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the magic skin(驴皮记)-第28章

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prettiest little hand and foot in the world。 Oh; if she would only say
mon ange and brouiller instead of mon anche and prouiller; she would
be perfection!'

〃We saw the countess; radiant amid the splendors of her equipage。 The
coquette bowed very graciously to us both; and the smile she gave me
seemed to me to be divine and full of love。 I was very happy; I
fancied myself beloved; I had money; a wealth of love in my heart; and
my troubles were over。 I was light…hearted; blithe; and content。 I
found my friend's lady…love charming。 Earth and air and heavenall
natureseemed to reflect Foedora's smile for me。

〃As we returned through the Champs…Elysees; we paid a visit to
Rastignac's hatter and tailor。 Thanks to the 'Necklace;' my
insignificant peace…footing was to end; and I made formidable
preparations for a campaign。 Henceforward I need not shrink from a
contest with the spruce and fashionable young men who made Foedora's
circle。 I went home; locked myself in; and stood by my dormer window;
outwardly calm enough; but in reality I bade a last good…bye to the
roofs without。 I began to live in the future; rehearsed my life drama;
and discounted love and its happiness。 Ah; how stormy life can grow to
be within the four walls of a garret! The soul within us is like a
fairy; she turns straw into diamonds for us; and for us; at a touch of
her wand; enchanted palaces arise; as flowers in the meadows spring up
towards the sun。

〃Towards noon; next day; Pauline knocked gently at my door; and
brought mewho could guess it?a note from Foedora。 The countess
asked me to take her to the Luxembourg; and to go thence to see with
her the Museum and Jardin des Plantes。

〃 'The man is waiting for an answer;' said Pauline; after quietly
waiting for a moment。

〃I hastily scrawled my acknowledgements; and Pauline took the note。 I
changed my dress。 When my toilette was ended; and I looked at myself
with some complaisance; an icy shiver ran through me as I thought:

〃 'Will Foedora walk or drive? Will it rain or shine?No matter;
though;' I said to myself; 'whichever it is; can one ever reckon with
feminine caprice? She will have no money about her; and will want to
give a dozen francs to some little Savoyard because his rags are
picturesque。'

〃I had not a brass farthing; and should have no money till the evening
came。 How dearly a poet pays for the intellectual prowess that method
and toil have brought him; at such crises of our youth! Innumerable
painfully vivid thoughts pierced me like barbs。 I looked out of my
window; the weather was very unsettled。 If things fell out badly; I
might easily hire a cab for the day; but would not the fear lie on me
every moment that I might not meet Finot in the evening? I felt too
weak to endure such fears in the midst of my felicity。 Though I felt
sure that I should find nothing; I began a grand search through my
room; I looked for imaginary coins in the recesses of my mattress; I
hunted about everywhereI even shook out my old boots。 A nervous
fever seized me; I looked with wild eyes at the furniture when I had
ransacked it all。 Will you understand; I wonder; the excitement that
possessed me when; plunged deep in the listlessness of despair; I
opened my writing…table drawer; and found a fair and splendid ten…
franc piece that shone like a rising star; new and sparkling; and
slily hiding in a cranny between two boards? I did not try to account
for its previous reserve and the cruelty of which it had been guilty
in thus lying hidden; I kissed it for a friend faithful in adversity;
and hailed it with a cry that found an echo; and made me turn sharply;
to find Pauline with a face grown white。

〃 'I thought;' she faltered; 'that you had hurt yourself! The man who
brought the letter' (she broke off as if something smothered her
voice)。 'But mother has paid him;' she added; and flitted away like a
wayward; capricious child。 Poor little one! I wanted her to share in
my happiness。 I seemed to have all the happiness in the world within
me just then; and I would fain have returned to the unhappy; all that
I felt as if I had stolen from them。

〃The intuitive perception of adversity is sound for the most part; the
countess had sent away her carriage。 One of those freaks that pretty
women can scarcely explain to themselves had determined her to go on
foot; by way of the boulevards; to the Jardin des Plantes。

