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ould this poor wretch suffer sofor no fault； no fault； while he； and these others； and that snapping counsel； and the Caesar…like judge up there； went off to their women and their homes； blithe as bees； and probably never thought of him again？ And suddenly he was conscious of the judge's voice：
〃You will go back to your regiment； and endeavour to serve your country with better spirit。 You may thank the jury that you are not sent to prison； and your good fortune that you were not at the front when you tried to commit this cowardly act。 You are lucky to be alive。〃
A policeman pulled the little soldier by the arm； his drab figure with eyes fixed and lustreless； passed down and away。 From his very soul Mr。 Bosengate wanted to lean out and say： 〃Cheer up； cheer up！ I understand。〃
It was nearly ten o'clock that evening before he reached home； motoring back from the route march。 His physical tiredness was abated； for he had partaken of a snack and a whisky and soda at the hotel； but mentally he was in a curious mood。 His body felt appeased； his spirit hungry。 Tonight he had a yearning； not for his wife's kisses； but for her understanding。 He wanted to go to her and say： 〃I've learnt a lot to…day…found out things I never thought of。 Life's a wonderful thing； Kate； a thing one can't live all to oneself； a thing one shares with everybody； so that when another suffers； one suffers too。 It's come to me that what one has doesn't matter a bitit's what one does； and how one sympathises with other people。 It came to me in the most extraordinary vivid way； when I was on that jury； watching that poor little rat of a soldier in his trap； it's the first time I've ever feltthethe spirit of Christ； you know。 It's a wonderful thing； Katewonderful！ We haven't been closereally close； you and I； so that we each understand what the other is feeling。 It's all in that； you know； understanding sympathyit's priceless。 When I saw that poor little devil taken down and sent back to his regiment to begin his sorrows all over againwanting his wife； thinking and thinking of her just as you know I would be thinking and wanting you； I felt what an awful outside sort of life we lead； never telling each other what we really think and feel； never being really close。 I daresay that little chap and his wife keep nothing from each otherlive each other's lives。 That's what we ought to do。 Let's get to feeling that what really matters isunderstanding and loving； and not only just saying it as we all do； those fellows on the jury； and even that poor devil of a judgewhat an awful life judging one's fellow…creatures
When I left that poor little Tommy this morning； and ever since； I've longed to get back here quietly to you and tell you about it； and make a beginning。 There's something wonderful in this； and I want you to feel it as I do； because you mean such a lot to me。〃
This was what he wanted to say to his wife； not touching； or kissing her； just looking into her eyes； watching them soften and glow as they surely must； catching the infection of his new ardour。 And he felt unsteady； fearfully unsteady with the desire to say it all as it should be said： swiftly； quietly； with the truth and fervour of his feeling。
The hall was not lit up； for daylight still lingered under the new arrangement。 He went towards the drawing…room； but from the very door shied off to his study and stood irresolute under the picture of a 〃Man catching a flea〃 （Dutch school）； which had come down to him from his father。 The governess would be in there with his wife！ He must wait。 Essential to go straight to Kathleen and pour it all out； or he would never do it。 He felt as nervous as an undergraduate going up for his viva' voce。 This thing was so big； so astoundingly and unexpectedly important。 He was suddenly afraid of his wife； afraid of her coolness and her grace； and that something Japanese about herof all those attributes he had been accustomed to admire most； afraid； as it were； of her attraction。 He felt young to…night； almost boyish； would she see that he was not really fifteen years older than herself； and she not really a part of his collection； of all the admirable appointments of his home； but a companion spirit to one who wanted a companion badly。 In this agitation of his soul he could keep still no more than he could last night in the agitation of his senses； and he wandered into the dining…room。 A dainty supper was set out there； sandwiches； and cake； whisky and the cigarettes… even an early peach。 Mr。 Bosengate looked at this peach with sorrow rather than disgust。 