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Imperialist flood； like a starfish rolling up a beach。
My feminist views had earnt the mistrust of the party； and I do not
think I should have got the chance of Handitch or indeed any chance
at all of Parliament for a long time； if it had not been that the
seat with its long record of Liberal victories and its Liberal
majority of 3642 at the last election； offered a hopeless contest。
The Liberal dissensions and the belated but by no means contemptible
Socialist candidate were providential interpositions。 I think；
however； the conduct of Gane； Crupp； and Tarvrille in coming down to
fight for me； did count tremendously in my favour。 〃We aren't going
to win； perhaps；〃 said Crupp； 〃but we are going to talk。〃 And until
the very eve of victory； we treated Handitch not so much as a
battlefield as a hoarding。 And so it was the Endowment of
Motherhood as a practical form of Eugenics got into English
politics。
Plutus； our agent； was scared out of his wits when the thing began。
〃They're ascribing all sorts of queer ideas to you about the
Family；〃 he said。
〃I think the Family exists for the good of the children；〃 I said；
〃is that queer？〃
〃Not when you explain itbut they won't let you explain it。 And
about marriage？〃
〃I'm all right about marriagetrust me。〃
〃Of course； if YOU had children；〃 said Plutus； rather
inconsiderately。 。 。 。
They opened fire upon me in a little electioneering rag call the
HANDITCH SENTINEL； with a string of garbled quotations and
misrepresentations that gave me an admirable text for a speech。 I
spoke for an hour and ten minutes with a more and more crumpled copy
of the SENTINEL in my hand； and I made the fullest and completest
exposition of the idea of endowing motherhood that I think had ever
been made up to that time in England。 Its effect on the press was
extraordinary。 The Liberal papers gave me quite unprecedented space
under the impression that I had only to be given rope to hang
myself； the Conservatives cut me down or tried to justify me； the
whole country was talking。 I had had a pamphlet in type upon the
subject； and I revised this carefully and put it on the book…stalls
within three days。 It sold enormously and brought me bushels of
letters。 We issued over three thousand in Handitch alone。 At
meeting after meeting I was heckled upon nothing else。 Long before
polling day Plutus was converted。
〃It's catching on like old age pensions；〃 he said。 〃We've dished
the Liberals！ To think that such a project should come from our
side！〃
But it was only with the declaration of the poll that my battle was
won。 No one expected more than a snatch victory； and I was in by
over fifteen hundred。 At one bound Cossington's papers passed from
apologetics varied by repudiation to triumphant praise。 〃A
renascent England； breeding men；〃 said the leader in his chief daily
on the morning after the polling； and claimed that the Conservatives
had been ever the pioneers in sanely bold constructive projects。
I came up to London with a weary but rejoicing Margaret by the night
train。
CHAPTER THE SECOND
THE IMPOSSIBLE POSITION
1
To any one who did not know of that glowing secret between Isabel
and myself； I might well have appeared at that time the most
successful and enviable of men。 I had recovered rapidly from an
uncongenial start in political life； I had become a considerable
force through the BLUE WEEKLY； and was shaping an increasingly
influential body of opinion； I had re…entered Parliament with quite
dramatic distinction； and in spite of a certain faltering on the
part of the orthodox Conservatives towards the bolder elements in
our propaganda； I had loyal and unenvious associates who were making
me a power in the party。 People were coming to our group；
understandings were developing。 It was clear we should play a
prominent part in the next general election； and that； given a
Conservative victory； I should be assured of office。 The world
opened out to me brightly and invitingly。 Great schemes took shape
in my mind； always more concrete； always more practicable； the years
ahead seemed falling into order； shining with the credible promise
of immense achievement。
And at the heart of it all； unseen and unsuspected； was the secret
