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yield and not venture to reprove thee openly； and so long as they
dare not； all will be well。 Nevertheless I would have thee keep
within certain bounds； lest men turn upon thee if thy rule is too
oppressive to be borne。 And under this head I would class also the
care and tending of the sick； for in the first place the sick have
many delicacies which those who are sound have not； so that if thou
lay the matter well； thou mayest obtain the lion's share of these
things also。 But more particularly the minds of men being weak and
easily overpowered when they are in sickness； thou shalt obtain much
hold over them； and when they are well （whether thou didst really
comfort them or not） they will fear to say aught against thee； lest
men shall accuse them of ingratitude。 But above all see thou do
this openly and in the sight of men； who thinking in consequence
that thy heart is very soft and amiable notwithstanding a few
outward defects； will not fail to commend thee and submit to thee
the more readily； and so on all counts thou art the gainer； and it
will serve thee as an excuse with the authorities for the neglect or
breach of duty。 But all this is the work of an exceedingly refined
and clever power and not absolutely necessary； but I have named it
as a means of making thy yoke really the lighter but nevertheless
the more firmly settled upon the neck of thy fellows。 So much then
for the love of self。
As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy dress； in
the trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers； in thy walk and
carriage； in the company thou keepest； seeing that thou go with none
but powers or men of wealth or men of title； and caring not so much
for men of parts； since these commonly deal less in the exterior and
are not fit associates； for thou canst have nothing in common with
them。 When thou goest to thy dinner let a time elapse； so that
thine entry may cause a noise and a disturbance； and when after much
bustling thou hast taken thy seat； say not： 〃Waiter； will you order
me green peas and a glass of college；〃 but say： 〃Waiter （and then a
pause）； peas；〃 and then suffer him to depart； and when he hath gone
some little way recall him with a loud voice； which shall reach even
unto the ears of the fellows； say； 〃and； waiter； college〃； and when
they are brought unto thee complain bitterly of the same。 When thou
goest to chapel talk much during the service； or pray much； do not
the thing by halves； thou must either be the very religious power；
which kind though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the
greater advantage； or the thoughtless power； but above all see thou
combine not the two； at least not in the same company； but let thy
religion be the same to the same men。 Always； if thou be a careless
power； come in late to chapel and hurriedly； sit with the other
powers and converse with them on the behaviour of others or any
other light and agreeable topic。 And； as I said above； under this
love of show thou must include the choice of thine acquaintance； and
as it is not possible for thee to order it so as not to have
knowledge of certain men whom it will not be convenient for thee to
know at all times and in all places； see thou cultivate those two
excellent defects of both sight and hearing which will enable thee
to pass one thou wouldst not meet； without seeing him or hearing his
salutation。 If thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who is somewhat
rustic or uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an excellent
heart； know him in private in thine individual capacity； but when
thou art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he
were a venomous thing and deadly。 Again； if thou sittest at table
with a man at the house of a friend and laughest and talkest with
him and playest pleasant； if he be not perfect in respect of
externals see thou pass him the next day without a smile； even
though he may have prepared his countenance for a thousand grins；
but if in the house of the same friend or another thou shouldst
happen to stumble upon him； deal with him as though thy previous
conversation had broken off but five minutes previously； but should
he be proud and have all nothing to say unto thee； forthwith
calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a sorry…spirited fellow and
mean。
And with regard to smoking； though that； too； is advantageous； it is
not necessary so much for the power as for the fast man； for the
power is a more calculating and thoughtful being than this one； but
if thou smokest； see that others know it； smoke cigars if thou canst
afford them； if not； say thou wonderest at such as do； for to thy
liking a pipe is better。 And with regard to all men except thine
own favoured and pre…eminent clique； designate them as 〃cheerful；〃
〃lively；〃 or use some other ironical term with regard to them。 So
much then for the love of show。
And of the love of sound I would have thee observe that it is but a
portion of the love of show； but so necessary for him who would be
admired without being at the same time excellent and worthy of
admiration as to deserve a separate heading to itself。 At meal…
times talk loudly； laugh loudly； condemn loudly； if thou sneezest
sneeze loudly； if thou call the waiter do so with a noise and； if
thou canst； while he is speaking to another and receiving orders
from him； it will be a convenient test of thine advance to see
whether he will at once quit the other in the midst of his speech
with him and come to thee； or will wait until the other hath done；
if thou handle it well he will come to thee at once。 When others
are in their rooms； as thou passeth underneath their windows； sing
loudly and all men will know that a power goeth by and will hush
accordingly； if thou hast a good voice it will profit thee much； if
a bad one； care not so long as it be a loud one； but above all be it
remembered that it is to be loud at all times and not low when with
powers greater than thyself； for this damneth mucheven powers
being susceptible of awe； when they shall behold one resolutely bent
to out…top them； and thinking it advisable to lend such an one a
helping hand lest he overthrow thembut if thy voice be not a loud
one； thou hadst better give up at once the hope of rising to a
height by thine own skill； but must cling to and flatter those who
have； and if thou dost this well thou wilt succeed。
And of personal strength and prowess in bodily accomplishment；
though of great help in the origin； yet are they not necessary； but
the more thou lackest physical and mental powers the more must thou
cling to the powerful and rise with them； the more careful must thou
be of thy dress； and the more money will it cost thee； for thou must
fill well the bladders that keep thee on the surface； else wilt thou
sink。
And of reserve； let no man know anything about thee。 If thy father
is a greengrocer； as I dare say is the case with some of the most
mighty powers in the land； what matter so long as another knoweth it
not？ See that thou quell all inquisitive attempts to discover
anything about thine habits； thy country； thy parentage； and； in a
word； let no one know anything of thee beyond the exterior； for if
thou dost let them within thy soul； they will find but little； but
if it be barred and locked； men will think that by reason of thy
strong keeping of the same； it must contain much； and they will
admire thee upon credit。
And of openness； be reserved in the particular； open in the general；
talk of debts； of women； of money； but say not what debts； what
women； or what money； be most open when thou doest a shabby thing；
which thou knowest will not escape detection。 If thy coat is bad；
laugh and boast concerning it； call attention to it and say thou
hast had it for ten years； which will be a lie； but men will
nevertheless think thee frank； but run not the risk of wearing a bad
coat； save only in vacation time or in the country。 But when thou
doest a shabby thing which will not reach the general light； breathe
not a word of it； but bury it deeply in some corner of thine own
knowledge only； if it come out； glory in it； if not； let it sleep；
for it is an unprofitable thing to turn over bad ground。
And of distrust； distrust all men； most of all thine own friends；
they will know thee best； and thou them； thy real worth cannot
escape them； think not then that thou wilt get service out of them
in thy need； think not that they will deny themselves that thou
mayest be saved from want； that they will in after life put out a
finger to save thee； when thou canst be of no more use to them； the
clique having been broken up by time。 Nay； but be in thyself
sufficient； distrust； and lean not so much as an ounce…weight upon
another。
These things keep and thou shalt do well； keep them all and thou
wilt be perfect； the more thou keep； the more nearly wilt thou
arrive at the end I proposed to thee at the commencement； and even
if thou doest but one of these things thoroughly； trust me thou wilt
still have much power over thy fellows。
A SKIT ON EXAMINATIONS
＇It should be explained that Tom Bridges was a gyp at St。 John's
College； during Butler's residence at Cam