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THE MUDFOG AND OTHER SKETCHES
PUBLIC LIFE OF MR。 TULRUMBLE … ONCE MAYOR OF MUDFOG
Mudfog is a pleasant town … a remarkably pleasant town … situated
in a charming hollow by the side of a river； from which river；
Mudfog derives an agreeable scent of pitch； tar； coals； and rope…
yarn； a roving population in oilskin hats； a pretty steady influx
of drunken bargemen； and a great many other maritime advantages。
There is a good deal of water about Mudfog； and yet it is not
exactly the sort of town for a watering…place； either。 Water is a
perverse sort of element at the best of times； and in Mudfog it is
particularly so。 In winter； it comes oozing down the streets and
tumbling over the fields； … nay； rushes into the very cellars and
kitchens of the houses； with a lavish prodigality that might well
be dispensed with； but in the hot summer weather it WILL dry up；
and turn green： and； although green is a very good colour in its
way； especially in grass； still it certainly is not becoming to
water； and it cannot be denied that the beauty of Mudfog is rather
impaired； even by this trifling circumstance。 Mudfog is a healthy
place … very healthy； … damp； perhaps； but none the worse for that。
It's quite a mistake to suppose that damp is unwholesome： plants
thrive best in damp situations； and why shouldn't men？ The
inhabitants of Mudfog are unanimous in asserting that there exists
not a finer race of people on the face of the earth； here we have
an indisputable and veracious contradiction of the vulgar error at
once。 So； admitting Mudfog to be damp； we distinctly state that it
is salubrious。
The town of Mudfog is extremely picturesque。 Limehouse and
Ratcliff Highway are both something like it； but they give you a
very faint idea of Mudfog。 There are a great many more public…
houses in Mudfog … more than in Ratcliff Highway and Limehouse put
together。 The public buildings； too； are very imposing。 We
consider the town…hall one of the finest specimens of shed
architecture； extant： it is a combination of the pig…sty and tea…
garden…box orders； and the simplicity of its design is of
surpassing beauty。 The idea of placing a large window on one side
of the door； and a small one on the other； is particularly happy。
There is a fine old Doric beauty； too； about the padlock and
scraper； which is strictly in keeping with the general effect。
In this room do the mayor and corporation of Mudfog assemble
together in solemn council for the public weal。 Seated on the
massive wooden benches； which； with the table in the centre； form
the only furniture of the whitewashed apartment； the sage men of
Mudfog spend hour after hour in grave deliberation。 Here they
settle at what hour of the night the public…houses shall be closed；
at what hour of the morning they shall be permitted to open； how
soon it shall be lawful for people to eat their dinner on church…
days； and other great political questions； and sometimes； long
after silence has fallen on the town； and the distant lights from
the shops and houses have ceased to twinkle； like far…off stars； to
the sight of the boatmen on the river； the illumination in the two
unequal…sized windows of the town…hall； warns the inhabitants of
Mudfog that its little body of legislators； like a larger and
better…known body of the same genus； a great deal more noisy； and
not a whit more profound； are patriotically dozing away in company；
far into the night； for their country's good。
Among this knot of sage and learned men； no one was so eminently
distinguished； during many years； for the quiet modesty of his
appearance and demeanour； as Nicholas Tulrumble； the well…known
coal…dealer。 However exciting the subject of discussion； however
animated the tone of the debate； or however warm the personalities
exchanged； （and even in Mudfog we get personal sometimes；） Nicholas
Tulrumble was always the same。 To say truth； Nicholas； being an
industrious man； and always up betimes； was apt to fall asleep when
a debate began； and to remain asleep till it was over； when he
would wake up very much refreshed； and give his vote with the
greatest complacency。 The fact was； that Nicholas Tulrumble；
knowing that everybody there had made up his mind beforehand；
considered the talking as just a long botheration about nothing at
all； and to the present hour it remains a question； whether； on
