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the dwelling place of ligh-第40章

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be married in the spring; when the rush is over。〃

He drew her to him once more; and suddenly; in the ardour of that
embrace; he felt her tenseness suddenly relaxas though; against her
willand her passion; as she gave her lips; vied with his own。  Her
lithe body trembled convulsively; her cheeks were wet as she clung to him
and hid her face in his shoulder。  His sensations in the presence of this
thing he had summoned up in her were incomprehensible; surpassing any he
had ever known。  It was no longer a woman he held in his arms; the woman
he craved; but something greater; more fearful; the mystery of sorrow and
suffering; of creation and lifeof the universe itself。

〃Janetaren't you happy?〃 he said again。

She released herself and smiled at him wistfully through her tears。

〃I don't know。  What I feel doesn't seem like happiness。  I can't believe
in it; somehow。〃

〃You must believe in it;〃 he said。

〃I can't;perhaps I may; later。  You'd better go now;〃 she begged。
〃You'll miss your train。〃

He glanced at the office clock。  〃Confound it; I have to。  Listen!  I'll
be back this evening; and I'll get that little car of mine〃

〃No; not to…nightI don't want to goto…night。〃

〃Why not?〃

〃Not to…night;〃 she repeated。

 Well then; to…morrow。  To…morrow's Sunday。  Do you know where the Boat
Club is on the River Boulevard?  I'll be there; to…morrow morning at ten。
I'd come for you; to your house;〃 he added quickly; 〃but we don't want
any one to know; yetdo we?〃

She shook her head。

〃We must keep it secret for a while;〃 he said。  〃Wear your new dressthe
blue one。  Good…byesweetheart。〃

He kissed her again and hurried out of the office。。。。  Boarding the train
just as it was about to start; he settled himself in the back seat of the
smoker; lit a cigar; inhaling deep breaths of the smoke and scarcely
noticing an acquaintance who greeted him from the aisle。  Well; he had
done it!  He was amazed。  He had not intended to propose marriage; and
when he tried to review the circumstances that had led to this he became
confused。  But when he asked himself whether indeed he were willing to
pay such a price; to face the revolution marriageand this marriage in
particularwould mean in his life; the tumult in his blood beat down his
incipient anxieties。  Besides; he possessed the kind of mind able to
throw off the consideration of possible consequences; and by the time the
train had slowed down in the darkness of the North Station in Boston all
traces of worry had disappeared。  The future would take care of itself。

For the Bumpus family; supper that evening was an unusually harmonious
meal。  Hannah's satisfaction over the new stove had by no means subsided;
and Edward ventured; without reproof; to praise the restored quality of
the pie crust。  And in contrast to her usual moroseness and self…
absorption; even Lise was gaylargely because her pet aversion; the
dignified and allegedly amorous Mr。 Waiters; floor…walker at the
Bagatelle; had fallen down the length of the narrow stairway leading from
the cashier's cage。  She became almost hysterical with glee as she
pictured him lying prone beneath the counter dedicated to lingerie;
draped with various garments from the pile that toppled over on him。
〃Ruby Nash picked a brassiere off his whiskers!〃 Lise shrieked。  〃She
gave the pile a shove when he landed。  He's got her number all right。
But say; it was worth the price of admission to see that old mutt when he
got up; he looked like Santa Claus。  All the girls in the floor were
there we nearly split trying to keep from giving him the ha…ha。  And Ruby
says; sympathetic; as she brushed him off; ‘I hope you ain't hurt; Mr。
Waiters。' He was sore!  He went around all afternoon with a bunch on his
coco as big as a potato。〃  So vivid was Lise's account of this affair
which apparently she regarded as compensation for many days of drudgery…
that even Hannah laughed; though deploring a choice of language symbolic
of a world she feared and detested。

