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We heard music; and went further along the arcade to discover a
place where girls in operatic Swiss peasant costume were singing and
dancing on a creaking; protesting little stage。 I eyed their
generous display of pink neck and arm with the seasoned eye of a man
who has lived in the world。 Life was perfectly simple and easy; I
felt; if one took it the right way。
Next day Willersley wanted to go on; but I delayed。 Altogether I
kept him back four days。 Then abruptly my mood changed; and we
decided to start early the following morning。 I remember; though a
little indistinctly; the feeling of my last talk with that woman
whose surname; odd as it may seem; either I never learnt or I have
forgotten。 (Her christian name was Milly。) She was tired and
rather low…spirited; and disposed to be sentimental; and for the
first time in our intercourse I found myself liking her for the sake
of her own personality。 There was something kindly and generous
appearing behind the veil of naive and uncontrolled sensuality she
had worn。 There was a curious quality of motherliness in her
attitude to me that something in my nature answered and approved。
She didn't pretend to keep it up that she had yielded to my
initiative。 〃I've done you no harm;〃 she said a little doubtfully;
an odd note for a man's victim! And; 〃we've had a good time。 You
have liked me; haven't you?〃
She interested me in her lonely dissatisfied life; she was childless
and had no hope of children; and her husband was the only son of a
rich meat salesman; very mean; a mighty smoker〃he reeks of it;〃
she said; 〃always〃and interested in nothing but golf; billiards
(which he played very badly); pigeon shooting; convivial Free
Masonry and Stock Exchange punting。 Mostly they drifted about the
Riviera。 Her mother had contrived her marriage when she was
eighteen。 They were the first samples I ever encountered of the
great multitude of functionless property owners which encumbers
modern civilisationbut at the time I didn't think much of that
aspect of them。 。 。 。
I tell all this business as it happened without comment; because I
have no comment to make。 It was all strange to me; strange rather
than wonderful; and; it may be; some dream of beauty died for ever
in those furtive meetings; it happened to me; and I could scarcely
have been more irresponsible in the matter or controlled events less
if I had been suddenly pushed over a cliff into water。 I swam; of
coursefinding myself in it。 Things tested me; and I reacted; as I
have told。 The bloom of my innocence; if ever there had been such a
thing; was gone。 And here is the remarkable thing about it; at the
time and for some days I was over…weeningly proud; I have never been
so proud before or since; I felt I had been promoted to virility; I
was unable to conceal my exultation from Willersley。 It was a mood
of shining shameless ungracious self…approval。 As he and I went
along in the cool morning sunshine by the rice fields in the throat
of the Val Maggia a silence fell between us。
〃You know?〃 I said abruptly;〃about that woman?〃
Willersley did not answer for a moment。 He looked at me over the
corner of his spectacles。
〃Things went pretty far?〃 he asked。
〃Oh! all the way!〃 and I had a twinge of fatuous pride in my
unpremeditated achievement。
〃She came to your room?〃
I nodded。
〃I heard her。 I heard her whispering。 。 。 。 The whispering and
rustling and so on。 I was in my room yesterday。 。 。 。 Any one
might have heard you。〃
I went on with my head in the air。
〃You might have been caught; and that would have meant endless
trouble。 You might have incurred all sorts of consequences。 What
did you know about her? 。 。 。 We have wasted four days in that hot
close place。 When we found that League of Social Service we were
talking about;〃 he said with a determined eye upon me; 〃chastity
will be first among the virtues prescribed。〃
〃I shall form a rival league;〃 I said a little damped。 〃I'm hanged
if I give up a single desire in me until I know why。〃
He lifted his chin and stared before him through his glasses at
nothing。 〃There are some things;〃 he said; 〃that a man who means to
workto do great public servicesMUST turn his back upon。 I'm not
discussing the rights or wrongs of this sort of thing。 It happens
to be the conditions we work under。 It will probably always be so。
If you want to experiment in that way; if you want even to discuss
it;out you go from political life。 You must know that's so。 。 。 。
You're a strange man; Remington; with a kind of kink in you。 You've
a sort of force。 You might happen to do immense things。 。 。 。
Only〃
He stopped。 He had said all that he had forced himself to say。
〃I mean to take myself as I am;〃 I said。 〃I'm going to get
experience for humanity out of all my talentsand bury nothing。〃
Willersley twisted his face to its humorous expression。 〃I doubt if
sexual proclivities;〃 he said drily; come within the scope of the
parable。〃
I let that go for a little while。 Then I broke out。 〃Sex!〃 said I;
〃is a fundamental thing in life。 We went through all this at
Trinity。 I'm going to look at it; experience it; think about it
and get it square with the rest of life。 Career and Politics must
take their chances of that。 It's part of the general English
slackness that they won't look this in the face。 Gods! what a
muffled time we're coming out of! Sex means breeding; and breeding
is a necessary function in a nation。 The Romans broke up upon that。
The Americans fade out amidst their successes。 Eugenics〃
〃THAT wasn't Eugenics;〃 said Willersley。
〃It was a woman;〃 I said after a little interval; feeling oddly that
I had failed altogether to answer him; and yet had a strong dumb
case against him。
BOOK THE SECOND
MARGARET
CHAPTER THE FIRST
MARGARET IN STAFFORDSHIRE
1
I must go back a little way with my story。 In the previous book I
have described the kind of education that happens to a man of my
class nowadays; and it has been convenient to leap a phase in my
experience that I must now set out at length。 I want to tell in
this second hook how I came to marry; and to do that I must give
something of the atmosphere in which I first met my wife and some
intimations of the forces that went to her making。 I met her in
Staffordshire while I was staying with that uncle of whom I have
already spoken; the uncle who sold my father's houses and settled my
mother in Penge。 Margaret was twenty then and I was twenty…two。
It was just before the walking tour in Switzerland that opened up so
much of the world to me。 I saw her once; for an afternoon; and
circumstances so threw her up in relief that I formed a very vivid
memory of her。 She was in the sharpest contrast with the industrial
world about her; she impressed me as a dainty blue flower might do;
come upon suddenly on a clinker heap。 She remained in my mind at
once a perplexing interrogation and a symbol。 。 。 。
But first I must tell of my Staffordshire cousins and the world that
served as a foil for her。
2
I first went to stay with my cousins when I was an awkward youth of
sixteen; wearing deep mourning for my mother。 My uncle wanted to
talk things over with me; he said; and if he could; to persuade me
to go into business instead of going up to Cambridge。
I remember that visit on account of all sorts of novel things; but
chiefly; I think; because it was the first time I encountered
anything that deserves to be spoken of as wealth。 For the first
time in my life I had to do with people who seemed to have endless
supplies of money; unlimited good clothes; numerous servants; whose
daily life was made up of things that I had hitherto considered to
be treats or exceptional extravagances。 My cousins of eighteen and
nineteen took cabs; for instance; with the utmost freedom; and
travelled first…class in the local trains that run up and down the
district of the Five Towns with an entire unconsciousness of the
magnificence; as it seemed to me; of such a proceeding。
The family occupied a large villa in Newcastle; with big lawns
before it and behind; a shrubbery with quite a lot of shrubs; a
coach house and stable; and subordinate dwelling…places for the
gardener and the coachman。 Every bedroom contained a gas heater and
a canopied brass bedstead; and had a little bathroom attached
equipped with the porcelain baths and fittings my uncle
manufactured; bright and sanitary and stamped with his name; and the
house was furnished throughout with chairs and tables in bright
shining wood; soft and prevalently red Turkish carpets; cosy
corners; curtained archways; gold…fram