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him that my private affairs at the beginning of the winter had
but a gloomy aspect； for I had not plundered the public or the
poor of those sums which men； who are always ready to plunder
both as much as they can； have been pleased to suspect me of
taking： on the contrary； by composing； instead of inflaming the
quarrels of porters and beggars （which I blush when I say hath
not been universally practiced）； and by refusing to take a
shilling from a man who most undoubtedly would not have had
another left； I had reduced an income of about five hundred
pounds＇13＇ a…year of the dirtiest money upon earth to little more
than three hundred pounds； a considerable proportion of which
remained with my clerk； and； indeed； if the whole had done so； as
it ought； he would be but ill paid for sitting almost sixteen
hours in the twenty…four in the most unwholesome； as well as
nauseous air in the universe； and which hath in his case
corrupted a good constitution without contaminating his morals。
＇13＇ A predecessor of mine used to boast that he made one
thousand pounds a…year in his office； but how he did this （if
indeed he did it） is to me a secret。 His clerk； now mine； told
me I had more business than he had ever known there； I am sure I
had as much as any man could do。 The truth is； the fees are so
very low； when any are due； and so much is done for nothing；
that； if a single justice of peace had business enough to employ
twenty clerks； neither he nor they would get much by their labor。
The public will not； therefore； I hope； think I betray a secret
when I inform them that I received from the Government a yearly
pension out of the public service money； which； I believe；
indeed； would have been larger had my great patron been
convinced of an error； which I have heard him utter more than
once； that he could not indeed say that the acting as a principal
justice of peace in Westminster was on all accounts very
desirable； but that all the world knew it was a very lucrative
office。 Now； to have shown him plainly that a man must be a
rogue to make a very little this way； and that he could not make
much by being as great a rogue as he could be； would have
required more confidence than； I believe； he had in me； and more
of his conversation than he chose to allow me； I therefore
resigned the office and the farther execution of my plan to my
brother； who had long been myassistant。 And now； lest the case
between me and the reader should be the same in both instances as
it was between me and the great man； I will not add another word
on the subject。
But； not to trouble the reader with anecdotes； contrary to my own
rule laid down in my preface； I assure him I thought my family
was very slenderly provided for； and that my health began to
decline so fast that I had very little more of life left to
accomplish what I had thought of too late。 I rejoiced therefore
greatly in seeing an opportunity； as I apprehended； of gaining
such merit in the eve of the public； that； if my life were the
sacrifice to it； my friends might think they did a popular act in
putting my family at least beyond the reach of necessity； which I
myself began to despair of doing。 And though I disclaim all
pretense to that Spartan or Roman patriotism which loved the
public so well that it was always ready to become a voluntary
sacrifice to the public good； I do solemnly declare I have that
love for my family。
After this confession therefore； that the public was not the
principal deity to which my life was offered a sacrifice； and
when it is farther considered what a poor sacrifice this was；
being indeed no other than the giving up what I saw little
likelihood of being able to hold much longer； and which； upon the
terms I held it； nothing but the weakness of human nature could
represent to me as worth holding at all； the world may； I
believe； without envy； allow me all the praise to which I have
any title。 My aim； in fact； was not praise； which is the last
gift they care to bestow； at least； this was not my aim as an
end； but rather as a means of purchasing some moderate provision
for my family； which； though it should exceed my merit； must fall
infinitely short of my service； if I succeeded in my attempt。 To
say the truth； the public never act more wisely than when they
act most liberally in the distribution of their rewards； and here
the good they receive is often more to be considered than the
motive from which they receive it。 Example alone is the end of
all public punishments and rewards。 Laws never inflict disgrace
in resentment； nor confer honor from gratitude。 〃For it is very
hard； my lord；〃 said a convicted felon at the bar to the late
excellent judge Burnet； 〃to hang a poor man for stealing a
horse。〃 〃You are not to be hanged sir；〃 answered my ever…honored
and beloved friend； 〃for stealing a horse； but you are to be
hanged that horses may not be stolen。〃 In like manner it might
have been said to the late duke of Marlborough； when the
parliament was so deservedly liberal to him； after the battle of
Blenheim； 〃You receive not these honors and bounties on account
of a victory past； but that other victories may be obtained。〃
I was now； in the opinion of all men； dying of a complication of
disorders； and； were I desirous of playing the advocate； I have
an occasion fair enough； but I disdain such an attempt。 I relate
facts plainly and simply as they are； and let the world draw from
them what conclusions they please； taking with them the following
facts for their instruction： the one is； that the proclamation
offering one hundred pounds for the apprehending felons for
certain felonies committed in certain places； which I prevented
from being revived； had formerly cost the government several
thousand pounds within a single year。 Secondly； that all such
proclamations； instead of curing the evil； had actually increased
it； had multiplied the number of robberies； had propagated the
worst and wickedest of perjuries； had laid snares for youth and
ignorance； which； by the temptation of these rewards； had been
sometimes drawn into guilt； and sometimes； which cannot be
thought on without the highest horror； had destroyed them without
it。 Thirdly； that my plan had not put the government to more
than three hundred pound expense； and had produced none of the
ill consequences above mentioned； but； lastly； had actually
suppressed the evil for a time； and had plainly pointed out the
means of suppressing it for ever。 This I would myself have
undertaken； had my health permitted； at the annual expense of the
above…mentioned sum。
After having stood the terrible six weeks which succeeded last
Christmas； and put a lucky end； if they had known their own
interests； to such numbers of aged and infirm valetudinarians；
who might have gasped through two or three mild winters more； I
returned to town in February； in a condition less despaired of by
myself than by any of my friends。 I now became the patient of
Dr。 Ward； who wished I had taken his advice earlier。 By his
advice I was tapped； and fourteen quarts of water drawn from my
belly。 The sudden relaxation which this caused； added to my
enervate； emaciated habit of body； so weakened me that within two
days I was thought to be falling into the agonies of death。 I
was at the worst on that memorable day when the public lost Mr。
Pelham。 From that day I began slowly； as it were； to draw my
feet out of the grave； till in two months' time I had again
acquired some little degree of strength； but was again full of
water。 During this whole time I took Mr。 Ward's medicines； which
had seldom any perceptible operation。 Those in particular of the
diaphoretic kind； the working of which is thought to require a
great strength of constitution to support； had so little effect
on me； that Mr。 Ward declared it was as vain to attempt sweating
me as a deal board。 In this situation I was tapped a second
time。 I had one quart of water less taken from me now than
before； but I bore all the consequences of the operation much
better。 This I attributed greatly to a dose of laudanum
prescribed by my surgeon。 It first gave me the most delicious
flow of spirits； and afterwards as comfortable a nap。
The month of May； which was now begun； it seemed reasonable to
expect would introduce the spring； and drive of that winter which
yet maintained its footing on the stage。 I resolved therefore to
visit a little house of mine in the country； which stands at
Ealing； in the county of Middlesex； in the best air； I believe；
in the whole kingdom； and far superior to that of Kensington
Gravel…pits； for the gravel is here much wider and deeper； the
place higher and more open towards the south； whilst it is
guarded from the north wind by a ridge of hills； and from the
smells and smoke of London by its distance； which last is not the
fate