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then invited me into her room； where she asked
me if I felt ill。 I assured her that I did not。 She
asked a great many additional questions and； little
by little； under the womanly sympathy of them；
my reserve broke down and she finally got at the
truth； which until that hour I had succeeded in
concealing。 She let me leave without much com…
ment； but the next day she again invited me into
her office and came directly to the purpose of the
interview。
‘‘Miss Shaw；'' she said； ‘‘I have been talking to a
friend of mine about you； and she would like to
make a bargain with you。 She thinks you are work…
ing too hard。 She will pay you three dollars and
a half a week for the rest of this school year if
you will promise to give up your preaching。 She
wants you to rest； study； and take care of your
health。''
I asked the name of my unknown friend； but
Mrs。 Barrett said that was to remain a secret。 She
had been given a check for seventy…eight dollars；
and from this； she explained； my allowance would
be paid in weekly instalments。 I took the money
very gratefully； and a few years later I returned
the amount to the Missionary Society； but I never
learned the identity of my benefactor。 Her three
dollars and a half a week； added to the weekly two
dollars I was allowed for room rent； at once solved
the problem of living； and now that meal…hours
had a meaning in my life； my health improved and
my horizon brightened。 I spent most of my evenings
in study； and my Sundays in the churches of Phil…
lips Brooks and James Freeman Clark； my favorite
ministers。 Also； I joined the university's praying…
band of students； and took part in the missionary…
work among the women of the streets。 I had never
forgotten my early friend in Lawrence； the beautiful
‘‘mysterious lady'' who had loved me as a child；
and； in memory of her； I set earnestly about the
effort to help unfortunates of her class。 I went
into the homes of these women； followed them to
the streets and the dance…halls； talked to them；
prayed with them； and made friends among them。
Some of them I was able to help； but many were
beyond help； and I soon learned that the effective
work in that field is the work which is done for
women before； not after； they have fallen。
During my vacation in the summer of 1876 I went
to Cape Cod and earned my expenses by substituting
in local pulpits。 Here； at East Dennis； I formed the
friendship which brought me at once the greatest
happiness and the deepest sorrow of that period of
my life。 My new friend was a widow whose name
was Persis Addy； and she was also the daughter of
Captain Prince Crowell； then the most prominent
man in the Cape Cod communitya bank president；
a railroad director； and a citizen of wealth； as wealth
was rated in those days。 When I returned to the
theological school in the autumn Mrs。 Addy came
to Boston with me； and from that time until her
death； two years later； we lived together。 She was
immensely interested in my work； and the friendly
part she took in it diverted her mind from the be…
reavement over which she had brooded for years；
while to me her coming opened windows into a new
world。 I was no longer lonely； and though in my
life with her I paid my way to the extent of my
small income； she gave me my first experience of an
existence in which comfort and culture； recreation；
and leisurely reading were cheerful commonplaces。
For the first time I had some one to come home to；
some one to confide in； some one to talk to； listen
to； and love。 We read together and went to con…
certs together； and it was during this winter that I
attended my first theatrical performance。 The star
was Mary Anderson； in ‘‘Pygmalion and Galatea；''
and play and player charmed me so utterly that I
saw them every night that week； sitting high in the
gallery and enjoying to the utmost the unfolding of
this new delight。 It was so glowing a pleasure that
I longed to make some return to the giver of it； but
not until many years afterward； when I met Ma…
dame Navarro in London； was I able to tell her
what the experience had been and to thank her
for it。
I did not long enjoy the glimpses into my new
world； for soon； and most tragically； it was closed
to me。 In the spring following our first Boston
winter together Mrs。 Addy and I went to Hingham；
Massachusetts； where I had been appointed tempo…
rary pastor of the Methodist Church。 There Mrs。
Addy was taken ill； and as she grew steadily worse
we returned to Boston to live near the best availa…
ble physicians； who for months theorized over her
malady without being able to diagnose it。 At last
her father； Captain Crowell； sent to Paris for Dr。
Brown…Sequard； then the most distinguished special…
ist of his day； and Dr。 Brown…Sequard； when he
arrived and examined his patient； discovered that
she had a tumor on the brain。 She had had a great
shock in her lifethe tragic death of her husband
at sea during their wedding tour around the world
and it was believed that her disease dated from that
time。 Nothing could be done for her； and she failed
daily during our second year together； and died in
March； 1878； just before I finished my theological
course and while I was still temporary pastor of the
church at Hingham。 Every moment I could take
from my parish and my studies I spent with her； and
those were sorrowful months。 In her poor； tortured
brain the idea formed that I； not she； was the sick
person in our family of two； and when we were at
home together she insisted that I must lie down and
let her nurse me； then for hours she brooded over
me； trying to relieve the agony she believed I was
experiencing。 When at last she was at peace her
father and I took her home to Cape Cod and laid
her in the graveyard of the little church where we
had met at the beginning of our brief and beautiful
friendship； and the subsequent loneliness I felt
was far greater than any I had ever suffered in the
past； for now I had learned the meaning of com…
panionship。
Three months after Mrs。 Addy's death I grad…
uated。 She had planned to take me abroad； and
during our first winter together we had spent count…
less hours talking and dreaming of our European
wanderings。 When she found that she must die she
made her will and left me fifteen hundred dollars
for the visit to Europe； insisting that I must carry
out the plan we had made； and during her conscious
periods she constantly talked of this and made me
promise that I would go。 After her death it seemed
to me that to go without her was impossible。 Every…
thing of beauty I looked upon would hold memories
of her； keeping fresh my sorrow and emphasizing
my loneliness； but it was her last expressed desire
that I should go； and I went。
First； however； I had graduatedclad in a brand…
new black silk gown； and with five dollars in my
pocket； which I kept there during the graduation
exercises。 I felt a special satisfaction in the pos…
session of that money； for； notwithstanding the
handicap of being a woman； I was said to be the
only member of my class who had worked during
the entire course； graduated free from debt； and
had a new outfit as well as a few dollars in cash。
I graduated without any special honors。 Pos…
sibly I might have won some if I had made the effort；
but my graduation year； as I have just explained；
had been very difficult。 As it was； I was merely a
good average student； feeling my isolation as the
only woman in my class； but certainly not spurring
on my men associates by the display of any brilliant
gifts。 Naturally； I missed a great deal of class
fellowship and class support； and throughout my
entire course I rarely entered my class…room with…
out the abysmal conviction that I was not really
wanted there。 But some of the men were good…
humoredly cordial； and several of them are among
my friends to…day。 Between myself and my family
there still existed the breach I had created when
I began to preach。 With the exception of Mary and
James； my people openly regarded me； during my
theological course； as a dweller in outer darkness；
and even my mother's love was clouded by what
she felt to be my deliberate and persistent flouting
of her wishes。
Toward the end of my university experience； how…
ever； an incident occurred which apparently changed
my mother's viewpoint。 She was now living with
my sister Mary； in Big Rapids； Michigan； and； on
the occasion of one of my rare and brief visits to
them I was invited to preach in the local church。
Here； for the first time； my mother heard me。
Dutifully escorted by one of my brothers； she at…
tended church that morning in a state of shivering
nervousness。 I do not know what she expected me
to do or say； but toward the end of the sermon it
became clear that I had not ju