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passing that way stole the shrouds。
〃Let us live； my friends；〃 said one of the Legislators to the
others； 〃the world is better than we thought。 It contains meaner
thieves than we。〃
The Belly and the Members
SOME Workingmen employed in a shoe factory went on a strike；
saying： 〃Why should we continue to work to feed and clothe our
employer when we have none too much to eat and wear ourselves？〃
The Manufacturer； seeing that he could get no labour for a long
time and finding the times pretty hard anyhow； burned down his shoe
factory for the insurance； and when the strikers wanted to resume
work there was no work to resume。 So they boycotted a tanner。
The Piping Fisherman
AN Editor who was always vaunting the purity； enterprise； and
fearlessness of his paper was pained to observe that he got no
subscribers。 One day it occurred to him to stop saying that his
paper was pure and enterprising and fearless； and make it so。 〃If
these are not good qualities；〃 he reasoned； 〃it is folly to claim
them。〃
Under the new policy he got so many subscribers that his rivals
endeavoured to discover the secret of his prosperity； but he kept
it； and when he died it died with him。
The Ants and the Grasshopper
SOME Members of a Legislature were making schedules of their wealth
at the end of the session； when an Honest Miner came along and
asked them to divide with him。 The members of the Legislature
inquired：
〃Why did you not acquire property of your own？〃
〃Because；〃 replied the Honest Miner； 〃I was so busy digging out
gold that I had no leisure to lay up something worth while。〃
Then the Members of the Legislature derided him； saying：
〃If you waste your time in profitless amusement； you cannot； of
course； expect to share the rewards of industry。〃
The Dog and His Reflection
A STATE Official carrying off the Dome of the Capitol met the Ghost
of his predecessor； who had come out of his political grave to warn
him that God saw him。 As the place of meeting was lonely and the
time midnight； the State Official set down the Dome of the Capitol；
and commanded the supposed traveller to throw up his hands。 The
Ghost replied that he had not eaten them； and while he was
explaining the situation another State Official silently added the
dome to his own collection。
The Lion； the Bear； and the Fox
Two Thieves having stolen a Piano and being unable to divide it
fairly without a remainder went to law about it and continued the
contest as long as either one could steal a dollar to bribe the
judge。 When they could give no more an Honest Man came along and
by a single small payment obtained a judgment and took the Piano
home； where his daughter used it to develop her biceps muscles；
becoming a famous pugiliste。
The Ass and the Lion's Skin
A MEMBER of the State Militia stood at a street corner； scowling
stormily； and the people passing that way went a long way around
him； thinking of the horrors of war。 But presently； in order to
terrify them still more； he strode toward them； when； his sword
entangling his legs； he fell upon the field of glory； and the
people passed over him singing their sweetest songs。
The Ass and the Grasshoppers
A STATESMAN heard some Labourers singing at their work； and wishing
to be happy too； asked them what made them so。
〃Honesty；〃 replied the Labourers。
So the Statesman resolved that he too would be honest； and the
result was that he died of want。
The Wolf and the Lion
AN Indian who had been driven out of a fertile valley by a White
Settler； said：
〃Now that you have robbed me of my land； there is nothing for me to
do but issue invitations to a war…dance。〃
〃I don't so much mind your dancing；〃 said the White Settler；
putting a fresh cartridge into his rifle； 〃but if you attempt to
make me dance you will become a good Indian lamented by all who
didn't know you。 How did YOU get this land； anyhow？〃
The Indian's claim was compromised for a plug hat and a tin horn。
The Hare and the Tortoise
OF two Writers one was brilliant but indolent； the other though
dull； industrious。 They set out for the goal of fame with equal
opportunities。 Before they died the brilliant one was detected in
seventy languages as the author of but two or three books of
fiction and poetry； while the other was honoured in the Bureau of
Statistics of his native land as the compiler of sixteen volumes of
tabulated information relating to the domestic hog。
The Milkmaid and Her Bucket
A SENATOR fell to musing as follows： 〃With the money which I shall
get for my vote in favour of the bill to subsidise cat…ranches； I
can buy a kit of burglar's tools and open a bank。 The profit of
that enterprise will enable me to obtain a long； low； black
schooner； raise a death's…head flag and engage in commerce on the
high seas。 From my gains in that business I can pay for the
Presidency； which at 50；000 a year will give me in four years … 〃
but it took him so long to make the calculation that the bill to
subsidise cat…ranches passed without his vote； and he was compelled
to return to his constituents an honest man； tormented with a clean
conscience。
King Log and King Stork
THE People being dissatisfied with a Democratic Legislature； which
stole no more than they had； elected a Republican one； which not
only stole all they had but exacted a promissory note for the
balance due； secured by a mortgage upon their hope of death。
The Wolf Who Would Be a Lion
A FOOLISH Fellow who had been told that he was a great man believed
it； and got himself appointed a Commissioner to the Interasylum
Exposition of Preserved Idiots。 At the first meeting of the Board
he was mistaken for one of the exhibits； and the janitor was
ordered to remove him to his appropriate glass case。
〃Alas！〃 he exclaimed as he was carried out； 〃why was I not content
to remain where the cut of my forehead is so common as to be known
as the Pacific Slope？〃
The Monkey and the Nuts
A CERTAIN City desiring to purchase a site for a public Deformatory
procured an appropriation from the Government of the country。
Deeming this insufficient for purchase of the site and payment of
reasonable commissions to themselves； the men in charge of the
matter asked for a larger sum； which was readily given。 Believing
that the fountain could not be dipped dry； they applied for still
more and more yet。 Wearied at last by their importunities； the
Government said it would be damned if it gave anything。 So it gave
nothing and was damned all the harder。
The Boys and the Frogs
SOME editors of newspapers were engaged in diffusing general
intelligence and elevating the moral sentiment of the public。 They
had been doing this for some time； when an Eminent Statesman stuck
his head out of the pool of politics； and； speaking for the members
of his profession； said：
〃My friends； I beg you will desist。 I know you make a great deal
of money by this kind of thing； but consider the damage you inflict
upon the business of others！〃
End