over
by the window； full of interest in the opposite side of the road； and
your friend； John Edward； is at the other end of the room with his whole
soul held in thrall by photographs of other people's relatives。
〃Oh！〃 you say； pausing at the door； 〃I didn't know anybody was here。〃
〃Oh！ didn't you？〃 says Emily； coldly； in a tone which implies that she
does not believe you。
You hang about for a bit； then you say：
〃It's very dark。 Why don't you light the gas？〃
John Edward says； 〃Oh！〃 he hadn't noticed it； and Emily says that papa
does not like the gas lit in the afternoon。
You tell them one or two items of news； and give them your views and
opinions on the Irish question； but this does not appear to interest
them。 All they remark on any subject is； 〃Oh！〃 〃Is it？〃 〃Did he？〃
〃Yes；〃 and 〃You don't say so！〃 And； after ten minutes of such style of
conversation； you edge up to the door； and slip out； and are surprised to
find that the door immediately closes behind you； and shuts itself；
without your having touched it。
Half an hour later； you think you will try a pipe in the conservatory。
The only chair in the place is occupied by Emily； and John Edward； if the
language of clothes can be relied upon； has evidently been sitting on the
floor。 They do not speak； but they give you a look that says all that
can be said in a civilised community； and you back out promptly and shut
the door behind you。
You are afraid to poke your nose into any room in the house now； so；
after walking up and down the stairs for a while； you go and sit in your
own bedroom。 This becomes uninteresting； however； after a time； and so
you put on your hat and stroll out into the garden。 You walk down the
path； and as you pass the summer…house you glance in； and there are those
two young idiots； huddled up into one corner of it； and they see you； and
are evidently under the idea that； for some wicked purpose of your own；
you are following them about。
〃Why don't they have a special room for this sort of thing； and make
people keep to it？〃 you mutter； and you rush back to the hall and get
your umbrella and go out。
It must have been much like this when that foolish boy Henry VIII。 was
courting his little Anne。 People in Buckinghamshire would have come upon
them unexpectedly when they were mooning round Windsor and Wraysbury； and
have exclaimed； 〃Oh！ you here！〃 and Henry would have blushed and said；
〃Yes； he'd just come over to see a man；〃 and Anne would have said； 〃Oh；
I'm so glad to see you！ Isn't it funny？ I've just met Mr。 Henry VIII。
in the lane； and he's going the same way I am。〃
Then those people would have gone away and said to themselves： 〃Oh！ we'd
better get out of here while this billing and cooing is on。 We'll go
down to Kent。〃
And they would go to Kent； and the first thing they would see in Kent；
when they got there； would be Henry and Anne fooling round Hever Castle。
〃Oh； drat this！〃 they would have said。 〃Here； let's go away。 I can't
stand any more of it。 Let's go to St。 Albans … nice quiet place； St。
Albans。〃
And when they reached St。 Albans； there would be that wretched couple；
kissing under the Abbey walls。 Then these folks would go and be pirates
until the marriage was over。
From Picnic Point to Old Windsor Lock is a delightful bit of the river。
A shady road； dotted here and there with dainty little cottages； runs by
the bank up to the 〃Bells of Ouseley；〃 a picturesque inn； as most up…
river inns are； and a place where a very good glass of ale may be drunk …
so Harris says； and on a matter of this kind you can take Harris's word。
Old Windsor is a famous spot in its way。 Edward the Confessor had a
palace here； and here the great Earl Godwin was proved guilty by the
justice of that age of having encompassed the death of the King's
brother。 Earl Godwin broke a piece of bread and held it in his hand。
〃If I am guilty；〃 said the Earl； 〃may this bread choke me when I eat it！〃
Then he put the bread into his mouth and swallowed it； and it choked him；
and he died。
After you pass Old Windsor； the river is somewhat uninteresting； and does
not become itself again until you are nearing Boveney。 George and I
towed up past the Home Park； which stretches along the right bank from
Albert to Victoria Bridge； and as we were passing Datchet； George asked
me if I remembered our first trip up the river； and when we landed at
Datchet at ten o'clock at night； and wanted to go to bed。
I answered that I did remember it。 It will be some time before I forget
it。
It was the Saturday before the August Bank Holiday。 We were tired and
hungry； we same three； and when we got to Datchet we took out the hamper；
the two bags； and the rugs and coats； and such like things； and started
off to look for diggings。 We passed a very pretty little hotel； with
clematis and creeper over the porch； but there was no honeysuckle about
it； and； for some reason or other； I had got my mind fixed on
honeysuckle； and I said：
〃Oh； don't let's go in there！ Let's go on a bit further； and see if
there isn't one with honeysuckle over it。〃
So we went on till we came to another hotel。 That was a very nice hotel；
too； and it had honey…suckle on it； round at the side； but Harris did not
like the look of a man who was leaning against the front door。 He said
he didn't look a nice man at all； and he wore ugly boots： so we went on
further。 We went a goodish way without coming across any more hotels；
and then we met a man； and asked him to direct us to a few。
He said：
〃Why； you are coming away from them。 You must turn right round and go
back； and then you will come to the Stag。〃
We said：
〃Oh； we had been there； and didn't like it … no honeysuckle over it。〃
〃Well； then；〃 he said； 〃there's the Manor House； just opposite。 Have you
tried that？〃
Harris replied that we did not want to go there … didn't like the looks
of a man who was stopping there … Harris did not like the colour of his
hair； didn't like his boots； either。
〃Well； I don't know what you'll do； I'm sure；〃 said our informant；
〃because they are the only two inns in the place。〃
〃No other inns！〃 exclaimed Harris。
〃None；〃 replied the man。
〃What on earth are we to do？〃 cried Harris。
Then George spoke up。 He said Harris and I could get an hotel built for
us； if we liked； and have some people made to put in。 For his part； he
was going back to the Stag。
The greatest minds never realise their ideals in any matter； and Harris
and I sighed over the hollowness of all earthly desires； and followed
George。
We took our traps into the Stag； and laid them down in the hall。
The landlord came up and said：
〃Good evening； gentlemen。〃
〃Oh； good evening；〃 said George； 〃we want three beds； please。〃
〃Very sorry； sir；〃 said the landlord； 〃but I'm afraid we can't manage
it。〃
〃Oh； well； never mind；〃 said George； 〃two will do。 Two of us can sleep
in one bed； can't we？〃 he continued； turning to Harris and me。
Harris said； 〃Oh； yes；〃 he thought George and I could sleep in one bed
very easily。
〃Very sorry； sir；〃 again repeated the landlord： 〃but we really haven't
got a bed vacant in the whole house。 In fact； we are putting two； and
even three gentlemen in one bed； as it is。〃
This staggered us for a bit。
But Harris； who is an old traveller； rose to the occasion； and； laughing
cheerily； said：
〃Oh； well； we can't help it。 We must rough it。 You must give us a
shake…down in the billiard…room。〃
〃Very sorry； sir。 Three gentlemen sl