of my relations with Isabellike a seed that germinates and
thrusts； thrusts relentlessly。
From the onset of the Handitch contest onward； my meetings with her
had been more and more pervaded by the discussion of our situation。
It had innumerable aspects。 It was very present to us that we
wanted to be together as much as possiblewe were beginning to long
very much for actual living together in the same house； so that one
could come as it were carelesslyunawaresupon the other； busy
perhaps about some trivial thing。 We wanted to feel each other in
the daily atmosphere。 Preceding our imperatively sterile passion；
you must remember； outside it； altogether greater than it so far as
our individual lives were concerned； there had grown and still grew
an enormous affection and intellectual sympathy between us。 We
brought all our impressions and all our ideas to each other； to see
them in each other's light。 It is hard to convey that quality of
intellectual unison to any one who has not experienced it。 I
thought more and more in terms of conversation with Isabel； her
possible comments upon things would flash into my mind； oh！with
the very sound of her voice。
I remember； too； the odd effect of seeing her in the distance going
about Handitch； like any stranger canvasser； the queer emotion of
her approach along the street； the greeting as she passed。 The
morning of the polling she vanished from the constituency。 I saw
her for an instant in the passage behind our Committee rooms。
〃Going？〃 said I。
She nodded。
〃Stay it out。 I want you to see the fun。 I rememberthe other
time。〃
She didn't answer for a moment or so； and stood with face averted。
〃It's Margaret's show；〃 she said abruptly。 〃If I see her smiling
there like a queen by your side！ She didlast time。 I
remember。〃 She caught at a sob and dashed her hand across her face
impatiently。 〃Jealous fool； mean and petty； jealous fool！ 。 。 。
Good luck； old man； to you！ You're going to win。 But I don't want
to see the end of it all the same。 。 。 。〃
〃Good…bye！〃 said I； clasping her hand as some supporter appeared in
the passage。 。 。 。
I came back to London victorious； and a little flushed and coarse
with victory； and so soon as I could break away I went to Isabel's
flat and found her white and worn； with the stain of secret weeping
about her eyes。 I came into the room to her and shut the door。
〃You said I'd win；〃 I said； and held out my arms。
She hugged me closely for a moment。
〃My dear；〃 I whispered； 〃it's nothingwithout younothing！〃
We didn't speak for some seconds。 Then she slipped from my hold。
〃Look！〃 she said； smiling like winter sunshine。 〃I've had in all
the morning papersthe pile of them； and youresounding。〃
〃It's more than I dared hope。〃
〃Or I。〃
She stood for a moment still smiling bravely； and then she was
sobbing in my arms。 〃The bigger you arethe more you show；〃 she
said〃 the more we are parted。 I know； I know〃
I held her close to me； making no answer。
Presently she became still。 〃Oh； well；〃 she said； and wiped her
eyes and sat down on the little sofa by the fire； and I sat down
beside her。
〃I didn't know all there was in love；〃 she said； staring at the
coals； 〃when we went love…making。〃
I put my arm behind her and took a handful of her dear soft hair in
my hand and kissed it。
〃You've done a great thing this time；〃 she said。 〃Handitch will
make you。〃
〃It opens big chances；〃 I said。 〃But why are you weeping； dear
one？〃
〃Envy；〃 she said； 〃and love。〃
〃You're not lonely？〃
〃I've plenty to doand lots of people。〃
〃Well？〃
〃I want you。〃
〃You've got me。〃
She put her arm about me and kissed me。 〃I want you；〃 she said；
〃just as if I had nothing of you。 You don't understandhow a woman
wants a man。 I thought once if I just gave myself to you it would
be enough。 It was nothingit was just a step across the threshold。
My dear； every moment you are away I ache for youache！ I want to
be about when it isn't love…making or talk。 I want to be doing
things for you； and watching you when you're not thinking of me。
All those safe； careless； intimate things。 And something else〃
She stopped。 〃Dear； I don't want to bother you。 I just want you to
know I love you。 。 。 。〃
She caught my head in her hands and kissed it； then stood up
abruptly。
I looked up at her； a little perplex