按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
became such visions as that I had had of Pragueof strange cities；
of sandy plains； of gigantic ruins； of midnight skies with strange
bright constellations； of mountain…passes； of grassy nooks flecked
with the afternoon sunshine through the boughs： I was in the midst
of such scenes； and in all of them one presence seemed to weigh on
me in all these mighty shapesthe presence of something unknown
and pitiless。 For continual suffering had annihilated religious
faith within me： to the utterly miserablethe unloving and the
unlovedthere is no religion possible； no worship but a worship of
devils。 And beyond all these； and continually recurring； was the
vision of my deaththe pangs； the suffocation； the last struggle；
when life would be grasped at in vain。
Things were in this state near the end of the seventh year。 I had
become entirely free from insight； from my abnormal cognizance of
any other consciousness than my own； and instead of intruding
involuntarily into the world of other minds； was living continually
in my own solitary future。 Bertha was aware that I was greatly
changed。 To my surprise she had of late seemed to seek
opportunities of remaining in my society； and had cultivated that
kind of distant yet familiar talk which is customary between a
husband and wife who live in polite and irrevocable alienation。 I
bore this with languid submission； and without feeling enough
interest in her motives to be roused into keen observation； yet I
could not help perceiving something triumphant and excited in her
carriage and the expression of her facesomething too subtle to
express itself in words or tones； but giving one the idea that she
lived in a state of expectation or hopeful suspense。 My chief
feeling was satisfaction that her inner self was once more shut out
from me； and I almost revelled for the moment in the absent
melancholy that made me answer her at cross purposes； and betray
utter ignorance of what she had been saying。 I remember well the
look and the smile with which she one day said； after a mistake of
this kind on my part： 〃I used to think you were a clairvoyant； and
that was the reason why you were so bitter against other
clairvoyants； wanting to keep your monopoly； but I see now you have
become rather duller than the rest of the world。〃
I said nothing in reply。 It occurred to me that her recent
obtrusion of herself upon me might have been prompted by the wish
to test my power of detecting some of her secrets； but I let the
thought drop again at once： her motives and her deeds had no
interest for me； and whatever pleasures she might be seeking； I had
no wish to baulk her。 There was still pity in my soul for every
living thing； and Bertha was livingwas surrounded with
possibilities of misery。
Just at this time there occurred an event which roused me somewhat
from my inertia； and gave me an interest in the passing moment that
I had thought impossible for me。 It was a visit from Charles
Meunier； who had written me word that he was coming to England for
relaxation from too strenuous labour； and would like too see me。
Meunier had now a European reputation； but his letter to me
expressed that keen remembrance of an early regard； an early debt
of sympathy； which is inseparable from nobility of character： and
I too felt as if his presence would be to me like a transient
resurrection into a happier pre…existence。
He came； and as far as possible； I renewed our old pleasure of
making tete…a…tete excursions； though； instead of mountains and
glacers and the wide blue lake； we had to content ourselves with
mere slopes and ponds and artificial plantations。 The years had
changed us both； but with what different result！ Meunier was now a
brilliant figure in society； to whom elegant women pretended to
listen； and whose acquaintance was boasted of by noblemen ambitious
of brains。 He repressed with the utmost delicacy all betrayal of
the shock which I am sure he must have received from our meeting；
or of a desire to penetrate into my condition and circumstances；
and sought by the utmost exertion of his charming social powers to
make our reunion agreeable。 Bertha was much struck by the
unexpected fascinations of a visitor whom she had expected to find
presentable only on the score of his celebrity； and put forth all
her coquetries and accomplishments。 Apparently she succeeded in
attracting his admiration； for his manner towards her was attentive
and flattering。 The effect of his presence on me was so benignant；
especially in those renewals of our old tete…a…tete wanderings；
when he poured forth to me wonderful narratives of his professional
experience； that more than once； when his talk turned on the
psychological relations of disease； the thought crossed my mind
that； if his stay with me were long enough； I might possibly bring
myself to tell this man the secrets of my lot。 Might there not lie
some remedy for me； too； in his science？ Might there not at least
lie some comprehension and sympathy ready for me in his large and
susceptible mind？ But the thought only flickered feebly now and
then； and died out before it could become a wish。 The horror I had
of again breaking in on the privacy of another soul； made me； by an
irrational instinct； draw the shroud of concealment more closely
around my own； as we automatically perform the gesture we feel to
be wanting in another。
When Meunier's visit was approaching its conclusion； there happened
an event which caused some excitement in our household； owing to
the surprisingly strong effect it appeared to produce on Berthaon
Bertha； the self…possessed； who usually seemed inaccessible to
feminine agitations； and did even her hate in a self…restrained
hygienic manner。 This event was the sudden severe illness of her
maid； Mrs。 Archer。 I have reserved to this moment the mention of a
circumstance which had forced itself on my notice shortly before
Meunier's arrival； namely； that there had been some quarrel between
Bertha and this maid； apparently during a visit to a distant
family； in which she had accompanied her mistress。 I had overheard
Archer speaking in a tone of bitter insolence； which I should have
thought an adequate reason for immediate dismissal。 No dismissal
followed； on the contrary； Bertha seemed to be silently putting up
with personal inconveniences from the exhibitions of this woman's
temper。 I was the more astonished to observe that her illness
seemed a cause of strong solicitude to Bertha； that she was at the
bedside night and day； and would allow no one else to officiate as
head…nurse。 It happened that our family doctor was out on a
holiday； an accident which made Meunier's presence in the house
doubly welcome； and he apparently entered into the case with an
interest which seemed so much stronger than the ordinary
professional feeling； that one day when he had fallen into a long
fit of silence after visiting her； I said to him …
〃Is this a very peculiar case of disease； Meunier？〃
〃No；〃 he answered； 〃it is an attack of peritonitis； which will be
fatal； but which does not differ physically from many other cases
that have come under my observation。 But I'll tell you what I have
on my mind。 I want to make an experiment on this woman； if you
will give me permission。 It can do her no harmwill give her no
painfor I shall not make it until life is extinct to all purposes
of sensation。 I want to try the effect of transfusing blood into
her arteries after the heart has ceased to beat for some minutes。
I have tried the experiment again and again with animals that have
died of this disease； with astounding results； and I want to try it
on a human subject。 I have the small tubes necessary； in a case I
have with me； and the rest of the apparatus could be prepared
readily。 I should use my own bloodtake it from my own arm。 This
woman won't live through the night； I'm convinced； and I want you
to promise me your assistance in making the experiment。 I can't do
without another hand； but it would perhaps not be well to call in a
medical assistant from among your provincial doctors。 A
disagreeable foolish version of the thing might get abroad。〃
〃Have you spoken to my wife on the subject？〃 I said； 〃because she
appears to be peculiarly sensitive about this woman： she has been
a favourite maid。〃
〃To tell you the truth；〃 said Meunier； 〃I don't want her to know
about it。 There are always insuperable difficulties with women in
these matters； and the effect on the supposed dead body may be
startling。 You and I will sit up together； and be in readiness。
When certain symptoms appear I shall take you in； and at the right
moment we must manage to get every one else out of the room。〃
I need not give our farther conversation on the subject。 He
entered very fully into the details； and overcame my repulsion from
them； by exciting in me a mingled awe and curiosity concerning the
possible results of his experiment。
We prepared everything； and he instructed me in my part as
assistant。 He had not told Bertha of his absolute conviction that
Archer would not survive through the night； and endeavoured to
persuade her to leave the pa