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with a message from Montesinos but from myself； for Montesinos is in
his cave expecting； or more properly speaking； waiting for his
disenchantment； for there's the tail to be skinned yet for him； if
he owes you anything； or you have any business to transact with him；
I'll bring him to you and put him where you choose； but for the
present make up your mind to consent to this penance； and believe me
it will be very good for you； for soul as well for body… for your soul
because of the charity with which you perform it； for your body
because I know that you are of a sanguine habit and it will do you
no harm to draw a little blood。〃
〃There are a great many doctors in the world； even the enchanters
are doctors；〃 said Sancho； 〃however； as everybody tells me the same
thing …though I can't see it myself… I say I am willing to give myself
the three thousand three hundred lashes； provided I am to lay them
on whenever I like； without any fixing of days or times； and I'll
try and get out of debt as quickly as I can； that the world may
enjoy the beauty of the lady Dulcinea del Toboso； as it seems；
contrary to what I thought； that she is beautiful after all。 It must
be a condition； too； that I am not to be bound to draw blood with
the scourge； and that if any of the lashes happen to he fly…flappers
they are to count。 Item； that； in case I should make any mistake in
the reckoning； Senor Merlin； as he knows everything； is to keep count；
and let me know how many are still wanting or over the number。〃
〃There will be no need to let you know of any over；〃 said Merlin；
〃because； when you reach the full number； the lady Dulcinea will at
once； and that very instant； be disenchanted； and will come in her
gratitude to seek out the worthy Sancho； and thank him； and even
reward him for the good work。 So you have no cause to be uneasy
about stripes too many or too few； heaven forbid I should cheat anyone
of even a hair of his head。〃
〃Well then； in God's hands be it；〃 said Sancho； 〃in the hard case
I'm in I give in； I say I accept the penance on the conditions laid
down。〃
The instant Sancho uttered these last words the music of the
clarions struck up once more； and again a host of muskets were
discharged； and Don Quixote hung on Sancho's neck kissing him again
and again on the forehead and cheeks。 The duchess and the duke
expressed the greatest satisfaction； the car began to move on； and
as it passed the fair Dulcinea bowed to the duke and duchess and
made a low curtsey to Sancho。
And now bright smiling dawn came on apace； the flowers of the field；
revived； raised up their heads； and the crystal waters of the
brooks； murmuring over the grey and white pebbles； hastened to pay
their tribute to the expectant rivers； the glad earth； the unclouded
sky； the fresh breeze； the clear light； each and all showed that the
day that came treading on the skirts of morning would be calm and
bright。 The duke and duchess； pleased with their hunt and at having
carried out their plans so cleverly and successfully； returned to
their castle resolved to follow up their joke； for to them there was
no reality that could afford them more amusement。
CHAPTER XXXVI
WHEREIN IS RELATED THE STRANGE AND UNDREAMT…OF ADVENTURE OF THE
DISTRESSED DUENNA； ALIAS THE COUNTESS TRIFALDI； TOGETHER WITH A LETTER
WHICH SANCHO PANZA WROTE TO HIS WIFE； TERESA PANZA
THE duke had a majordomo of a very facetious and sportive turn；
and he it was that played the part of Merlin； made all the
arrangements for the late adventure； composed the verses； and got a
page to represent Dulcinea； and now； with the assistance of his master
and mistress； he got up another of the drollest and strangest
contrivances that can be imagined。
The duchess asked Sancho the next day if he had made a beginning
with his penance task which he had to perform for the disenchantment
of Dulcinea。 He said he had； and had given himself five lashes
overnight。
The duchess asked him what he had given them with。
He said with his hand。
〃That；〃 said the duchess； 〃is more like giving oneself slaps than
lashes； I am sure the sage Merlin will not be satisfied with such
tenderness； worthy Sancho must make a scourge with claws； or a
cat…o'…nine tails； that will make itself felt； for it's with blood
that letters enter； and the release of so great a lady as Dulcinea
will not be granted so cheaply； or at such a paltry price； and
remember； Sancho； that works of charity done in a lukewarm and
half…hearted way are without merit and of no avail。〃
