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prettiest little hand and foot in the world。 Oh； if she would only say
mon ange and brouiller instead of mon anche and prouiller； she would
be perfection！'
〃We saw the countess； radiant amid the splendors of her equipage。 The
coquette bowed very graciously to us both； and the smile she gave me
seemed to me to be divine and full of love。 I was very happy； I
fancied myself beloved； I had money； a wealth of love in my heart； and
my troubles were over。 I was light…hearted； blithe； and content。 I
found my friend's lady…love charming。 Earth and air and heavenall
natureseemed to reflect Foedora's smile for me。
〃As we returned through the Champs…Elysees； we paid a visit to
Rastignac's hatter and tailor。 Thanks to the 'Necklace；' my
insignificant peace…footing was to end； and I made formidable
preparations for a campaign。 Henceforward I need not shrink from a
contest with the spruce and fashionable young men who made Foedora's
circle。 I went home； locked myself in； and stood by my dormer window；
outwardly calm enough； but in reality I bade a last good…bye to the
roofs without。 I began to live in the future； rehearsed my life drama；
and discounted love and its happiness。 Ah； how stormy life can grow to
be within the four walls of a garret！ The soul within us is like a
fairy； she turns straw into diamonds for us； and for us； at a touch of
her wand； enchanted palaces arise； as flowers in the meadows spring up
towards the sun。
〃Towards noon； next day； Pauline knocked gently at my door； and
brought mewho could guess it？a note from Foedora。 The countess
asked me to take her to the Luxembourg； and to go thence to see with
her the Museum and Jardin des Plantes。
〃 'The man is waiting for an answer；' said Pauline； after quietly
waiting for a moment。
〃I hastily scrawled my acknowledgements； and Pauline took the note。 I
changed my dress。 When my toilette was ended； and I looked at myself
with some complaisance； an icy shiver ran through me as I thought：
〃 'Will Foedora walk or drive？ Will it rain or shine？No matter；
though；' I said to myself； 'whichever it is； can one ever reckon with
feminine caprice？ She will have no money about her； and will want to
give a dozen francs to some little Savoyard because his rags are
picturesque。'
〃I had not a brass farthing； and should have no money till the evening
came。 How dearly a poet pays for the intellectual prowess that method
and toil have brought him； at such crises of our youth！ Innumerable
painfully vivid thoughts pierced me like barbs。 I looked out of my
window； the weather was very unsettled。 If things fell out badly； I
might easily hire a cab for the day； but would not the fear lie on me
every moment that I might not meet Finot in the evening？ I felt too
weak to endure such fears in the midst of my felicity。 Though I felt
sure that I should find nothing； I began a grand search through my
room； I looked for imaginary coins in the recesses of my mattress； I
hunted about everywhereI even shook out my old boots。 A nervous
fever seized me； I looked with wild eyes at the furniture when I had
ransacked it all。 Will you understand； I wonder； the excitement that
possessed me when； plunged deep in the listlessness of despair； I
opened my writing…table drawer； and found a fair and splendid ten…
franc piece that shone like a rising star； new and sparkling； and
slily hiding in a cranny between two boards？ I did not try to account
for its previous reserve and the cruelty of which it had been guilty
in thus lying hidden； I kissed it for a friend faithful in adversity；
and hailed it with a cry that found an echo； and made me turn sharply；
to find Pauline with a face grown white。
〃 'I thought；' she faltered； 'that you had hurt yourself！ The man who
brought the letter' （she broke off as if something smothered her
voice）。 'But mother has paid him；' she added； and flitted away like a
wayward； capricious child。 Poor little one！ I wanted her to share in
my happiness。 I seemed to have all the happiness in the world within
me just then； and I would fain have returned to the unhappy； all that
I felt as if I had stolen from them。
〃The intuitive perception of adversity is sound for the most part； the
countess had sent away her carriage。 One of those freaks that pretty
women can scarcely explain to themselves had determined her to go on
foot； by way of the boulevards； to the Jardin des Plantes。
〃 'It will rain；' I told her； and it pleased her to contradict me。
〃As it fell out； the weather was fine while we went through the
