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into place； tail…end foremost （like horses getting between shafts）； where some hidden mechanism screwed or clinched them to their moorings。
Collars and cuffs （integral parts of the primitive garment） are now a labyrinth； in which all but the initiated must lose themselves； being double…decked； detachable； reversible； and made of every known substance except linen。 The cuff most in favor can be worn four different ways； and is attached to the shirt by a steel instrument three inches long； with a nipper at each end。 The amount of white visible below the coat… sleeve is regulated by another contrivance； mostly of elastic； worn further up the arm； around the biceps。 Modern collars are retained in position by a system of screws and levers。 Socks are attached no longer with the old…fashioned garter； but by aid of a little harness similar to that worn by pug… dogs。
One traveller； after lacing his shoes； adjusted a contrivance resembling a black beetle on the knot to prevent its untying。 He also wore 〃hygienic suspenders；〃 a discovery of great importance （over three thousand patents have been taken out for this one necessity of the toilet！）。 This brace performs several tasks at the same time； such as holding unmentionable garments in place； keeping the wearer erect； and providing a night…key guard。 It is also said to cure liver and kidney disease by means of an arrangement of pulleys which throw the strain according to the wearer's position … I omit the rest of its qualities！
The watches of my companions； I noticed with astonishment； all wore India…rubber ruffs around their necks。 Here curiosity getting the better of discretion； I asked what purpose that invention served。 It was graciously explained to me how such ruffs prevented theft。 They were so made that it was impossible to draw your watch out of a pocket unless you knew the trick； which struck me as a mitigated blessing。 In fact； the idea kept occurring that life might become terribly uncomfortable under these complex conditions for absent…minded people。
Pencils； I find； are no longer put into pockets or slipped behind the ear。 Every commercial 〃gent〃 wears a patent on his chest； where his pen and pencil nestle in a coil of wire。 Eyeglasses are not allowed to dangle aimlessly about； as of old； but retire with a snap into an oval box； after the fashion of roller shades。 Scarf…pins have guards screwed on from behind； and undergarments … but here modesty stops my pen。
Seeing that I was interested in their make…up； several travelling agents on the train got out their boxes and showed me the latest artifices that could be attached to the person。 One gentleman produced a collection of rings made to go on the finger with a spring； like bracelets； an arrangement； he explained； that was particularly convenient for people afflicted with enlarged joints！
Another tempted me with what he called a 〃literary shirt front；〃 … it was in fact a paper pad； from which for cleanliness a leaf could be peeled each morning； the 〃wrong〃 side of the sheet thus removed contained a calendar； much useful information； and the chapters of a 〃continued〃 story； which ended when the 〃dickey〃 was used up。
A third traveller was 〃pushing〃 a collar…button that plied as many trades as Figaro； combining the functions of cravat… holder； stud； and scarf…pin。 Not being successful in selling me one of these； he brought forward something 〃without which；〃 he assured me； 〃no gentleman's wardrobe was complete〃！ It proved to be an insidious arrangement of gilt wire； which he adjusted on his poor； overworked collar…button； and then tied his cravat through and around it。 〃No tie thus made；〃 he said； 〃would ever slip or get crooked。〃 He had been so civil that it was embarrassing not to buy something of him； I invested twenty…five cents in the cravat…holder； as it seemed the least complicated of the patents on exhibition； not； however； having graduated in a school of mechanics I have never been able to make it work。 It takes an hour to tie a cravat with its aid； and as long to get it untied。 Most of the men in that car； I found； got around the difficulty by wearing ready…made ties which fastened behind with a clasp。
It has been suggested that the reason our compatriots have such a strained and anxious look is because they are all trying to remember the numbers of their streets and houses； the floor their office is on； and the combination of their safes。 I am inclined to think that the hunted look we wear comes from an awful fear of forgetting the secrets of our patents and being unable to undo ourselves in an emergency！
Think for a moment of the horror of coming home tired and sleepy after a convivial evening； and finding that some of your hidden machinery had gone wrong； that by a sudden movement you had disturbed the nice balance of some lever which in revenge refused to release its prey！ The inventors of one well…known cuff…holder claim that it had a 〃bull…dog grip。〃 Think of sitting dressed all night in the embrace of that mechanical canine until the inventor could be called in to set you free！
I never doubted that bravery was the leading characteristic of the American temperament； since that glimpse into the secret composition of my compatriots； admiration has been vastly increased。 The foolhardy daring it must require … dressed as those men were … to go out in a thunder…storm makes one shudder： it certainly could not be found in any other race。 The danger of cross…country hunting or bull…fighting is as nothing compared to the risk a modern American takes when he sits in a trolley…car； where the chances of his machinery forming a fatal 〃short circuit〃 must be immense。 The utter impossibility in which he finds himself of making a toilet quickly on account of so many time…saving accessories must increase his chances of getting 〃left〃 in an accident about fifty per cent。 Who but one of our people could contemplate with equanimity the thought of attempting the adjustment of such delicate and difficult combinations while a steamer was sinking and the life…boats being manned？
Our grandfathers contributed the wooden nutmeg to civilization； and endowed a grateful universe with other money…saving devices。 To…day the inventor takes the American baby from his cradle and does not release him even at the grave。 What a treat one of the machine…made men of to…day will be to the archeologists of the year 3000； when they chance upon a well…preserved specimen； with all his patents thick upon I him！ With a prophetic eye one can almost see the kindly old gentleman of that day studying the paraphernalia found in the tomb and attempting to account for the different pieces。 Ink will flow and discussions rage between the camp maintaining that cuff…holders were tutelar deities buried with the dead by pious relatives and the croup asserting that the little pieces of steel were a form of pocket money in the year 1900。 Both will probably misquote Tennyson and Kipling in support of their theories。
The question has often been raised； What side of our nineteenth…century civilization will be most admired by future generations？ In view of the above facts there can remain little doubt that when the secrets of the paper collar and the trouser…stretcher have become lost arts； it will be those benefits that remote ages will envy us； and rare specimens of 〃ventilated shoes〃 and 〃reversible tissue…paper undergarments〃 will form the choicest treasures of the collector。
Chapter 5 … Parnassus
MANY years ago； a gentleman with whom I was driving in a distant quarter of Paris took me to a house on the rue Montparnasse； where we remained an hour or more； he chatting with its owner； and I listening to their conversation； and wondering at the confusion of books in the big room。 As we drove away； my companion turned to me and said； 〃Don't forget this afternoon。 You have seen one of the greatest writers our century has produced； although the world does not yet realize it。 You will learn to love his works when you are older； and it will be a satisfaction to remember that you saw and spoke with him in the flesh！ 〃
When I returned later to Paris the little house had changed hands； and a marble tablet stating that Sainte…Beuve had lived and died there adorned its facade。 My student footsteps took me many times through that quiet street； but never without a vision of the poet…critic flashing back； as I glanced up at the window where he had stood and talked with us； as my friend predicted； Sainte…Beuve's writings had become a precious part of my small library； the memory of his genial face adding a vivid interest to their perusal。
I made a little Pilgrimage recently to the quiet old garden where； after many years' delay； a bust of this writer has been unveiled； with the same companion； now very old； who thirty years ago presented me to the original。
There is； perhaps； in all Paris no more exquisite corner than the Garden of the Luxembourg。 At every season it is beautiful。 The winter sunlight seems to linger on its stately Italian terraces after it has cease