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built for the convenience of passengers。
〃You forgive meyou understand； Janet？〃 he asked。
〃Sometimes I don't know what to think；〃 she said； and suddenly clung to
him。 〃II forgive you。 I oughtn't to suspect such things； but I'm like
that。 I'm horrid and I can't help it。〃 She began to unbutton the coat
he had bought for her。
〃Aren't you going to take it？〃 he said。 〃It's yours。〃
〃And what do you suppose my family would say if I told them Mr。 Ditmar
had given it to me？〃
〃Come on； I'll drive you home； I'll tell them I gave it to you； that
we're going to be married；〃 he announced recklessly。
〃Oh； no！〃 she exclaimed in consternation。 〃You couldn't。 You said so
yourselfthat you didn't want； any one to know； now。 I'll get on the
trolley。〃
〃And the roses？〃 he asked。
She pressed them to her face； and chose one。 〃I'll take this；〃 she said；
laying the rest on the seat。。。。
He waited until he saw her safely on the trolley car； and then drove
slowly homeward in a state of amazement。 He had been on the verge of
announcing himself to the family in Fillmore Street as her prospective
husband！ He tried to imagine what that household was like； and again he
found himself wondering why she had not consented to his proposal。 And
the ever…recurring question presented itselfwas he prepared to go that
length？ He didn't know。 She was beyond him； he had no clew to her； she
was to him as mysterious as a symphony。 Certain strains of her moved him
intenselythe rest was beyond his grasp。。。。 At supper； while his
children talked and laughed boisterously； he sat silent； restless； and in
spite of their presence the house seemed appallingly empty。
When Janet returned home she ran to her bedroom； and taking from the
wardrobe the tissue paper that had come with her new dress； and which she
had carefully folded； she wrapped the rose in it； and put it away in the
back of a drawer。 Thus smothered； its fragrance stifled； it seemed
emblematic； somehow； of the clandestine nature of her love。。。。
The weeks that immediately followed were strange ones。 All the elements
of life that previously had been realities； trivial yet fundamental； her
work； her home； her intercourse with the family； became fantastic。 There
was the mill to which she went every day： she recognized it； yet it was
not the same mill； nor was Fillmore Street the Fillmore Street of old。
Nor did the new and feverish existence over whose borderland she had been
transported seem real； save in certain hours she spent in Ditmar's
company； when he made her forgethers being a temperament to feel the
weight of an unnatural secrecy。 She was aware； for instance； that her
mother and even her father thought her conduct odd； were anxious as to
her absences on certain nights and on Sundays。 She offered no
explanation。 It was impossible。 She understood that the reason why they
refrained from questioning her was due to a faith in her integrity as
well as to a respect for her as a breadwinner who lead earned a right to
independence。 And while her suspicion of Hannah's anxiety troubled her；
on the occasions when she thought of it； Lise's attitude disturbed her
even more。 From Lise she had been prepared for suspicion； arraignment；
ridicule。 What a vindication if it were disclosed that she； Janet； had a
loverand that lover Ditmar！ But Lise said nothing。 She was remote；
self…absorbed。 Hannah spoke about it on the evenings Janet stayed at
home。
She would not consent to meet Ditmar every evening。 Yet； as the days
succeeded one another； Janet was often astonished by the fact that their
love remained apparently unsuspected by Mr。 Price and Caldwell and others
in the office。 They must have noticed； on some occasions； the manner in
which Ditmar looked at her； and in business hours she had continually to
caution him； to keep him in check。 Again； on the evening excursions to
which she consented； though they were careful to meet in unfrequented
spots； someone might easily have recognized him； and she did not like to
ponder over the number of young women in the other offices who knew her
by sight。 These reflections weighed upon her； particularly when she
seemed conscious of curious glances。 But what caused her the most
concern was the constantly recurring pressure to which Ditmar himself
subjected her； and which； as time went on； she found increasingly
difficult to resist。 He tried to take her by storm； and when this method
failed； resorted to pleadings and supplications even harder to deny
because of the innate feminine pity she felt for him。 To recount these
