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despair。 Her sufferings had been the more bitter because she had not
parted with her proud reserve。 She had refused council； and denied
her confidence to those who could have guided her repentance。 Her
natural good sense； and the sound principle in which she had been
brought up； had taught her to distrust her gloomy feelings as
possibly morbid； and she had prayed； keeping her hold of faith in the
Infinite Mercy； though she could not feel her own part in it； and
thus that faith was beginning at last to clear her path。
It was the harder to deal with her； because her hysterical agitation
was so easily excited； that her father hardly dared to let a word be
spoken to her； and she was allowed to see no one else except her aunt
and the dear old nurse； whose tears for her child Margaret had been
checked by the urgent requirements of another of her nurslings； and
whom George Rivers would have paid with her weight in gold； for
taking care of his new daughter； regarding her as the only woman in
the world that could be trusted。
Those were heavy days with every one； though each brought some shade
of improvement。 They were harder to bear than the peaceful days that
had immediately followed the loss of Margaret； and Ethel was
especially unhappy and forlorn under the new anxiety； where she could
be of no service； and with her precious occupation gone； her father
absent； instead of resting upon her； and her room deserted。 She was
grieved with herself； because her feelings were unable to soar at the
Christmas Feast； as erst on St。 Andrew's Day； and she was bewildered
and distressed by the fear that she had then been only uplifted by
vanity and elation。
She told Richard so； and he said； kindly； that he thought a good deal
of that she complained of arose from bodily weariness。
This hurt her a little； but when he said； 〃I think that the blessings
of St。 Andrew's Day helped us through what was to follow；〃 she owned
that it had indeed been so； and added； 〃I am going to work again！
Tell me what will be most useful to you at Cocksmoor。〃
Sick at heart as she was； she bravely set herself to appropriate the
hours now left vacant； and manfully walked with Richard and Harry to
church at Cocksmoor on St。 Stephen's Day； but the church brought back
the sense of contrast。 Next； she insisted on fulfilling their
intention of coming home by Abbotstoke to hear how Flora was； when
the unfavourable account only added lead to the burden that weighed
her down。 Though they were sent home in the carriage； she was so
completely spent； that the effect of returning home to her room；
without its dear inhabitant； was quite overwhelming； and she sat on
her bed for half an hour； struggling with repinings。 She came
downstairs without having gained the victory； and was so physically
overcome with lassitude； that Richard insisted on her lying on the
sofa； and leaving everything to him and Mary。
Richard seemed to make her his object in life； and was an unspeakable
help and comforter to her； not only by taking every care for her for
her sake； but by turning to her as his own friend and confidante； the
best able to replace what they had lost。 There were many plans to be
put in operation for Cocksmoor； on which much consultation was
needed； though every word reminded them sadly of Margaret's ever
ready interest in those schemes。 It was very unlike Ethel's vision
of the first weeks of St。 Andrew's Church； but it might be safer for
her than that aught should tempt her to say； 〃See what my
perseverance has wrought！〃 Perhaps her Margaret had begun to admire
her too much to be her safest confidanteat any rate； it was good
still to sow in tears； rather than on earth to reap in confident joy。
Norman was as brotherly and kind as possible； but it was one of the
dreary feelings of those days； that Ethel then first became aware of
the difference that his engagement had made； and saw that he resorted
elsewhere for sympathy。 She was not jealous； and acquiesced
submissively and resolutely； but they had been so much to each other；
that it was a trial； especially at such a time as this； when freshly
deprived of Margaret。
Norman's own prospect was not cheerful。 He had received a letter
from New Zealand； begging him to hasten his coming out； as there was
educational work much wanting him； and； according to his original
wish； he could be ordained there in the autumnal Ember Week。
He was in much perplexity； since； according to this request； he ought
to sail with his aunt in the last week of February； and he knew not
