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the dwelling place of ligh-第51章

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declared; 〃but I guess it's so if you say it is。〃

〃Of course it's so;〃 said Edward。

〃I so want you should be happy; Janet;〃 said Hannah。。。。

Was it so?  Her mother and father; the dwarfed and ugly surroundings of
Fillmore Street made it seem incredible once more。  Andwhat would they
say if they knew what had happened to her this day?  When she had reached
her room; Janet began to wonder why she had told her parents。  Had it not
been in order to relieve their anxietyespecially her mother'son the
score of her recent absences from home?  Yes; that was it; and because
the news would make them happy。  And then the mere assertion to them that
she was to marry Ditmar helped to make it more real to herself。  But; now
that reality was fading again; she was unable to bring it within the
scope of her imagination; her mind refused to hold one remembered
circumstance long enough to coordinate it with another: she realized that
she was tiredtoo tired to think any more。  But despite her exhaustion
there remained within her; possessing her; as it were overshadowing her;
unrelated to future or past; the presence of the man who had awakened her
to an intensity of life hitherto unconceived。  When her head touched the
pillow she fell asleep。。。。

When the bells and the undulating scream of the siren awoke her; she lay
awhile groping in the darkness。  Where was she?  Who was she?  The
discovery of the fact that the nail of the middle finger on her right
hand was broken; gave her a clew。  She had broken that nail in reaching
out to save somethinga vase of rosesthat was it!a vase of roses on
a table with a white cloth。  Ditmar had tipped it over。  The sudden
flaring up of this trivial incident served to re…establish her identity;
to light a fuse along which her mind began to run like fire; illuminating
redly all the events of the day before。  It was sweet to lie thus; to
possess; as her very own; these precious; passionate memories of life
lived at last to fulness; to feel that she had irrevocably given herself
and takenall。  A longing to see Ditmar again invaded her: he would take
an early train; he would be at the office by nine。  How could she wait
until then?

With a movement that had become habitual; subconscious; she reached out
her hand to arouse her sister。  The coldness of the sheets on the right
side of the bed sent a shiver through hera shiver of fear。

〃Lise!〃 she called。  But there was no answer from the darkness。  And
Janet; trembling; her heart beating wildly; sprang from the bed; searched
for the matches; and lit the gas。  There was no sign of Lise; her
clothes; which she had the habit of flinging across the chairs; were
nowhere to be seen。  Janet's eyes fell on the bureau; marked the absence
of several knick…knacks; including a comb and brush; and with a sudden
sickness of apprehension she darted to the wardrobe and flung open the
doors。  In the bottom were a few odd garments; above was the hat with the
purple feather; now shabby and discarded; on the hooks a skirt and jacket
Lise wore to work at the Bagatelle in bad weather。  That was all。。。。
Janet sank down in the rocking…chair; her hands clasped together;
overwhelmed by the sudden apprehension of the tragedy that had lurked;
all unsuspected; in the darkness: a tragedy; not of Lise alone; but in
which she herself was somehow involved。  Just why this was so; she could
not for the moment declare。  The room was cold; she was clad only in a
nightdress; but surges of heat ran through her body。  What should she do?
She must think。  But thought was impossible。  She got up and closed the
window and began to dress with feverish rapidity; pausing now and again
to stand motionless。  In one such moment there entered her mind an
incident that oddly had made little impression at the time of its
occurrence because she; Janet; had been blinded by the prospect of her
own happinessthat happiness which; a few minutes ago; had seemed so
real and vital a thing!  And it was the memory of this incident that
suddenly threw a glaring; evil light on all of Lise's conduct during the
past monthsher accidental dropping of the vanity case and the gold
coin!  Now she knew'for a certainty what had happened to her sister。

Having dressed herself; she entered the kitchen; which was warm; filled
with the smell of frying meat。  Streaks of grease smoke floated
fantastically beneath the low ceiling; and Hannah; with the fryingpan in
one hand and a fork in the other; was bending over the stove。  Wisps of
her scant; whitening hair escaped from the ridiculous; tightly drawn knot
at the back of her head; in the light of the flickering gas…jet she
looked so old and worn that a sudden pity smote Janet and made her dumb
pity for her mother; pity for herself; pity for Lise; pity that lent a
staggering insight into life itself。  Hannah had once been young;
desirable; perhaps; swayed by those forces which had swayed her。  Janet
wondered why she had never guessed this before; and why she had guessed
it now。  But it was Hannah who; looking up and catching sight of Janet's
face; was quick to divine the presage in it and gave voice to the
foreboding that had weighed on her for many weeks。