〃 'It will rain;' I told her; and it pleased her to contradict me。

〃As it fell out; the weather was fine while we went through the
Luxembourg; when we came out; some drops fell from a great cloud;
whose progress I had watched uneasily; and we took a cab。 At the
Museum I was about to dismiss the vehicle; and Foedora (what agonies!)
asked me not to do so。 But it was like a dream in broad daylight for
me; to chat with her; to wander in the Jardin des Plantes; to stray
down the shady alleys; to feel her hand upon my arm; the secret
transports repressed in me were reduced; no doubt; to a fixed and
foolish smile upon my lips; there was something unreal about it all。
Yet in all her movements; however alluring; whether we stood or
whether we walked; there was nothing either tender or lover…like。 When
I tried to share in a measure the action of movement prompted by her
life; I became aware of a check; or of something strange in her that I
cannot explain; or an inner activity concealed in her nature。 There is
no suavity about the movements of women who have no soul in them。 Our
wills were opposed; and we did not keep step together。 Words are
wanting to describe this outward dissonance between two beings; we are
not accustomed to read a thought in a movement。 We instinctively feel
this phenomenon of our nature; but it cannot be expressed。

〃I did not dissect my sensations during those violent seizures of
passion;〃 Raphael went on; after a moment of silence; as if he were
replying to an objection raised by himself。 〃I did not analyze my
pleasures nor count my heartbeats then; as a miser scrutinizes and
weighs his gold pieces。 No; experience sheds its melancholy light over
the events of the past to…day; and memory brings these pictures back;
as the sea…waves in fair weather cast up fragment after fragment of
the debris of a wrecked vessel upon the strand。

〃 'It is in your power to render me a rather important service;' said
the countess; looking at me in an embarrassed way。 'After confiding in
you my aversion to lovers; I feel myself more at liberty to entreat
your good offices in the name of friendship。 Will there not be very
much more merit in obliging me to…day?' she asked; laughing。

〃I looked at her in anguish。 Her manner was coaxing; but in no wise
affectionate; she felt nothing for me; she seemed to be playing a
part; and I thought her a consummate actress。 Then all at once my
hopes awoke once more; at a single look and word。 Yet if reviving love
expressed itself in my eyes; she bore its light without any change in
the clearness of her own; they seemed; like a tiger's eyes; to have a
sheet of metal behind them。 I used to hate her in such moments。

〃 'The influence of the Duc de Navarreins would be very useful to me;
with an all…powerful person in Russia;' she went on; persuasion in
every modulation of her voice; 'whose intervention I need in order to
have justice done me in a matter that concerns both my fortune and my
position in the world; that is to say; the recognition of my marriage
by the Emperor。 Is not the Duc de Navarreins a cousin of yours? A
letter from him would settle everything。'

〃 'I am yours;' I answered; 'command me。'

〃 'You are very nice;' she said; pressing my hand。 'Come and have
dinner with me; and I will tell you everything; as if you were my
confessor。'

〃So this discreet; suspicious woman; who had never been heard to speak
a word about her affairs to any one; was going to consult me。

〃 'Oh; how dear to me is this silence that you have imposed on me!' I
cried; 'but I would rather have had some sharper ordeal still。' And
she smiled upon the intoxication in my eyes; she did not reject my
admiration in any way; surely she loved me!

〃Fortunately; my purse held just enough to satisfy her cab…man。 The
day spent in her house; alone with her; was delicious; it was the
first time that I had seen her in this way。 Hitherto we had always
been kept apart by the presence of others; and by her formal
politeness and reserved manners; even during her magnificent dinners;
but now it was as if I lived beneath her own roofI had her all to
myself; so to speak。 My wandering fancy broke down barriers; arranged
the events of life to my liking; and steeped me in happiness and love。
I seemed to myself her husband; I liked to watch her busied with
little details; it was a pleasure to me even to see her take off her
bonnet and shawl。 She left me alone for a little; and came back;
charming; with her hair newly arranged; and this dainty change of
toilette had been made for me!

〃During the dinner she lavished attention upon me; and put charm
without end into those numberless trifles to all seeming; that make up
half of our existence nevertheless。 As we sat together before a
crackling f
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