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book xiv。＇ tied together like dogs； and a wife ought not to be so
greedily enamoured of her husband's foreparts； that she cannot endure to
see him turn his back； if occasion be。 But may not this saying of that
excellent painter of woman's humours be here introduced； to show the
reason of their complaints？
〃Uxor； si cesses； aut to amare cogitat；
Aut tete amari； aut potare； aut animo obsequi；
Et tibi bene esse soli； cum sibi sit male；〃
＇〃Your wife； if you loiter； thinks that you love or are beloved； or
that you are drinking or following your inclination； and that it is
well for you when it is ill for her （all the pleasure is yours and
hers all the care）。〃
Terence； Adelph。； act i。； sc。 I； v。 7。＇
or may it not be； that of itself opposition and contradiction entertain
and nourish them； and that they sufficiently accommodate themselves；
provided they incommodate you？
In true friendship； wherein I am perfect； I more give myself to my
friend； than I endeavour to attract him to me。 I am not only better
pleased in doing him service than if he conferred a benefit upon me；
but； moreover； had rather he should do himself good than me； and he most
obliges me when he does so； and if absence be either more pleasant or
convenient for him； 'tis also more acceptable to me than his presence；
neither is it properly absence； when we can write to one another： I have
sometimes made good use of our separation from one another： we better
filled and further extended the possession of life in being parted。
He ＇La Boetie。＇ lived； enjoyed； and saw for me； and I for him； as
fully as if he had himself been there； one part of us remained idle； and
we were too much blended in one another when we were together； the
distance of place rendered the conjunction of our wills more rich。 This
insatiable desire of personal presence a little implies weakness in the
fruition of souls。
As to what concerns age； which is alleged against me； 'tis quite
contrary； 'tis for youth to subject itself to common opinions； and to
curb itself to please others； it has wherewithal to please both the
people and itself； we have but too much ado to please ourselves alone。
As natural conveniences fail； let us supply them with those that are
artificial。 'Tis injustice to excuse youth for pursuing its pleasures；
and to forbid old men to seek them。 When young； I concealed my wanton
passions with prudence； now I am old； I chase away melancholy by debauch。
And thus do the platonic laws forbid men to travel till forty or fifty
years old； so that travel might be more useful and instructive in so
mature an age。 I should sooner subscribe to the second article of the
same Laws； which forbids it after threescore。
〃But； at such an age； you will never return from so long a journey。〃
What care I for that？ I neither undertake it to return； nor to finish it
my business is only to keep myself in motion； whilst motion pleases me；
I only walk for the walk's sake。 They who run after a benefit or a hare；
run not； they only run who run at base； and to exercise their running。
My design is divisible throughout： it is not grounded upon any great
hopes： every day concludes my expectation： and the journey of my life is
carried on after the same manner。 And yet I have seen places enough a
great way off； where I could have wished to have stayed。 And why not；
if Chrysippus； Cleanthes； Diogenes； Zeno； Antipater； so many sages of the
sourest sect； readily abandoned their country； without occasion of
complaint； and only for the enjoyment of another air。 In earnest； that
which most displeases me in all my travels is； that I cannot resolve to
settle my abode where I should best like； but that I must always propose
to myself to return； to accommodate myself to the common humour。
If I feared to die in any other place than that of my birth； if I thought
I should die more uneasily remote from my own family； I should hardly go
out of France； I should not； without fear； step out of my parish； I feel
death always pinching me by the throat or by the back。 But I am
otherwise constituted； 'tis in all places alike to me。 Yet； might I have
my choice； I think I should rather choose to die on horseback than in
bed； out of my own house； and far from my own people。 There is more
heartbreaking than consolation in taking leave of one's friends； I am
willing to omit that civility； for that； of all the offices of
friendship； is the only one that is unpleasant； and I could； with all my
heart； dispense with that great and eternal farewell。 If there be any
convenience in so many standers…by； it brings an hundred inconveniences
along with it。 I have seen many dying miserably surrounded with all this
train： 'tis a crowd that chokes them。 'Tis against duty； and is a
testimony of little kindness and little care； to permit you to die in
repose； one torments your eyes； another your ears； another your tongue；
you have neither sense nor member that is not worried by them。 Your
heart is wounded with compassion to hear the mourning of friends； and；
perhaps with anger； to hear the counterfeit condolings of pretenders。
Who ever has been delicate and sensitive； when well； is much more so when
ill。 In such a necessity； a gentle hand is required； accommodated to his
sentiment； to scratch him just in the place where he itches； otherwise
scratch him not at all。 If we stand in need of a wise woman ＇midwife；
Fr。 'sage femme'。＇ to bring us into the world； we have much more need
of a still wiser man to help us out of it。 Such a one； and a friend to
boot； a man ought to purchase at any cost for such an occasion。 I am not
yet arrived to that pitch of disdainful vigour that is fortified in
itself； that nothing can assist or disturb； I am of a lower form； I
endeavour to hide myself； and to escape from this passage； not by fear；
but by art。 I do not intend in this act of dying to make proof and show
of my constancy。 For whom should I do it？ all the right and interest I
have in reputation will then cease。 I content myself with a death
involved within itself； quiet； solitary； and all my own； suitable to my
retired and private life； quite contrary to the Roman superstition； where
a man was looked upon as unhappy who died without speaking； and who had
not his nearest relations to close his eyes。 I have enough to do to
comfort myself； without having to console others； thoughts enough in my
head； not to need that circumstances should possess me with new； and
matter enough to occupy me without borrowing。 This affair is out of the
part of society； 'tis the act of one single person。 Let us live and be
merry amongst our friends； let us go repine and die amongst strangers； a
man may find those； for his money； who will shift his pillow and rub his
feet； and will trouble him no more than he would have them； who will
present to him an indifferent countenance； and suffer him to govern
himself； and to complain according to his own method。
I wean myself daily by my reason from this childish and inhuman humour；
of desiring by our sufferings to move the compassion and mourning of our
friends： we stretch our own incommodities beyond their just extent when
we extract tears from others； and the constancy which we commend in every
one in supporting his adverse fortune； we accuse and reproach in our
friends when the evil is our own； we are not satisfied that they should
be sensible of our condition only； unless they be； moreover； afflicted。
A man should diffuse joy； but； as much as he can； smother grief。 He who
makes himself lamented without reason is a man not to be lamented when
there shall be real cause： to be always complaining is the way never to
be lamented； by making himself always in so pitiful a taking； he is never
commiserated by any。 He who makes himself out dead when he is alive； is
subject to be thought living when he is dying。 I have seen some who have
taken it ill when they have been told that they looked well； and that
their pulse was good； restrain their smiles； because they betrayed a
recovery； and be angry； at their health because it was not to be
lamented： and； which is a great deal more； these were not women。
I describe my infirmities； such as they really are； at most； and avoid
all expressions of evil prognostic and composed exclamations。 If not
mirth； at least a temperate countenance in the standers…by； is proper in
the presence of a wise sick man： he does not quarrel with health； for；
seeing himself in a contrary condition； he is pleased to contemplate it
sound and entire in others； and at least to enjoy it for company： he does
not； for feeling himself melt away； abandon all living thoughts； nor
avoid ordinary discourse。 I would study sickness whilst I am well； when
it has seized me； it will make its impression real enough； without the
help of my imagination。 We prepare ourselves beforehand for the journeys
we undertake； and resolve upon them； we leave the appointment of the hour
when to take horse to the company； and in their favour defer it。
I find this unexpected advantage in the publication of my manners； that
it in some sort serves me for a rule。