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One goes on from phase to phase in these things。
〃After all；〃 I told myself； 〃if one wants to get to Westminster one
must follow the road that leads there；〃 but I found the road
nevertheless rather unexpectedly distasteful。 〃When one gets
there；〃 I said； 〃then it is one begins。〃
But I would lie awake at nights with that sore throat and headache
and fatigue which come from speaking in ill…ventilated rooms； and
wondering how far it was possible to educate a whole people to great
political ideals。 Why should political work always rot down to
personalities and personal appeals in this way？ Life is； I suppose；
to begin with and end with a matter of personalities； from
personalities all our broader interests arise and to personalities
they return。 All our social and political effort； all of it； is
like trying to make a crowd of people fall into formation。 The
broader lines appear； but then come a rush and excitement and
irrelevancy； and forthwith the incipient order has vanished and the
marshals must begin the work over again！
My memory of all that time is essentially confusion。 There was a
frightful lot of tiresome locomotion in it； for the Kinghamstead
Division is extensive； abounding in ill…graded and badly metalled
cross…roads and vicious little hills； and singularly unpleasing to
the eye in a muddy winter。 It is sufficiently near to London to
have undergone the same process of ill…regulated expansion that made
Bromstead the place it is。 Several of its overgrown villages have
developed strings of factories and sidings along the railway lines；
and there is an abundance of petty villas。 There seemed to be no
place at which one could take hold of more than this or that element
of the population。 Now we met in a meeting…house； now in a Masonic
Hall or Drill Hall； I also did a certain amount of open…air speaking
in the dinner hour outside gas…works and groups of factories。 Some
special sort of people was； as it were； secreted in response to each
special appeal。 One said things carefully adjusted to the
distinctive limitations of each gathering。 Jokes of an incredible
silliness and shallowness drifted about us。 Our advisers made us
declare that if we were elected we would live in the district； and
one hasty agent had bills printed； 〃If Mr。 Remington is elected he
will live here。〃 The enemy obtained a number of these bills and
stuck them on outhouses； pigstyes； dog…kennels； you cannot imagine
how irksome the repetition of that jest became。 The vast drifting
indifference in between my meetings impressed me more and more。 I
realised the vagueness of my own plans as I had never done before I
brought them to the test of this experience。 I was perplexed by the
riddle of just how far I was； in any sense of the word； taking hold
at all； how far I wasn't myself flowing into an accepted groove。
Margaret was troubled by no such doubts。 She was clear I had to go
into Parliament on the side of Liberalism and the light； as against
the late Government and darkness。 Essential to the memory of my
first contest； is the memory of her clear bright face； very resolute
and grave； helping me consciously； steadfastly； with all her
strength。 Her quiet confidence； while I was so dissatisfied； worked
curiously towards the alienation of my sympathies。 I felt she had
no business to be so sure of me。 I had moments of vivid resentment
at being thus marched towards Parliament。
I seemed now always to be discovering alien forces of character in
her。 Her way of taking life diverged from me more and more。 She
sounded amazing； independent notes。 She bought some particularly
costly furs for the campaign that roused enthusiasm whenever she
appeared。 She also made me a birthday present in November of a
heavily fur…trimmed coat and this she would make me remove as I went
on to the platform； and hold over her arm until I was ready to
resume it。 It was fearfully heavy for her and she liked it to be
heavy for her。 That act of servitude was in essence a towering
self…assertion。 I would glance sideways while some chairman
floundered through his introduction and see the clear blue eye with
which she regarded the audience； which existed so far as she was
concerned merely to return me to Parliament。 It was a friendly eye；
provided they were not silly or troublesome。 But it kindled a
little at the hint of a hostile question。 After we had come so far
and taken so much trouble！
She constituted herself the dragoman of our political travels。 In
hotels she was serenely resolute for the quietest and the best； she
rejected all their proposals for meals and substituted a severely
nourishing dietary of her own； and even in private houses she
astonished me by her tranquil insistence upon special comforts and
sustenance。 I can see her face now as it would confront a hostess；
a little intent； but sweetly resolute and assured。
Since our marriage she had read a number of political memoirs； and
she had been particularly impressed by the career of Mrs。 Gladstone。
I don't think it occurred to her to compare and contrast my quality
with that of Mrs。 Gladstone's husband。 I suspect her of a
deliberate intention of achieving parallel results by parallel
methods。 I was to be Gladstonised。 Gladstone it appeared used to
lubricate his speeches with a mixtureif my memory serves me right
of egg beaten up in sherry； and Margaret was very anxious I should
take a leaf from that celebrated book。 She wanted； I know； to hold
the glass in her hand while I was speaking。
But here I was firm。 〃No；〃 I said； very decisively； 〃simply I won't
stand that。 It's a matter of conscience。 I shouldn't feel
democratic。 I'll take my chance of the common water in the carafe
on the chairman's table。〃
〃I DO wish you wouldn't；〃 she said； distressed。
It was absurd to feel irritated； it was so admirable of her； a
little childish； infinitely womanly and devoted and fineand I see
now how pathetic。 But I could not afford to succumb to her。 I
wanted to follow my own leading； to see things clearly； and this
reassuring pose of a high destiny； of an almost terribly efficient
pursuit of a fixed end when as a matter of fact I had a very
doubtful end and an aim as yet by no means fixed； was all too
seductive for dalliance。 。 。 。
4
And into all these things with the manner of a trifling and casual
incident comes the figure of Isabel Rivers。 My first impressions of
her were of a rather ugly and ungainly； extraordinarily interesting
schoolgirl with a beautiful quick flush under her warm brown skin；
who said and did amusing and surprising things。 When first I saw
her she was riding a very old bicycle downhill with her feet on the
fork of the frameit seemed to me to the public danger； but
afterwards I came to understand the quality of her nerve betterand
on the third occasion she was for her own private satisfaction
climbing a tree。 On the intervening occasion we had what seems now
to have been a long sustained conversation about the political
situation and the books and papers I had written。
I wonder if it was。
What a delightful mixture of child and grave woman she was at that
time； and how little I reckoned on the part she would play in my
life！ And since she has played that part； how impossible it is to
tell now of those early days！ Since I wrote that opening paragraph
to this section my idle pen has been； as it were； playing by itself
and sketching faces on the blotting padone impish wizened visage
is oddly like little Baileyand I have been thinking cheek on fist
amidst a limitless wealth of memories。 She sits below me on the low
wall under the olive trees with our little child in her arms。 She
is now the central fact in my life。 It still seems a little
incredible that that should be so。 She has destroyed me as a
politician； brought me to this belated rebeginning of life。 When I
sit down and try to make her a girl again； I feel like the Arabian
fisherman who tried to put the genius back into the pot from which
it had spread gigantic across the skies。 。 。 。
I have a very clear vision of her rush downhill past our labouring
ascendant carmy colours fluttered from handle…bar and shoulder…
knotand her waving hand and the sharp note of her voice。 She
cried out something； I don't know what； some greeting。
〃What a pretty girl！〃 said Margaret。
Parvill； the cheap photographer； that industrious organiser for whom
by way of repayment I got those magic letters； that knighthood of
the underlings； 〃J。 P。〃 was in the car with us and explained her to
us。 〃One of the best workers you have；〃 he said。 。 。 。
And then after a toilsome troubled morning we came； rather cross
from the strain of sustained amiability； t