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〃Finally； my dear child； let me tell you all； for I have not yet told you all； let me tell you what has brought me to Paris。 I have a daughter； as I have told you； young； beautiful； pure as an angel。 She loves； and she； too； has made this love the dream of her life。 I wrote all that to Armand； but； absorbed in you； he made no reply。 Well； my daughter is about to marry。 She is to marry the man whom she loves； she enters an honourable family； which requires that mine has to be no less honourable。 The family of the man who is to become my son…in…law has learned what manner of life Armand is leading in Paris； and has declared to me that the marriage must be broken off if Armand continues this life。 The future of a child who has done nothing against you； and who has the right of looking forward to a happy future； is in your hands。 Have you the right； have you the strength； to shatter it？ In the name of your love and of your repentance； Marguerite； grant me the happiness of my child。〃
I wept silently； my friend； at all these reflections which I had so often made； and which； in the mouth of your father； took a yet more serious reality。 I said to myself all that your father dared not say to me； though it had come to his lips twenty times： that I was； after all； only a kept woman； and that whatever excuse I gave for our liaison； it would always look like calculation on my part； that my past life left me no right to dream of such a future； and that I was accepting responsibilities for which my habits and reputation were far from giving any guarantee。 In short； I loved you； Armand。
The paternal way in which M。 Duval had spoken to me； the pure memories that he awakened in me； the respect of this old man； which I would gain； yours； which I was sure of gaining later on： all that called up in my heart thoughts which raised me in my own eyes with a sort of holy pride； unknown till then。 When I thought that one day this old man； who was now imploring me for the future of his son； would bid his daughter mingle my name with her prayers； as the name of a mysterious friend； I seemed to become transformed； and I felt a pride in myself。
The exaltation of the moment perhaps exaggerated the truth of these impressions； but that was what I felt； friend； and these new feelings silenced the memory of the happy days I had spent with you。
〃Tell me； sir；〃 I said to your father； wiping away my tears； 〃do you believe that I love your son？〃
〃Yes；〃 said M。 Duval。
〃With a disinterested love？〃
〃Yes。
〃Do you believe that I had made this love the hope； the dream； the forgivenessof my life？〃
〃Implicitly。〃
〃Well； sir； embrace me once； as you would embrace your daughter； and I swear to you that that kiss； the only chaste kiss I have ever had； will make me strong against my love； and that within a week your son will be once more at your side； perhaps unhappy for a time； but cured forever。〃
〃You are a noble child；〃 replied your father； kissing me on the forehead； 〃and you are making an attempt for which God will reward you； but I greatly fear that you will have no influence upon my son。〃
〃Oh； be at rest； sir； he will hate me。〃
I had to set up between us； as much for me as for you； an insurmountable barrier。
I wrote to Prudence to say that I accepted the proposition of the Comte de N。； and that she was to tell him that I would sup with her and him。 I sealed the letter； and； without telling him what it contained； asked your father to have it forwarded to its address on reaching Paris。
He inquired of me what it contained。
〃Your son's welfare；〃 I answered。
Your father embraced me once more。 I felt two grateful tears on my forehead； like the baptism of my past faults； and at the moment when I consented to give myself up to another man I glowed with pride at the thought of what I was redeeming by this new fault。
It was quite natural； Armand。 You told me that your father was the most honest man in the world。
M。 Duval returned to his carriage； and set out for Paris。
I was only a woman； and when I saw you again I could not help weeping； but I did not give way。
Did I do right？ That is what I ask myself to…day； as I lie ill in my bed； that I shall never leave； perhaps； until I am dead。
You are witness of what I felt as the hour of our separation approached； your father was no longer there to support me； and there was a moment when I was on the point of confessing everything to you； so terrified was I at the idea that you were going to bate and despise me。
One thing which you will not believe； perhaps； Armand； is that I prayed God to give me strength； and what proves that he accepted my sacrifice is that he gave me the strength for which I prayed。
At supper I still had need of aid； for I could not think of what I was going to do； so much did I fear that my courage would fail me。 Who would ever have said that I； Marguerite Gautier； would have suffered so at the mere thought of a new lover？ I drank for forgetfulness； and when I woke next day I was beside the count。
That is the whole truth； friend。 judge me and pardon me； as I have pardoned you for all the wrong that you have done me since that day。
Chapter 26
What followed that fatal night you know as well as I； but what you can not know； what you can not suspect； is what I have suffered since our separation。
I heard that your father had taken you away with him； but I felt sure that you could not live away from me for long； and when I met you in the Champs…Elysees； I was a little upset； but by no means surprised。
Then began that series of days； each of them brought me a fresh insult from you。 I received them all with a kind of joy； for； besides proving to me that you still loved me； it seemed to me as if the more you persecuted me the more I should be raised in your eyes when you came to know the truth。
Do not wonder at my joy in martyrdom； Armand； your love for me had opened my heart to noble enthusiasm。
Still； I was not so strong as that quite at once。
Between the time of the sacrifice made for you and the time of your return a long while elapsed； during which I was obliged to have recourse to physical means in order not to go mad； and in order to be blinded and deafened in the whirl of life into which I flung myself。 Prudence has told you （has she not？） how I went to all the fetes and balls and orgies。 I had a sort of hope that I should kill myself by all these excesses； and I think it will not be long before this hope is realized。 My health naturally got worse and worse； and when I sent Mme。 Duvernoy to ask you for pity I was utterly worn out； body and soul。
I will not remind you； Armand； of the return you made for the last proof of love that I gave you； and of the outrage by which you drove away a dying woman； who could not resist your voice when you asked her for a night of love； and who； like a fool； thought for one instant that she might again unite the past with the present。 You had the right to do what you did； Armand； people have not always put so high a price on a night of mine！
I left everything after that。 Olympe has taken my place with the Comte de N。； and has told him； I hear； the reasons for my leaving him。 The Comte de G。 was at London。 He is one of those men who give just enough importance to making love to women like me for it to be an agreeable pastime； and who are thus able to remain friends with women； not hating them because they have never been jealous of them； and he is； too； one of those grand seigneurs who open only a part of their hearts to us； but the whole of their purses。 It was of him that I immediately thought。 I joined him in London。 He received me as kindly as possible； but he was the lover there of a woman in society； and he feared to compromise himself if he were seen with me。 He introduced me to his friends； who gave a supper in my honour； after which one of them took me home with him。
What else was there for me to do； my friend？ If I had killed myself it would have burdened your life； which ought to be happy； with a needless remorse； and then； what is the good of killing oneself when one is so near dying already？
I became a body without a soul； a thing without a thought； I lived for some time in that automatic way； then I returned to Paris； and asked after you； I heard then that you were gone on a long voyage。 There was nothing left to hold me to life。 My existence became what it had been two years before I knew you。 I tried to win back the duke； but I had offended him too deeply。 Old men are not patient； no doubt because they realize that they are not eternal。 I got weaker every day。 I was pale and sad and thinner than ever。 Men who buy love examine the goods before taking them。 At Paris there were women in better health； and not so thin as I was； I was rather forgotten。 That is all the past up to yesterday。
Now I am seriously ill。 I have written to the duke to ask him for money； for I have none； and the creditors have returned； and come to me with their bills with pitiless perseverance。 Will the duke answer？ Why are you not in Paris； Armand？ You would come and see me； and your visits would do me good。
December 20。
The weather is horrible； it is snowing； and I am alone。 I have been in