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en to go; I returned home。
Marguerite had not answered。
I need not tell you in what state of agitation I spent the next day。 At half past nine a messenger brought me an envelope containing my letter and the five…hundred…franc note; not a word more。
〃Who gave you this?〃 I asked the man。
〃A lady who was starting with her maid in the next mail for Boulogne; and who told me not to take it until the coach was out of the courtyard。〃
I rushed to the Rue d'Antin。
〃Madame left for England at six o'clock;〃 said the porter。
There was nothing to hold me in Paris any longer; neither hate nor love。 I was exhausted by this series of shocks。 One of my friends was setting out on a tour in the East。 I told my father I should like to accompany him; my father gave me drafts and letters of introduction; and eight or ten days afterward I embarked at Marseilles。
It was at Alexandria that I learned from an attache at the embassy; whom I had sometimes seen at Marguerite's; that the poor girl was seriously ill。
I then wrote her the letter which she answered in the way you know; I received it at Toulon。
I started at once; and you know the rest。
Now you have only to read a few sheets which Julie Duprat gave me; they are the best commentary on what I have just told you。
Chapter 25
Armand; tired by this long narrative; often interrupted by his tears; put his two hands over his forehead and closed his eyes to think; or to try to sleep; after giving me the pages written by the hand of Marguerite。 A few minutes after; a more rapid breathing told me that Armand slept; but that light sleep which the least sound banishes。
This is what I read; I copy it without adding or omitting a syllable:
To…day is the 15th December。 I have been ill three or four days。 This morning I stayed in bed。 The weather is dark; I am sad; there is no one by me。 I think of you; Armand。 And you; where are you; while I write these lines? Far from Paris; far; far; they tell me; and perhaps you have already forgotten Marguerite。 Well; be happy; I owe you the only happy moments in my life。
I can not help wanting to explain all my conduct to you; and I have written you a letter; but; written by a girl like me; such a letter might seem to be a lie; unless death had sanctified it by its authority; and; instead of a letter; it were a confession。
To…day I am ill; I may die of this illness; for I have always had the presentiment that I shall die young。 My mother died of consumption; and the way I have always lived could but increase the only heritage she ever left me。 But I do not want to die without clearing up for you everything about me; that is; if; when you come back; you will still trouble yourself about the poor girl whom you loved before you went away。
This is what the letter contained; I shall like writing it over again; so as to give myself another proof of my own justification。
You remember; Armand; how the arrival of your father surprised us at Bougival; you remember the involuntary fright that his arrival caused me; and the scene which took place between you and him; which you told me of in the evening。
Next day; when you were at Paris; waiting for your father; and he did not return; a man came to the door and handed in a letter from M。 Duval。
His letter; which I inclose with this; begged me; in the most serious terms; to keep you away on the following day; on some excuse or other; and to see your father; who wished to speak to me; and asked me particularly not to say anything to you about it。
You know how I insisted on your returning to Paris next day。
You had only been gone an hour when your father presented himself。 I won't say what impression his severe face made upon me。 Your father had the old theory that a courtesan is a being without heart or reason; a sort of machine for coining gold; always ready; like the machine; to bruise the hand that gives her everything; and to tear in pieces; without pity or discernment; those who set her in motion。
Your father had written me a very polite letter; in order that I might consent to see him; he did not present himself quite as he had written。 His manner at first was so stiff; insolent; and even threatening; that I had to make him understand that I was in my own house; and that I had no need to render him an account of my life; except because of the sincere affection which I had for his son。
M。 Duval calmed down a little; but still went on to say that he could not any longer allow his son to ruin himself over me; that I was beautiful; it was true; but; however beautiful I might be; I ought not to make use of my beauty to spoil the future of a young man by such expenditure as I was causing。
At that there was only one thing to do; to show him the proof that since I was your mistress I had spared no sacrifice to be faithful to you without asking for more money than you had to give me。 I showed him the pawn tickets; the receipts of the people to whom I had sold what I could not pawn; I told him of my resolve to part with my furniture in order to pay my debts; and live with you without being a too heavy expense。 I told him of our happiness; of how you had shown me the possibility of a quieter and happier life; and he ended by giving in to the evidence; offering me his hand; and asking pardon for the way in which he had at first approached me。
Then he said to me:
〃So; madame; it is not by remonstrances or by threats; but by entreaties; that I must endeavour to obtain from you a greater sacrifice than you have yet made for my son。〃
I trembled at this beginning。
Your father came over to me; took both my hands; and continued in an affectionate voice:
〃My child; do not take what I have to say to you amiss; only remember that there are sometimes in life cruel necessities for the heart; but that they must be submitted to。 You are good; your soul has generosity unknown to many women who perhaps despise you; and are less worthy than you。 But remember that there is not only the mistress; but the family; that besides love there are duties; that to the age of passion succeeds the age when man; if he is to be respected; must plant himself solidly in a serious position。 My son has no fortune; and yet he is ready to abandon to you the legacy of his mother。 If he accepted from you the sacrifice which you are on the point of making; his honour and dignity would require him to give you; in exchange for it; this income; which would always put you out of danger of adversity。 But he can not accept this sacrifice; because the world; which does not know you; would give a wrong interpretation to this acceptance; and such an interpretation must not tarnish the name which we bear。 No one would consider whether Armand loves you; whether you love him; whether this mutual love means happiness to him and redemption to you; they would see only one thing; that Armand Duval allowed a kept woman (forgive me; my child; for what I am forced to say to you) to sell all she had for him。 Then the day of reproaches and regrets would arrive; be sure; for you or for others; and you would both bear a chain that you could not sever。 What would you do then? Your youth would be lost; my son's future destroyed; and I; his father; should receive from only one of my children the recompense that I look for from both。
〃You are young; beautiful; life will console you; you are noble; and the memory of a good deed will redeem you from many past deeds。 During the six months that he has known you Armand has forgotten me。 I wrote to him four times; and he has never once replied。 I might have died and he not known it!
〃Whatever may be your resolution of living otherwise than as you have lived; Armand; who loves you; will never consent to the seclusion to which his modest fortune would condemn you; and to which your beauty does not entitle you。 Who knows what he would do then! He has gambled; I know; without telling you of it; I know also; but; in a moment of madness; he might have lost part of what I have saved; during many years; for my daughter's portion; for him; and for the repose of my old age。 What might have happened may yet happen。
〃Are you sure; besides; that the life which you are giving up for him will never again come to attract you? Are you sure; you who have loved him; that you will never love another? Would you not…suffer on seeing the hindrances set by your love to your lover's life; hindrances for which you would be powerless to console him; if; with age; thoughts of ambition should succeed to dreams of love? Think over all that; madame。 You love Armand; prove it to him by the sole means which remains to you of yet proving it to him; by sacrificing your love to his future。 No misfortune has yet arrived; but one will arrive; and perhaps a greater one than those which I foresee。 Armand might become jealous of a man who has loved you; he might provoke him; fight; be killed。 Think; then; what you would suffer in the presence of a father who should call on you to render an account for the life of his son!
〃Finally; my dear child; let me tell you all; for I have not yet told you all; let me tell you what has brought me to Paris。 I have a daughter; as I have told you; young; beautiful; pure as an