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imitative。 Perhaps； I said； it was an excess of self…consciousness
which prevented their giving themselves wholly to the art； and I
began to speak of the subjective and the objective； of the real and
the ideal； and whether it was that I became unintelligible as I
became metaphysical； I found Kendricks obviously not following me in
the incoherent replies he gave。 Miss Gage had honestly made no
attempt to follow me。 He asked； Why； didn't I think it was pretty
well done？ They had enjoyed it very much； he said。 I could only
stare in answer； and wonder what had become of the man's tastes or
his principles； he was either humbugging himself or he was
humbugging me。 After that I left them alone； and suffered through
the rest of the play with what relief I could get from laughing when
the pathetic emotions of the drama became too poignant。 I decided
that Kendricks was absorbed in the study of his companion's mind；
which must be open to his contemporaneous eye as it could never have
been to my old…sighted glasses； and I envied him the knowledge he
was gaining of that type of American girl。 It suddenly came to me
that he must be finding his account in this； and I felt a little
less regret for the waste of civilities； of attentions； which
sometimes seemed to me beyond her appreciation。
I； for my part； gave myself to the study of the types about me； and
I dwelt long and luxuriously upon the vision of a florid and massive
matron in diaphanous evening dress； whom I imagined to be revisiting
the glimpses of her girlhood in the ancient watering…place； and to
be getting all the gaiety she could out of it。 These are the
figures one mostly sees at Saratoga； there is very little youth of
the present day there； but the youth of the past abounds； with the
belated yellow hair and the purple moustaches； which gave a notion
of greater wickedness in a former generation。
I made my observation that the dress； even in extreme cases of
elderly prime； was very goodin the case of the women； I mean； the
men there； as everywhere with us； were mostly slovens； and I was
glad to find that the good taste and the correct fashion were
without a colour…line； there were some mulatto ladies present as
stylish as their white sisters； or step…sisters。
The most amiable of the human race is in great force at Saratoga；
where the vast hotel service is wholly in its hands； and it had
honoured the effort of the comedians that night with a full house of
their own complexion。 We who were not of it showed strangely enough
in the dark mass； who let us lead the applause； however； as if
doubtful themselves where it ought to come in； and whom I found
willing even to share some misplaced laughter of mine。 They formed
two…thirds of the audience on the floor； and they were a cloud in
the gallery； scarcely broken by a gleam of white。
I entertained myself with them a good deal； and I thought how much
more delightful they were in their own kindly character than in
their assumption of white character； and I tried to define my
suffering from the performance as an effect from my tormented
sympathies rather than from my offended tastes。 When the long
stress was over； and we rose and stood to let the crowd get out； I
asked Miss Gage if she did not think this must be the case。 I do
not suppose she was really much more experienced in the theatre than
the people on the stage； some of whom I doubted to have ever seen a
play till they took part in East Lynne。 But I thought I would ask
her that in order to hear what she would say； and she said very
simply that she had seen so few plays she did not know what to think
of it； and I could see that she was abashed by the fact。 Kendricks
must have seen it too； for he began at once to save her from
herself； with all his subtle generosity； and to turn her shame to
praise。 My heart； which remained sufficiently cold to her； warmed
more than ever to him； and I should have liked to tell her that here
was the finest and rarest human porcelain using itself like common
clay in her behalf； and to demand whether she thought she was worth
it。
I did not think she was； and I had a lurid moment when I was tempted
to push on and make her show herself somehow at her worst。 We had
undertaken a preposterous thing in befriending her as we had done；
and our course in bringing Kendricks in was wholly unjustifiable。
How could I lead her on to some betrayal of her essential
Philistinism； and make her so impossible in his eyes that even he；
with all his sweetness and goodness； must take the first train from