To which Sancho replied； 〃If your ladyship will give me a proper
scourge or cord； I'll lay on with it； provided it does not hurt too
much； for you must know； boor as I am； my flesh is more cotton than
hemp； and it won't do for me to destroy myself for the good of anybody
else。〃
〃So be it by all means；〃 said the duchess； 〃tomorrow I'll give you a
scourge that will be just the thing for you； and will accommodate
itself to the tenderness of your flesh； as if it was its own sister。〃
Then said Sancho； 〃Your highness must know； dear lady of my soul；
that I have a letter written to my wife； Teresa Panza； giving her an
account of all that has happened me since I left her； I have it here
in my bosom； and there's nothing wanting but to put the address to it；
I'd be glad if your discretion would read it； for I think it runs in
the governor style； I mean the way governors ought to write。〃
〃And who dictated it？〃 asked the duchess。
〃Who should have dictated but myself； sinner as I am？〃 said Sancho。
〃And did you write it yourself？〃 said the duchess。
〃That I didn't；〃 said Sancho； 〃for I can neither read nor write；
though I can sign my name。〃
〃Let us see it；〃 said the duchess； 〃for never fear but you display
in it the quality and quantity of your wit。〃
Sancho drew out an open letter from his bosom； and the duchess；
taking it； found it ran in this fashion：
SANCHO PANZA'S LETTER TO HIS WIFE； TERESA PANZA
If I was well whipped I went mounted like a gentleman； if I have got
a good government it is at the cost of a good whipping。 Thou wilt
not understand this just now； my Teresa； by…and…by thou wilt know what
it means。 I may tell thee； Teresa； I mean thee to go in a coach； for
that is a matter of importance； because every other way of going is
going on all…fours。 Thou art a governor's wife； take care that
nobody speaks evil of thee behind thy back。 I send thee here a green
hunting suit that my lady the duchess gave me； alter it so as to
make a petticoat and bodice for our daughter。 Don Quixote； my
master； if I am to believe what I hear in these parts； is a madman
of some sense； and a droll blockhead； and I am no way behind him。 We
have been in the cave of Montesinos； and the sage Merlin has laid hold
of me for the disenchantment of Dulcinea del Toboso； her that is
called Aldonza Lorenzo over there。 With three thousand three hundred
lashes； less five； that I'm to give myself； she will be left as
entirely disenchanted as the mother that bore her。 Say nothing of this
to anyone； for； make thy affairs public； and some will say they are
white and others will say they are black。 I shall leave this in a
few days for my government； to which I am going with a mighty great
desire to make money； for they tell me all new governors set out
with the same desire； I will feel the pulse of it and will let thee
know if thou art to come and live with me or not。 Dapple is well and
sends many remembrances to thee； I am not going to leave him behind
though they took me away to be Grand Turk。 My lady the duchess
kisses thy hands a thousand times； do thou make a return with two
thousand； for as my master says； nothing costs less or is cheaper than
civility。 God has not been pleased to provide another valise for me
with another hundred crowns； like the one the other day； but never
mind； my Teresa； the bell…ringer is in safe quarters； and all will
come out in the scouring of the government； only it troubles me
greatly what they tell me… that once I have tasted it I will eat my
hands off after it； and if that is so it will not come very cheap to
me； though to be sure the maimed have a benefice of their own in the
alms they beg for； so that one way or another thou wilt be rich and in
luck。 God give it to thee as he can； and keep me to serve thee。 From
this castle； the 20th of July； 1614。
Thy husband； the governor。
SANCHO PANZA
When she had done reading the letter the duchess said to Sancho； 〃On
two points the worthy governor goes rather astray； one is in saying or
hinting that this government has been bestowed upon him for the lashes
that he is to give himself； when he knows （and he cannot deny it） that
when my lord the duke promised it to him nobody ever dreamt of such
a thing as lashes； the other is that he shows himself here to he
very covetous； and I would not have him a money…seeker； for
'covetousness bursts the bag；' and the covetous governor does
ungoverned justice。〃
〃I don't mean it that way； senora；〃 said Sancho； 〃and if you think
the letter doesn't run as it ought to do； it's only to tear it up
an