how to reconcile the conflicting claims。
Meta was not long in finding out the whole of his trouble； as they
paced up and down the terrace together on a frosty afternoon。
〃You will go！〃 was her first exclamation。
〃I ought；〃 said Norman； 〃I believe I ought； and if it had only been
at any other time； it would have been easy。 My aunt's company would
have been such a comfort for you。〃
〃It cannot be helped；〃 said Meta。
〃Considering the circumstances；〃 began Norman； with lingering looks
at the little humming…bird on his arm； 〃I believe I should be
justified in waiting till such time as you could go with me。 I could
see what Mr。 Wilmot thinks。〃
〃You don't think so yourself；〃 said Meta。 〃Nobody else can give a
judgment。 In a thing like this； asking is； what you once called；
seeking opinions as Balaam inquired。〃
〃Turning my words against me？〃 said Norman； smiling。 〃Still； Meta；
perhaps older heads would be fitter to judge what would be right for
a little person not far off。〃
〃She can be the best judge of that herself；〃 said Meta。 〃Norman；〃
and her dark eyes were steadfastly fixed； 〃I always resolved that；
with God's help； I would not be a stumbling…block in the way of your
call to your work。 I will not。 Go out nowperhaps you will be
freer for it without me； and I suppose I have a longer apprenticeship
to serve to all sorts of things before I come to help you。〃
〃Oh； Meta； you are a rebuke to me！〃
〃What？ when I am going to stay by my own fireside？〃 said Meta； trying
to laugh； but not very successfully。 〃Seriously； I have much to do
here。 When poor Flora gets well； she must be spared all exertion for
a long time to come； and I flatter myself that they want me at
Stoneborough sometimes。 If your father can bear to spare you； there
is no doubt that you ought to go。〃
〃My father is as unselfish as you are； Meta。 But I cannot speak to
him until he is more easy about Flora。 We always think the required
sacrifice the hardest； but I must own that I could not grieve if he
laid his commands on me to wait till the autumn。〃
〃Oh； that would make it a duty and all easy；〃 said Meta； smiling；
〃but I don't think he will； and Aunt Flora will be only too glad to
carry you out without encumbrance。〃
〃Has not Aunt Flora come to her senses about you？〃
〃I believe she would rather I belonged to any of her nephews but you。
She is such a dear； sincere； kind…hearted person； and we are so
comfortable together； that it will be quite like home to come out to
her！ I mean there； to convince her that I can be of something like
use。〃
Meta talked so as to brighten and invigorate Norman when they were
together； but they both grew low…spirited when apart。 The humming…
bird had hardly ever been so downcast as at presentthat is；
whenever she was not engaged in waiting on her brother； or in
cheering up Dr。 May； or in any of the many gentle offices that she
was ever fulfilling。 She was greatly disappointed； and full of fears
for Norman； and dread of the separation； but she would not give way；
and only now and then； when off her guard； would the sadness reign on
her face without an effort。 Alone； she fought and prayed for
resignation for herself； and protection and strength for him； and
chid herself for the foolish feeling that he would be safer with her。
She told Aunt Flora how it was one evening； as they sat over the fire
together； speaking with a would…be tone of congratulation。
〃Indeed！〃 exclaimed Mrs。 Arnott。 〃But that is a great pity！〃
Meta looked quite brightened by her saying so。 〃I thought you would
be glad；〃 she rejoined。
〃Did you think me so hard…hearted？〃
〃I thought you believed he would be better without me。〃
〃My dear； we have not kept house and nursed together for a month for
nothing；〃 said Mrs。 Arnott； smiling。
〃Thank you；〃 said Meta； trying to answer the smile。 〃You have taken
a load off me！〃
〃I don't like it at all；〃 said Mrs。 Arnott。 〃It is a very
uncomfortable plan for every one。 And yet when I know how great is
the want of him out there； I can say nothing against it without high
treason。 Well； my dear； I'll take all the care I can of Norman； and
when you come； I shall be almost as glad as if we were coming home
for good。 Poor Flora！ she is one person who will not regret the
arrangement。〃
〃Poor Flora！you think her really better this evening？〃
〃Much better； indeed； if we could only raise her spirits； I think she
would recover very well； but she is so sadly depressed。 I must try
to talk to Ethelshe may better understand her。〃
〃I have never understood Flora；〃 said Meta。 〃She has been as kind