Saratoga in the morning？
We had of course joined the crowd in pushing forward； people always
do； though they promise themselves to wait till the last one is out。
I got caught in a dark eddy on the first stair…landing； but I could
see them farther down； and I knew they would wait for me outside the
door。
When I reached it at last they were nowhere to be seen； I looked up
this street and down that； but they were not in sight。
CHAPTER XII
I did not afflict myself very much； nor pretend to do so。 They knew
the way home； and after I had blundered about in search of them
through the lampshot darkness； I settled myself to walk back at my
leisure； comfortably sure that I should find them on the verandah
waiting for me when I reached the hotel。 It was quite a thick
night； and I almost ran into a couple at a corner of our quieter
street when I had got to it out of Broadway。 They seemed to be
standing and looking about； and when the man said； 〃He must have
thought we took the first turn；〃 and the woman； 〃Yes； that must have
been the way；〃 I recognised my estrays。
I thought I would not discover myself to them； but follow on； and
surprise them by arriving at our steps at the same moment they did；
and I prepared myself to hurry after them。 But they seemed in no
hurry； and I had even some difficulty in accommodating my pace to
the slowness of theirs。
〃Won't you take my arm； Miss Gage？〃 he asked as they moved on。
〃It's so VERY dark；〃 she answered； and I knew she had taken it。 〃I
can hardly see a step； and poor Mr。 March with his glassesI don't
know what he'll do。〃
〃Oh； he only uses them to read with； he can see as well as we can in
the dark。〃
〃He's very young in his feelings；〃 said the girl； 〃he puts me in
mind of my own father。〃
〃He's very young in his thoughts；〃 said Kendricks； 〃and that's much
more to the purpose for a magazine editor。 There are very few men
of his age who keep in touch with the times as he does。〃
〃Still； Mrs。 March seems a good deal younger； don't you think？ I
wonder how soon they begin to feel old？〃
〃Oh； not till along in the forties； I should say。 It's a good deal
in temperament。 I don't suppose that either of them realises yet
that they're old； and they must be nearly fifty。〃
〃How strange it must be；〃 said the girl； 〃fifty years old！ Twenty
seems old enough； goodness knows。〃
〃How should you like to be a dotard of twenty…seven？〃 Kendricks
asked； and she laughed at his joke。
〃I don't suppose I should mind it so much if I were a man。〃
I had promised myself that if the talk became at all confidential I
would drop behind out of earshot； but though it was curiously
intimate for me to be put apart in the minds of these young people
on account of my years as not of the same race or fate as
themselves； there was nothing in what they said that I might not
innocently overhear； as far as they were concerned； and I listened
on。
But they had apparently given me quite enough attention。 After some
mutual laughter at what she said last； they were silent a moment；
and then he said soberly； 〃There's something fine in this isolation
the dark gives you； isn't there？ You're as remote in it from our
own time and place as if you were wandering in interplanetary
space。〃
〃I suppose we ARE doing that all the timeon the earth；〃 she
suggested。
〃Yes； but how hard it is to realise that we are on the earth now。
Sometimes I have a sense of it； though； when the moon breaks from
one flying cloud to another。 Then it seems as if I were a passenger
on some vast； shapeless ship sailing through the air。 What；〃 he
asked； with no relevancy that I could perceive； 〃was the strangest
feeling YOU ever had？〃 I remembered asking girls such questions
when I was young； and their not apparently thinking it at all odd。
〃I don't know；〃 she returned thoughtfully。 〃There was one time when
I was little； and it had sleeted； and the sun came out just before
it set； and seemed to set all the woods on fire。 I thought the
world was burning up。〃
〃It must have been very weird；〃 said Kendricks； and I thought； 〃Oh；
good heavens！ Has he got to talking of weird things？〃
〃It's strange；〃 he added； 〃how we all have that belief when we are
children that the world is going to burn up！ I don't suppose any
child escapes it。 Do you remember that poem of Thompson'sthe City
of Dreadful Night manwhere he describes the end of the world？〃
〃No； I never read it。〃
〃Well； merely； he says when the conflagration began the little
flames looked like crocuses breaking through the sod。 If it ever
happened I fancy it woul