〃Where's Lise?〃

And Janet could not answer。  She shook her head。  Hannah dropped the
fork; the handle of the frying pan and crossed the room swiftly; seizing
Janet by the shoulders。

〃Is she gone?  I knew it; I felt it all along。  I thought she'd done
something she was afraid to tell aboutI tried to ask her; but I
couldn'tI couldn't!  And now she's gone。  Oh; my God; I'll never
forgive myself!〃

The unaccustomed sight of her mother's grief was terrible。  For an
instant only she clung to Janet; then becoming mute; she sat down in the
kitchen chair and stared with dry; unseeing eyes at the wall。  Her face
twitched。  Janet could not bear to look at it; to see the torture in her
mother's eyes。  She; Janet; seemed suddenly to have grown old herself; to
have lived through ages of misery and tragedy。。。。  She was aware of a
pungent odour; went to the stove; picked up the fork; and turned the
steak。  Now and then she glanced at Hannah。  Grief seemed to have frozen
her。  Then; from the dining…room she heard footsteps; and Edward stood in
the doorway。

〃Well; what's the matter with breakfast?〃 he asked。  From where he stood
he could not see Hannah's face; but gradually his eyes were drawn to her
figure。  His intuition was not quick; and some moments passed before the
rigidity of the pose impressed itself upon him。

〃Is mother sick?〃 he asked falteringly。

Janet went to him。  But it was Hannah who spoke。

〃Lise has gone;〃 she said。

〃Lisegone;〃 Edward repeated。  〃Gone where?〃

〃She's run awayshe's disgraced us;〃 Hannah replied; in a monotonous;
dulled voice。

Edward did not seem to understand; and presently Janet felt impelled to
break the silence。

〃She didn't come home last night; father。〃

〃Didn't come home?  Mebbe she spent the night with a friend;〃 he said。

It seemed incredible; at such a moment; that he could still be hopeful。

〃No; she's gone; I tell you; she's lost; we'll never lay eyes on her
again。  My God; I never thought she'd come to this; but I might have
guessed it。  Lise! Lise! To think it's my Lise!〃

Hannah's voice echoed pitifully through the silence of the flat。  So
appealing; so heartbroken was the cry one might have thought that Lise;
wherever she was; would have heard it。  Edward was dazed by the shock;
his lower lip quivered and fell。  He walked over to Hannah's chair and
put his hand on her shoulder。

〃There; there; mother;〃 he pleaded。  〃If she's gone; we'll find her;
we'll bring her back to you。〃

Hannah shook her head。  She pushed back her chair abruptly and going over
to the stove took the fork from Janet's hand and put the steak on the
dish。

〃Go in there and set down; Edward;〃 she said。  〃I guess we've got to have
breakfast just the same; whether she's gone or not。〃

It was terrible to see Hannah; with that look on her face; going about
her tasks automatically。  And Edward; too; seemed suddenly to have become
aged and broken; his trust in the world; so amazingly preserved through
many vicissitudes; shattered at last。  He spilled his coffee when he
tried to drink; and presently he got up and wandered about the room;
searching for his overcoat。  It was Janet who found it and helped him on
with it。  He tried to say something; but failing; departed heavily for
the mill。  Janet began to remove the dishes from the table。

〃You've got to eat something; too; before you go to work;〃 said Hannah。

〃I've had all I want;〃 Janet replied。

Hannah followed her into the kitchen。  The scarcely touched food was laid
aside; the coffee…pot emptied; Hannah put the cups in the basin in the
sink and let the water run。  She turned to Janet and seized her hands
convulsively。

〃Let me do this; mother;〃 said Janet。  She knew her mother was thinking
of the newly…found joy that Lise's disgrace had marred; but she released
her hands; gently; and took the mop from the nail on which it hung。

〃You sit down; mother;〃 she said。

Hannah would not。  They finished the dishes together in silence while 
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