affairs would be a mere repetition of identical occurrences。 On their
second Sunday excursion he had actually driven her； despite her
opposition； several miles on the Boston road； and her resistance only
served to inflame him the more。 It seemed； afterwards； as she sat
unnerved； a miracle that she had stopped him。 Then came reproaches： she
would not trust him； they could not be married at once； she must
understand that！an argument so repugnant as to cause her to shake with
sobs of inarticulate anger。 After this he would grow bewildered； then
repentant； then contrite。 In contritionhad he known ithe was nearest
to victory。
As has been said； she did not intellectualize her reasons； but the core
of her resistance was the very essence of an individuality having its
roots in a self…respecting and self…controlling inheritancean element
wanting in her sister Lise。 It must have been largely the thought of
Lise； the spectacle of Liseoften perhaps unconsciously present that
dominated her conduct； yet reinforcing such an ancestral sentiment was
another； environmental and more complicated； the result in our modern
atmosphere of an undefined feminism apt to reveal itself in many
undesirable ways； but which in reality is a logical projection of the
American tradition of liberty。 To submit was not only to lose her
liberty； to become a dependent； but also and inevitably； she thought； to
lose Ditmar's love。。。。
No experience； however； is emotionally continuous； nor was their intimacy
by any means wholly on this plane of conflict。 There were hours when；
Ditmar's passion leaving spent itself； they achieved comradeship； in the
office and out of it； revelations for Janet when he talked of himself；
relating the little incidents she found most illuminating。 And thus by
degrees she was able to build up a new and truer estimate of him。 For
example； she began to perceive that his life outside of his interest in
the mills； instead of being the romance of privileged joys she had once
imagined； had been almost as empty as her own； without either unity or
direction。 Her perception was none the less keen because definite terms
were wanting for its expression。 The idea of him that first had
captivated her was that of an energized and focussed character
controlling with a sure hand the fortunes of a great organization； of a
power in the city and state； of a being who； in his leisure moments；
dwelt in a delectable realm from which she was excluded。 She was still
acutely conscious of his force； but what she now felt was its lack of
directionsave for the portion that drove the Chippering Mills。 The
rest of it； like the river； flowed away on the line of least resistance
to the sea。
As was quite natural； this gradual discovery of what he wasor of what
he wasn'tthis truer estimate； this partial disillusionment； merely
served to deepen and intensify the feeling he had aroused in her； to
heighten； likewise； the sense of her own value by confirming a belief in
her possession of certain qualities； of a kind of fibre he needed in a
helpmate。 She dwelt with a woman's fascination upon the prospect of
exercising a creative influenceeven while she acknowledged the fearful
possibility of his power in unguarded moments to overwhelm and destroy
her。 Here was another incentive to resist the gusts of his passion。 She
could guide and develop him by helping and improving herself。 Hope and
ambition throbbed within her； she felt a contempt for his wife； for the
women who had been her predecessors。 He had not spoken of these； save
once or twice by implication； but with what may seem a surprising
leniency she regarded them as consequences of a life lacking in content。
If only she could keep her head； she might supply that content； and bring
him happiness！ The thought of his children troubled her most； but she
was quick to perceive that he got nothing from them； and even though it
were partly his own fault； she was inclined to lay the heavier blame on
the woman who had been their mother。 The triviality； the emptiness of
his existence outside of the walls of the mill made her heart beat with
pure pity。 For she could understand it。
One of the many； and often humorous； incidents that served to bring about
this realization of a former aimlessness happened on their second Sunday
excursion。 This time he had not chosen the Kingsbury Tavern； but another
automobilists' haunt； an enlightening indication of established habits
involving a wide choice of resorts。 While he was paying for luncheon and
chatting with the proprietor； Ditmar snatched f