this point at all events； Nicholas Tulrumble was not pretty near
right。
Time； which strews a man's head with silver； sometimes fills his
pockets with gold。 As he gradually performed one good office for
Nicholas Tulrumble； he was obliging enough； not to omit the other。
Nicholas began life in a wooden tenement of four feet square； with
a capital of two and ninepence； and a stock in trade of three
bushels and a…half of coals； exclusive of the large lump which
hung； by way of sign…board； outside。 Then he enlarged the shed；
and kept a truck； then he left the shed； and the truck too； and
started a donkey and a Mrs。 Tulrumble； then he moved again and set
up a cart； the cart was soon afterwards exchanged for a waggon； and
so he went on like his great predecessor Whittington … only without
a cat for a partner … increasing in wealth and fame； until at last
he gave up business altogether； and retired with Mrs。 Tulrumble and
family to Mudfog Hall； which he had himself erected； on something
which he attempted to delude himself into the belief was a hill；
about a quarter of a mile distant from the town of Mudfog。
About this time； it began to be murmured in Mudfog that Nicholas
Tulrumble was growing vain and haughty； that prosperity and success
had corrupted the simplicity of his manners； and tainted the
natural goodness of his heart； in short； that he was setting up for
a public character； and a great gentleman； and affected to look
down upon his old companions with compassion and contempt。 Whether
these reports were at the time well…founded； or not； certain it is
that Mrs。 Tulrumble very shortly afterwards started a four…wheel
chaise； driven by a tall postilion in a yellow cap； … that Mr。
Tulrumble junior took to smoking cigars； and calling the footman a
'feller；' … and that Mr。 Tulrumble from that time forth； was no
more seen in his old seat in the chimney…corner of the Lighterman's
Arms at night。 This looked bad； but； more than this； it began to
be observed that Mr。 Nicholas Tulrumble attended the corporation
meetings more frequently than heretofore； and he no longer went to
sleep as he had done for so many years； but propped his eyelids
open with his two forefingers； that he read the newspapers by
himself at home； and that he was in the habit of indulging abroad
in distant and mysterious allusions to 'masses of people；' and 'the
property of the country；' and 'productive power；' and 'the monied
interest：' all of which denoted and proved that Nicholas Tulrumble
was either mad； or worse； and it puzzled the good people of Mudfog
amazingly。
At length； about the middle of the month of October； Mr。 Tulrumble
and family went up to London； the middle of October being； as Mrs。
Tulrumble informed her acquaintance in Mudfog； the very height of
the fashionable season。
Somehow or other； just about this time； despite the health…
preserving air of Mudfog； the Mayor died。 It was a most
extraordinary circumstance； he had lived in Mudfog for eighty…five
years。 The corporation didn't understand it at all； indeed it was
with great difficulty that one old gentleman； who was a great
stickler for forms； was dissuaded from proposing a vote of censure
on such unaccountable conduct。 Strange as it was； however； die he
did； without taking the slightest notice of the corporation； and
the corporation were imperatively called upon to elect his
successor。 So； they met for the purpose； and being very full of
Nicholas Tulrumble just then； and Nicholas Tulrumble being a very
important man； they elected him； and wrote off to London by the
very next post to acquaint Nicholas Tulrumble with his new
elevation。
Now； it being November time； and Mr。 Nicholas Tulrumble being in
the capital； it fell out that he was present at the Lord Mayor's
show and dinner； at sight of the glory and splendour whereof； he；
Mr。 Tulrumble； was greatly mortified； inasmuch as the reflection
would force itself on his mind； that； had he been born in London
instead of in Mudfog； he might have been a Lord Mayor too； and have
patronized the judges； and been affable to the Lord Chancellor； and
friendly with the Premier； and coldly condescending to the
Secretary to the Treasury； and have dined with a flag behind his
back； and done a great many other acts and deeds which unto Lord
Mayors of London peculiarly appertain。 The more he thought of the
Lord Mayor； the more enviable a personage he seemed。 To be a King
was all very well； but what was the Kin