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is impossible to find any objection in it； but； indeed； it was
not altogether so proper at this time； for we had given the most
absolute orders to have them ready at four； and had been
ourselves； not without much care and difficulty； most exactly
punctual in keeping to the very minute of our appointment。 But
tradesmen； inn…keepers； and servants； never care to indulge us in
matters contrary to our true interest； which they always know
better than ourselves； nor can any bribes corrupt them to go out
of their way while they are consulting our good in our own despite。
Our disappointment in the other particular； in defiance of our
humility； as it was more extraordinary； was more provoking。 In
short； Mrs。 Francis （for that was the name of the good woman of
the house） no sooner received the news of our intended arrival
than she considered more the gentility than the humanity of her
guests； and applied herself not to that which kindles but to that
which extinguishes fire； and； forgetting to put on her pot； fell
to washing her house。
As the messenger who had brought my venison was impatient to be
dispatched； I ordered it to be brought and laid on the table in
the room where I was seated； and the table not being large
enough； one side； and that a very bloody one； was laid on the
brick floor。 I then ordered Mrs。 Francis to be called in； in
order to give her instructions concerning it； in particular； what
I would have roasted and what baked； concluding that she would be
highly pleased with the prospect of so much money being spent in
her house as she might have now reason to expect； if the wind
continued only a few days longer to blow from the same points
whence it had blown for several weeks past。
I soon saw good cause； I must confess； to despise my own
sagacity。 Mrs。 Francis； having received her orders； without
making any answer； snatched the side from the floor； which
remained stained with blood； and； bidding a servant to take up
that on the table； left the room with no pleasant countenance；
muttering to herself that； 〃had she known the litter which was to
have been made； she would not have taken such pains to wash her
house that morning。 If this was gentility； much good may it do
such gentlefolks； for her part she had no notion of it。〃 From
these murmurs I received two hints。 The one； that it was not
from a mistake of our inclination that the good woman had starved
us； but from wisely consulting her own dignity； or rather perhaps
her vanity； to which our hunger was offered up as a sacrifice。
The other； that I was now sitting in a damp room； a circumstance；
though it had hitherto escaped my notice from the color of the
bricks； which was by no means to be neglected in a valetudinary state。
My wife； who； besides discharging excellently well her own and
all the tender offices becoming the female character； who；
besides being a faithful friend； an amiable companion； and a
tender nurse； could likewise supply the wants of a decrepit
husband； and occasionally perform his part； had； before this；
discovered the immoderate attention to neatness in Mrs。 Francis；
and provided against its ill consequences。 She had found； though
not under the same roof； a very snug apartment belonging to Mr。
Francis； and which had escaped the mop by his wife's being
satisfied it could not possibly be visited by gentle…folks。 This
was a dry； warm； oaken…floored barn； lined on both sides with
wheaten straw； and opening at one end into a green field and a
beautiful prospect。 Here； without hesitation； she ordered the
cloth to be laid； and came hastily to snatch me from worse perils
by water than the common dangers of the sea。
Mrs。 Francis； who could not trust her own ears； or could not
believe a footman in so extraordinary a phenomenon； followed my
wife； and asked her if she had indeed ordered the cloth to be
laid in the barn？ She answered in the affirmative； upon which
Mrs。 Francis declared she would not dispute her pleasure； but it
was the first time she believed that quality had ever preferred a
barn to a house。 She showed at the same time the most pregnant
marks of contempt； and again lamented the labor she had undergone；
through her ignorance of the absurd taste of her guests。
At length we were seated in one of the most pleasant spots I
believe in the kingdom； and were regaled with our beans and
bacon； in which there was nothing deficient but the quantity。
This defect was however so deplorable that we had consumed our
whole dish before we had visibly lessened our hunger。 We now
waited with impatience the arrival of our second course； which
necessity； and not luxury； had dictated。 This was a joint of
mutton which Mrs。 Francis had been ordered to provide； but when；
being tired with expectation； we ordered our servants TO SEE FOR
SOMETHING ELSE； we were informed that there was nothing else； on
which Mrs。 Francis； being summoned； declared there was no such
thing as mutton to be had at Ryde。 When I expressed some
astonishment at their having no butcher in a village so situated；
she answered they had a very good one； and one that killed all
sorts of meat in season； beef two or three times a year； and
mutton the whole year round； but that； it being then beans and
peas time； he killed no meat； by reason he was not sure of
selling it。 This she had not thought worthy of communication；
any more than that there lived a fisherman at next door； who was
then provided with plenty of soles； and whitings； and lobsters；
far superior to those which adorn a city feast。 This discovery
being made by accident； we completed the best； the pleasantest；
and the merriest meal； with more appetite； more real solid
luxury； and more festivity； than was ever seen in an
entertainment at White's。
It may be wondered at； perhaps； that Mrs。 Francis should be so
negligent of providing for her guests； as she may seem to be thus
inattentive to her own interest； but this was not the case； for；
having clapped a poll…tax on our heads at our arrival； and
determined at what price to discharge our bodies from her house；
the less she suffered any other to share in the levy the clearer
it came into her own pocket； and that it was better to get twelve
pence in a shilling than ten pence； which latter would be the
case if she afforded us fish at any rate。
Thus we passed a most agreeable day owing to good appetites and
good humor； two hearty feeders which will devour with
satisfaction whatever food you place before them； whereas；
without these； the elegance of St。 James's； the charde； the
perigord…pie； or the ortolan； the venison； the turtle； or the
custard； may titillate the throat； but will never convey
happiness to the heart or cheerfulness to the countenance。
As the wind appeared still immovable； my wife proposed my lying
on shore。 I presently agreed； though in defiance of an act of
parliament； by which persons wandering abroad and lodging in
ale…houses are decreed to be rogues and vagabonds； and this too
after having been very singularly officious in putting that law
in execution。 My wife； having reconnoitered the house； reported
that there was one room in which were two beds。 It was
concluded； therefore； that she and Harriot should occupy one and
myself take possession of the other。 She added likewise an
ingenious recommendation of this room to one who had so long been
in a cabin； which it exactly resembled； as it was sunk down with
age on one side； and was in the form of a ship with gunwales too。
For my own part； I make little doubt but this apartment was an
ancient temple； built with the materials of a wreck； and probably
dedicated to Neptune in honor of THE BLESSING sent by him to the
inhabitants； such blessings having in all ages been very common
to them。 The timber employed in it confirms this opinion； being
such as is seldom used by ally but ship…builders。 I do not find
indeed any mention of this matter in Hearn； but perhaps its
antiquity was too modern to deserve his notice。 Certain it is
that this island of Wight was not an early convert to
Christianity； nay； there is some reason to doubt whether it was
ever entirely converted。 But I have only time to touch slightly
on things of this kind； which； luckily for us； we have a society
whose peculiar profession it is to discuss and develop。
Sunday； July 19。This morning early I summoned Mrs。 Francis； in
order to pay her the preceding day's account。 As I could
recollect only two or three articles I thought there was no
necessity of pen and ink。 In a single instance only we had
exceeded what the law allows gratis to a foot…soldier on his
march； viz。； vinegar； salt； etc。； and dressing his meat。 I
found； however； I was mistaken in my calculation； for when the
good woman attended with her bill it contained as follows：
L。 s。 d。