〃If I talked like you;〃 said Lise; 〃they wouldn't understand me。〃

Janet; too; was momentarily amused; drawn out of that reverie in which
she had dwelt all day; ever since Ditmar had left for Boston。  Now she
began to wonder what would happen if she were suddenly to announce 〃I'm
going to marry Mr。 Ditmar。〃  After the first shock of amazement; she
could imagine her father's complete and complacent acceptance of the news
as a vindication of au inherent quality in the Bumpus blood。  He would
begin to talk about the family。  For; despite what might have been deemed
a somewhat disillusionizing experience; in the depths of his being he
still believed in the Providence who had presided over the perilous
voyage of the Mayflower and the birth of Peregrine White; whose
omniscient mind was peculiarly concerned with the family trees of
Puritans。  And what could be a more striking proof of the existence of
this Providence; or a more fitting acknowledgment on his part of the
Bumpus virtues; than that Janet should become the wife of the agent of
the Chippering Mills?  Janet smiled。  She was amused; too; by the thought
that Lise's envy would be modified by the prospect of a heightened social
status; since Lise; it will be remembered; had her Providence likewise。
Hannah's god was not a Providence; but one deeply skilled in persecution;
in ingenious methods of torture; one who would not hesitate to dangle
baubles before the eyes of his childrenonly to snatch them away again。
Hannah's pessimism would persist as far as the altar; and beyond!

On the whole; such was Janet's notion of the Deity; though deep within
her there may have existed a hope that he might be outwitted; that; by
dint of energy and brains; the fair things of life might be obtained
despite a malicious opposition。  And she loved Ditmar。  This must be love
she felt; this impatience to see him again; this desire to be with him;
this agitation possessing her so utterly that all day long she had dwelt
in an unwonted state like a somnambulism: it must be love; though not
resembling in the least the generally accepted; virginal ideal。  She saw
him as he was; crude; powerful; relentless in his desire; his very faults
appealed。  His passion had overcome his prudence; he had not intended to
propose; but any shame she felt on this score was put to flight by a
fierce exultation over the fact that she had brought him to her feet;
that he wanted her enough to marry her。  It was wonderful to be wanted
like that!  But she could not achieve the mental picture of herself as
Ditmar's wifeespecially when; later in the evening; she walked up
Warren Street and stood gazing at his house from the opposite pavement。
She simply could not imagine herself living in that house as its
mistress。  Notwithstanding the testimony of the movies; such a
Cinderella…like transition was not within the realm of probable facts;
things just didn't happen that way。

She recalled the awed exclamation of Eda when they had walked together
along Warren Street on that evening in summer: 〃How would you like to
live there!〃and hot with sudden embarrassment and resentment she had
dragged her friend onward; to the corner。  In spite of its size; of the
spaciousness of existence it suggested; the house had not appealed to her
then。  Janet did not herself realize or estimate the innate if
undeveloped sense of form she possessed; the artist…instinct that made
her breathless on first beholding Silliston Common。  And then the vision
of Silliston had still been bright; but now the light of a slender moon
was as a gossamer silver veil through which she beheld the house; as in a
stage setting; softening and obscuring its lines; lending it qualities of
dignity and glamour that made it seem remote; unreal; unattainable。  And
she felt a sudden; overwhelming longing; as though her breast would
burst。。。。

Through the drawn blinds the lights in the second storey gleamed yellow。
A dim lamp burned in the deep vestibule; as in a sanctuary。  And then; as
though some supernaturally penetrating ray had pierced a square hole in
the lower walls; a glimpse of the interior was revealed to her; of the
living room at the north end of the house。  Two figures chased one
another around the centre tableDitmar's children!  Was Ditmar there?
Impelled irresistibly by a curiosity overcoming repugnance and fear; she
went forward slowly across the street; gained the farther pavement;
stepped over the concrete coping; and stood; shivering violently; on the
lawn; feeling like an interloper and a thief; yet held by morbid
fascination。  The children continued to romp。  The boy was strong and
swift; the girl stout and ungainly in her movements; not mistress of her
body; he caught her and twisted her arm; roughlyJanet could hear her
cries through the window…=when an elderly woman entered; seized him;
struggling with him。  He put out his tongue at her; but presently
released his sister; who stood rubbing her arm; her lips moving in
evident recrimination and complaint。  The faces of the two were plain
now; the boy resembled Ditmar; but the features of the girl; heavy and
stamped with self…indulgence; were evidently reminiscen
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