Luxembourg； when we came out； some drops fell from a great cloud；
whose progress I had watched uneasily； and we took a cab。 At the
Museum I was about to dismiss the vehicle； and Foedora （what agonies！）
asked me not to do so。 But it was like a dream in broad daylight for
me； to chat with her； to wander in the Jardin des Plantes； to stray
down the shady alleys； to feel her hand upon my arm； the secret
transports repressed in me were reduced； no doubt； to a fixed and
foolish smile upon my lips； there was something unreal about it all。
Yet in all her movements； however alluring； whether we stood or
whether we walked； there was nothing either tender or lover…like。 When
I tried to share in a measure the action of movement prompted by her
life； I became aware of a check； or of something strange in her that I
cannot explain； or an inner activity concealed in her nature。 There is
no suavity about the movements of women who have no soul in them。 Our
wills were opposed； and we did not keep step together。 Words are
wanting to describe this outward dissonance between two beings； we are
not accustomed to read a thought in a movement。 We instinctively feel
this phenomenon of our nature； but it cannot be expressed。
〃I did not dissect my sensations during those violent seizures of
passion；〃 Raphael went on； after a moment of silence； as if he were
replying to an objection raised by himself。 〃I did not analyze my
pleasures nor count my heartbeats then； as a miser scrutinizes and
weighs his gold pieces。 No； experience sheds its melancholy light over
the events of the past to…day； and memory brings these pictures back；
as the sea…waves in fair weather cast up fragment after fragment of
the debris of a wrecked vessel upon the strand。
〃 'It is in your power to render me a rather important service；' said
the countess； looking at me in an embarrassed way。 'After confiding in
you my aversion to lovers； I feel myself more at liberty to entreat
your good offices in the name of friendship。 Will there not be very
much more merit in obliging me to…day？' she asked； laughing。
〃I looked at her in anguish。 Her manner was coaxing； but in no wise
affectionate； she felt nothing for me； she seemed to be playing a
part； and I thought her a consummate actress。 Then all at once my
hopes awoke once more； at a single look and word。 Yet if reviving love
expressed itself in my eyes； she bore its light without any change in
the clearness of her own； they seemed； like a tiger's eyes； to have a
sheet of metal behind them。 I used to hate her in such moments。
〃 'The influence of the Duc de Navarreins would be very useful to me；
with an all…powerful person in Russia；' she went on； persuasion in
every modulation of her voice； 'whose intervention I need in order to
have justice done me in a matter that concerns both my fortune and my
position in the world； that is to say； the recognition of my marriage
by the Emperor。 Is not the Duc de Navarreins a cousin of yours？ A
letter from him would settle everything。'
〃 'I am yours；' I answered； 'command me。'
〃 'You are very nice；' she said； pressing my hand。 'Come and have
dinner with me； and I will tell you everything； as if you were my
confessor。'
〃So this discreet； suspicious woman； who had never been heard to speak
a word about her affairs to any one； was going to consult me。
〃 'Oh； how dear to me is this silence that you have imposed on me！' I
cried； 'but I would rather have had some sharper ordeal still。' And
she smiled upon the intoxication in my eyes； she did not reject my
admiration in any way； surely she loved me！
〃Fortunately； my purse held just enough to satisfy her cab…man。 The
day spent in her house； alone with her； was delicious； it was the
first time that I had seen her in this way。 Hitherto we had always
been kept apart by the presence of others； and by her formal
politeness and reserved manners； even during her magnificent dinners；
but now it was as if I lived beneath her own roofI had her all to
myself； so to speak。 My wandering fancy broke down barriers； arranged
the events of life to my liking； and steeped me in happiness and love。
I seemed to myself her husband； I liked to watch her busied with
little details； it was a pleasure to me even to see her take off her
bonnet and shawl。 She left me alone for a little； and came back；
charming； with her hair newly arranged； and this dainty change of
toilette had been made for me！
〃During the dinner she lavished attention upon me； and put charm
without end into those numberless trifles to all seeming； that make up
half of our existence nevertheless。 As we sat together before a
crackling f