The perfection of it was of a piece with all that had gone before this new and sudden feeling。 Its delicious bloom seemed to heighten his perception of the hedge around him； that hedge of the things he so enjoyed； carefully planted and tended these many years。 He passed it by uneaten； and went to the window。 Out there all was darkening； the fountain； the lime tree； the flower… beds； and the fields below； with the Jersey cows who would come to your call； darkening slowly； losing form； blurring into soft blackness； vanishing； but there none the lessall therethe hedge of his possessions。 He heard the door of the drawing…room open； the voices of his wife and the governess in the hall； going up to bed。 If only they didn't look in here！ If only！ The voices ceased。 He was safe nowhad but to follow in a few minutes； to make sure of Kathleen alone。 He turned round and stared down the length of the dark dining…room； over the rosewood table； to where in the mirror above the sideboard at the far end； his figure bathed； a stain； a mere blurred shadow； he made his way down to it along the table edge； and stood before himself as close as he could get。 His throat and the roof of his mouth felt dry with nervousness； he put out his finger and touched his face in the glass。 'You're an ass！' he thought。 'Pull yourself together； and get it over。 She will see； of course she will！' He swallowed； smoothed his moustache； and walked out。 Going up the stairs； his heart beat painfully； but he was in for it now； and marched straight into her room。 Dressed only in a loose blue wrapper； she was brushing her dark hair before the glass。 Mr。 Bosengate went up to her and stood there silent； looking down。 The words he had thought of were like a swarm of bees buzzing in his head； yet not one would fly from between his lips。 His wife went on brushing her hair under the light which shone on her polished elbows。 She looked up at him from beneath one lifted eyebrow。
〃Well； deartired？〃
With a sort of vehemence the single word 〃No〃 passed out。 A faint； a quizzical smile flitted over her face； she shrugged her shoulders ever so gently。 That gesturehe had seen it before！ And in desperate desire to make her understand； he put his hand on her lifted arm。
〃Kathleen； stoplisten to me！〃 His fingers tightened in his agitation and eagerness to make his great discovery known。 But before he could get out a word he became conscious of that cool round arm； conscious of her eyes half…closed； sliding round at him； of her half…smiling lips； of her neck under the wrapper。 And he stammered：
〃I wantI mustKathleen； I…〃
She lifted her shoulders again in that little shrug。 〃YesI know； all right！〃
A wave of heat and shame； and of God knows what came over Mr。 Bosengate； he fell on his knees and pressed his forehead to her arm； and he was silent； more silent than the grave。 Nothingnothing came from him but two long sighs。 Suddenly he felt her hand stroke his cheekcompassionately； it seemed to him。 She made a little movement towards him； her lips met his； and he remembered nothing but that。。。。
In his own room Mr。 Bosengate sat at his wide open window； smoking a cigarette； there was no light。 Moths went past； the moon was creeping up。 He sat very calm； puffing the smoke out in to the night air。 Curious thing…life！ Curious world！ Curious forces in it making one do the opposite of what one wished； alwaysalways making one do the opposite； it seemed！ The furtive light from that creeping moon was getting hold of things down there； stealing in among the boughs of the trees。 'There's something ironical；' he thought； 'which walks about。 Things don't come off as you think they will。 I meant； I tried but one doesn't change like that all of a sudden； it seems。 Fact is； life's too big a thing for one！ All the same； I'm not the man I was yesterdaynot quite！' He closed his eyes； and in one of those flashes of vision which come when the senses are at rest； he saw himself as it were far down belowdown on the floor of a street narrow as a grave； high as a mountain； a deep dark slit of a street walking down there； a black midget of a fellow； among other black midgetshis wife； and the little soldier； the judge； and those jury chapsfantoches straight up on their tiny feet； wandering down there in that dark； infinitely tall； and narrow street。 'Too much for one！' he thought； 'Too high for oneno getting on top of it。 We've got to be kind； and help one another； and not expect too much； and not think too much。 That'sall！' And； squeezing out his cigarette； he took six deep breaths of the night air； and got into bed。