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journal of a voyage to lisbon-第16章

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for then I must describe a nonentity; whereas I would rob him of

nothing but that free agency which is the cause of all the

corruption and of all the misery of human nature。  No man;

indeed; ever did more than the farmer; for he was an absolute

slave to labor all the week; but in truth; as my sagacious reader

must have at first apprehended; when I said he resigned the care

of the house to his wife; I meant more than I then expressed;

even the house and all that belonged to it; for he was really a

farmer only under the direction of his wife。  In a word; so

composed; so serene; so placid a countenance; I never saw; and he

satisfied himself by answering to every question he was asked; 〃I

don't know anything about it; sir; I leaves all that to my wife。〃



Now; as a couple of this kind would; like two vessels of oil;

have made no composition in life; and for want of all savor must

have palled every taste; nature or fortune; or both of them; took

care to provide a proper quantity of acid in the materials that

formed the wife; and to render her a perfect helpmate for so

tranquil a husband。  She abounded in whatsoever he was defective;

that is to say; in almost everything。  She was indeed as vinegar

to oil; or a brisk wind to a standing…pool; and preserved all

from stagnation and corruption。



Quin the player; on taking a nice and severe survey of a

fellow…comedian; burst forth into this exclamation:〃If that

fellow be not a rogue; God Almighty doth not write a legible hand。〃



Whether he guessed right or no is not worth my while to examine;

certain it is that the latter; having wrought his features into a

proper harmony to become the characters of Iago; Shylock; and

others of the same cast; gave us a semblance of truth to the

observation that was sufficient to confirm the wit of it。

Indeed; we may remark; in favor of the physiognomist; though the

law has made him a rogue and vagabond; that Nature is seldom

curious in her works within; without employing some little pains

on the outside; and this more particularly in mischievous

characters; in forming which; as Mr。 Derham observes; in venomous

insects; as the sting or saw of a wasp; she is sometimes

wonderfully industrious。  Now; when she hath thus completely

armed our hero to carry on a war with man; she never fails of

furnishing that innocent lambkin with some means of knowing his

enemy; and foreseeing his designs。  Thus she hath been observed

to act in the case of a rattlesnake; which never meditates a

human prey without giving warning of his approach。  This

observation will; I am convinced; hold most true; if applied to

the most venomous individuals of human insects。  A tyrant; a

trickster; and a bully; generally wear the marks of their several

dispositions in their countenances; so do the vixen; the shrew;

the scold; and all other females of the like kind。  But; perhaps;

nature hath never afforded a stronger example of all this than in

the case of Mrs。 Francis。  She was a short; squat woman; her head

was closely joined to her shoulders; where it was fixed somewhat

awry; every feature of her countenance was sharp and pointed; her

face was furrowed with the smallpox; and her complexion; which

seemed to be able to turn milk to curds; not a little resembled

in color such milk as had already undergone that operation。  She

appeared; indeed; to have many symptoms of a deep jaundice in her

look; but the strength and firmness of her voice overbalanced

them all; the tone of this was a sharp treble at a distance; for

I seldom heard it on the same floor; but was usually waked with

it in the morning; and entertained with it almost continually

through the whole day。



Though vocal be usually put in opposition to instrumental music;

I question whether this might not be thought to partake of the

nature of both; for she played on two instruments; which she

seemed to keep for no other use from morning till night; these

were two maids; or rather scolding…stocks; who; I suppose; by

some means or other; earned their board; and she gave them their

lodging gratis; or for no other service than to keep her lungs in

constant exercise。



She differed; as I have said; in every particular from her

husband; but very remarkably in this; that; as it was impossible

to displease him; so it was as impossible to please her; and as

no art could remove a smile from his countenance; so could no art

carry it into hers。  If her bills were remonstrated against she

was offended with the tacit censure of her fair…dealing; if they

were not; she seemed to regard it as a tacit sarcasm on her

folly; which might have set down larger prices with the same

success。  On this lather hint she did indeed improve; for she

daily raised some of her articles。  A pennyworth of fire was

to…day rated at a shilling; to…morrow at eighteen…pence; and if

she dressed us two dishes for two shillings on the Saturday; we

paid half…a…crown for the cookery of one on the Sunday; and;

whenever she was paid; she never left the room without lamenting

the small amount of her bill; saying; 〃she knew not how it was

that others got their money by gentle…folks; but for her part she

had not the art of it。〃  When she was asked why she complained;

when she was paid all she demanded; she answered; 〃she could not

deny that; nor did she know she had omitted anything; but that it

was but a poor bill for gentle…folks to pay。〃  I accounted for

all this by her having heard; that it is a maxim with the

principal  inn…holders on the continent; to levy considerable

sums on their guests; who travel with many horses and servants;

though such guests should eat little or nothing in their houses;

the method being; I believe; in such cases; to lay a capitation

on the horses; and not on their masters。  But she did not

consider that in most of these inns a very great degree of

hunger; without any degree of delicacy; may be satisfied; and

that in all such inns there is some appearance; at least; of

provision; as well as of a man…cook to dress it; one of the

hostlers being always furnished with a cook's cap; waistcoat; and

apron; ready to attend gentlemen and ladies on their summons;

that the case therefore of such inns differed from hers; where

there was nothing to eat or to drink; and in reality no house to

inhabit; no chair to sit upon; nor any bed to lie in; that one

third or fourth part therefore of the levy imposed at inns was;

in truth; a higher tax than the whole was when laid on in the

other; where; in order to raise a small sum; a man is obliged to

submit to pay as many various ways for the same thing as he doth

to the government for the light which enters through his own

window into his own house; from his own estate; such are the

articles of bread and beer; firing; eating and dressing dinner。



The foregoing is a very imperfect sketch of this extraordinary

couple; for everything is here lowered instead of being

heightened。  Those who would see them set forth in more lively

colors; and with the proper ornaments; may read the descriptions

of the Furies in some of the classical poets; or of the Stoic

philosophers in the works of Lucian。



Monday; July 20。This day nothing remarkable passed; Mrs。

Francis levied a tax of fourteen shillings for the Sunday。  We

regaled ourselves at dinner with venison and good claret of our

own; and in the afternoon; the women; attended by the captain;

walked to see a delightful scene two miles distant; with the

beauties of which they declared themselves most highly charmed at

their return; as well as with the goodness of the lady of the

mansion; who had slipped out of the way that my wife and their

company might refresh themselves with the flowers and fruits with

which her garden abounded。



Tuesday; July 21。This day; having paid our taxes of yesterday;

we were permitted to regale ourselves with more venison。  Some of

this we would willingly have exchanged for mutton; but no such

flesh was to be had nearer than Portsmouth; from whence it would

have cost more to convey a joint to us than the freight of a

Portugal ham from Lisbon to London amounts to; for though the

water…carriage be somewhat cheaper here than at Deal; yet can you

find no waterman who will go on board his boat; unless by two or

three hours' rowing he can get drunk for the residue of the week。



And here I have an opportunity; which possibly may not offer

again; of publishing some observations on that political economy

of this nation; which; as it concerns only the regulation of the

mob; is below the notice of our great men; though on the due

regulation of this order depend many emoluments; which the great

men themselves; or at least many who tread close on their heels;

may enjoy; as well as some dangers which may some time or other

arise from introducing a pure state of anarchy among them。  I

will represent the case; as it appears to me; very fairly and

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