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duchess？〃 asked Don Quixote。
〃Adjured in that way；〃 replied the duenna； 〃I cannot help
answering the question and telling the whole truth。 Senor Don Quixote；
have you observed the comeliness of my lady the duchess； that smooth
complexion of hers like a burnished polished sword； those two cheeks
of milk and carmine； that gay lively step with which she treads or
rather seems to spurn the earth； so that one would fancy she went
radiating health wherever she passed？ Well then； let me tell you she
may thank； first of all God； for this； and next； two issues that she
has； one in each leg； by which all the evil humours； of which the
doctors say she is full； are discharged。〃
〃Blessed Virgin！〃 exclaimed Don Quixote； 〃and is it possible that my
lady the duchess has drains of that sort？ I would not have believed it
if the barefoot friars had told it me； but as the lady Dona
Rodriguez says so； it must be so。 But surely such issues； and in
such places； do not discharge humours； but liquid amber。 Verily； I
do believe now that this practice of opening issues is a very
important matter for the health。〃
Don Quixote had hardly said this； when the chamber door flew open
with a loud bang； and with the start the noise gave her Dona Rodriguez
let the candle fall from her hand； and the room was left as dark as
a wolf's mouth； as the saying is。 Suddenly the poor duenna felt two
hands seize her by the throat； so tightly that she could not croak；
while some one else； without uttering a word； very briskly hoisted
up her petticoats； and with what seemed to be a slipper began to lay
on so heartily that anyone would have felt pity for her； but
although Don Quixote felt it he never stirred from his bed； but lay
quiet and silent； nay apprehensive that his turn for a drubbing
might be coming。 Nor was the apprehension an idle one； one； for
leaving the duenna （who did not dare to cry out） well basted； the
silent executioners fell upon Don Quixote； and stripping him of the
sheet and the coverlet； they pinched him so fast and so hard that he
was driven to defend himself with his fists； and all this in
marvellous silence。 The battle lasted nearly half an hour； and then
the phantoms fled； Dona Rodriguez gathered up her skirts； and
bemoaning her fate went out without saying a word to Don Quixote；
and he； sorely pinched； puzzled； and dejected； remained alone； and
there we will leave him； wondering who could have been the perverse
enchanter who had reduced him to such a state； but that shall be
told in due season； for Sancho claims our attention； and the
methodical arrangement of the story demands it。
CHAPTER XLIX
OF WHAT HAPPENED SANCHO IN MAKING THE ROUND OF HIS ISLAND
WE left the great governor angered and irritated by that
portrait…painting rogue of a farmer who； instructed the majordomo；
as the majordomo was by the duke； tried to practise upon him； he
however； fool； boor； and clown as he was； held his own against them
all； saying to those round him and to Doctor Pedro Recio； who as
soon as the private business of the duke's letter was disposed of
had returned to the room； 〃Now I see plainly enough that judges and
governors ought to be and must be made of brass not to feel the
importunities of the applicants that at all times and all seasons
insist on being heard； and having their business despatched； and their
own affairs and no others attended to； come what may； and if the
poor judge does not hear them and settle the matter… either because he
cannot or because that is not the time set apart for hearing them…
forthwith they abuse him； and run him down； and gnaw at his bones； and
even pick holes in his pedigree。 You silly； stupid applicant； don't be
in a hurry； wait for the proper time and season for doing business；
don't come at dinner…hour； or at bed…time； for judges are only flesh
and blood； and must give to Nature what she naturally demands of them；
all except myself； for in my case I give her nothing to eat； thanks to
Senor Doctor Pedro Recio Tirteafuera here； who would have me die of
hunger； and declares that death to be life； and the same sort of
life may God give him and all his kind… I mean the bad doctors； for
the good ones deserve palms and laurels。〃
All who knew Sancho Panza were astonished to hear him speak so
elegantly； and did not know what to attribute it to unless it were
that office and grave responsibility either smarten or stupefy men's
wits。 At last Doctor Pedro Recio Agilers of Tirteafuera promised to
let him have supper that night though it might be in contravention
of all the aphorisms of Hippocrates。 With this the governor was
satisfied and looked forward to the approach of night and
supper…time with great anxiety； and though time； to his mind； stood
still and made no progress； nevertheless the hour he so longed for
came； and they gave him a beef salad with onions and some boiled
calves' feet rather far gone。 At this he fell to with greater relish
than if they had given him francolins from Milan； pheasants from Rome；
veal from Sorrento； partridges from Moron； or geese from Lavajos；
and turning to the doctor at supper he said to him； 〃Look here；
senor doctor； for the future don't trouble yourself about giving me
dainty things or choice dishes to eat； for it will be only taking my
stomach off its hinges； it is accustomed to goat； cow； bacon； hung
beef； turnips and onions； and if by any chance it is given these
palace dishes； it receives them squeamishly； and sometimes with
loathing。 What the head…carver had best do is to serve me with what
they call ollas podridas （and the rottener they are the better they
smell）； and he can put whatever he likes into them； so long as it is
good to eat； and I'll be obliged to him； and will requite him some
day。 But let nobody play pranks on me； for either we are or we are
not； let us live and eat in peace and good…fellowship； for when God
sends the dawn； be sends it for all。 I mean to govern this island
without giving up a right or taking a bribe； let everyone keep his eye
open； and look out for the arrow； for I can tell them 'the devil's
in Cantillana；' and if they drive me to it they'll see something
that will astonish them。 Nay！ make yourself honey and the flies eat
you。〃
〃Of a truth； senor governor；〃 said the carver； 〃your worship is in
the right of it in everything you have said； and I promise you in
the name of all the inhabitants of this island that they will serve
your worship with all zeal； affection； and good…will； for the mild
kind of government you have given a sample of to begin with； leaves
them no ground for doing or thinking anything to your worship's
disadvantage。〃
〃That I believe；〃 said Sancho； 〃and they would be great fools if
they did or thought otherwise； once more I say； see to my feeding
and my Dapple's for that is the great point and what is most to the
purpose； and when the hour comes let us go the rounds； for it is my
intention to purge this island of all manner of uncleanness and of all
idle good…for…nothing vagabonds； for I would have you know that lazy
idlers are the same thing in a State as the drones in a hive； that eat
up the honey the industrious bees make。 I mean to protect the
husbandman； to preserve to the gentleman his privileges； to reward the
virtuous； and above all to respect religion and honour its
ministers。 What say you to that； my friends？ Is there anything in what
I say； or am I talking to no purpose？〃
〃There is so much in what your worship says； senor governor；〃 said
the majordomo； 〃that I am filled with wonder when I see a man like
your worship； entirely without learning （for I believe you have none
at all）； say such things； and so full of sound maxims and sage
remarks； very different from what was expected of your worship's
intelligence by those who sent us or by us who came here。 Every day we
see something new in this world； jokes become realities； and the
jokers find the tables turned upon them。〃
Night came； and with the permission of Doctor Pedro Recio； the
governor had supper。 They then got ready to go the rounds； and he
started with the majordomo； the secretary； the head…carver； the
chronicler charged with recording his deeds； and alguacils and
notaries enough to form a fair…sized squadron。 In the midst marched
Sancho with his staff； as fine a sight as one could wish to see； and
but a few streets of the town had been traversed when they heard a
noise as of a clashing of swords。 They hastened to the spot； and found
that the combatants were but two； who seeing the authorities
approaching stood still； and one of them exclaimed； 〃Help； in the name
of God and the king！ Are men to he allowed to rob in the middle of
this town； and rush out and attack people in the very streets？〃
〃Be calm； my good man；〃 said Sancho； 〃and tell me what the cause
of this quarrel is； for I am the governor。〃
Said the other combatant； 〃Senor governor； I will tell you in a very
few words。 Your worship must know that this gentleman has just now won
more than a thousand reals in that gambling house opposite； and God
knows how。 I was there； and gave more than one doubtful point in his
favour； very much against what my conscience tol