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distinction he had drawn。 Several other Members； too； dwelt upon
the immense and urgent necessity of storing the minds of children
with nothing but facts and figures； which process the President
very forcibly remarked； had made them （the section） the men they
were。
'MR。 SLUG then stated some curious calculations respecting the
dogs'…meat barrows of London。 He found that the total number of
small carts and barrows engaged in dispensing provision to the cats
and dogs of the metropolis was； one thousand seven hundred and
forty…three。 The average number of skewers delivered daily with
the provender； by each dogs'…meat cart or barrow； was thirty…six。
Now； multiplying the number of skewers so delivered by the number
of barrows； a total of sixty…two thousand seven hundred and forty…
eight skewers daily would be obtained。 Allowing that； of these
sixty…two thousand seven hundred and forty…eight skewers； the odd
two thousand seven hundred and forty…eight were accidentally
devoured with the meat； by the most voracious of the animals
supplied； it followed that sixty thousand skewers per day； or the
enormous number of twenty…one millions nine hundred thousand
skewers annually； were wasted in the kennels and dustholes of
London； which； if collected and warehoused； would in ten years'
time afford a mass of timber more than sufficient for the
construction of a first…rate vessel of war for the use of her
Majesty's navy； to be called 〃The Royal Skewer；〃 and to become
under that name the terror of all the enemies of this island。
'MR。 X。 LEDBRAIN read a very ingenious communication； from which it
appeared that the total number of legs belonging to the
manufacturing population of one great town in Yorkshire was； in
round numbers； forty thousand； while the total number of chair and
stool legs in their houses was only thirty thousand； which； upon
the very favourable average of three legs to a seat； yielded only
ten thousand seats in all。 From this calculation it would appear；
… not taking wooden or cork legs into the account； but allowing two
legs to every person； … that ten thousand individuals （one…half of
the whole population） were either destitute of any rest for their
legs at all； or passed the whole of their leisure time in sitting
upon boxes。
'SECTION D。 … MECHANICAL SCIENCE。
COACH…HOUSE； ORIGINAL PIG。
PRESIDENT … Mr。 Carter。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。 Truck and Mr。
Waghorn。
'PROFESSOR QUEERSPECK exhibited an elegant model of a portable
railway； neatly mounted in a green case； for the waistcoat pocket。
By attaching this beautiful instrument to his boots； any Bank or
public…office clerk could transport himself from his place of
residence to his place of business； at the easy rate of sixty…five
miles an hour； which； to gentlemen of sedentary pursuits； would be
an incalculable advantage。
'THE PRESIDENT was desirous of knowing whether it was necessary to
have a level surface on which the gentleman was to run。
'PROFESSOR QUEERSPECK explained that City gentlemen would run in
trains； being handcuffed together to prevent confusion or
unpleasantness。 For instance； trains would start every morning at
eight； nine； and ten o'clock； from Camden Town； Islington；
Camberwell； Hackney； and various other places in which City
gentlemen are accustomed to reside。 It would be necessary to have
a level； but he had provided for this difficulty by proposing that
the best line that the circumstances would admit of； should be
taken through the sewers which undermine the streets of the
metropolis； and which； well lighted by jets from the gas pipes
which run immediately above them； would form a pleasant and
commodious arcade； especially in winter…time； when the inconvenient
custom of carrying umbrellas； now so general； could be wholly
dispensed with。 In reply to another question； Professor Queerspeck
stated that no substitute for the purposes to which these arcades
were at present devoted had yet occurred to him； but that he hoped
no fanciful objection on this head would be allowed to interfere
with so great an undertaking。
'MR。 JOBBA produced a forcing…machine on a novel plan； for bringing
joint…stock railway shares prematurely to a premium。 The
instrument was in the form of an elegant gilt weather…glass； of
most dazzling appearance； and was worked behind； by strings； after
the manner of a pantomime trick； the strings being always pulled by
the directors of the company to which the machine belonged。 The
quicksilver was so ingeniously placed； that when the acting
directors held shares in their pockets； figures denoting very small
expenses and very large returns appeared upon the glass； but the
moment the directors parted with these pieces of paper； the
estimate of needful expenditure suddenly increased itself to an
immense extent； while the statements of certain profits became
reduced in the same proportion。 Mr。 Jobba stated that the machine
had been in constant requisition for some months past； and he had
never once known it to fail。
'A Member expressed his opinion that it was extremely neat and
pretty。 He wished to know whether it was not liable to accidental
derangement？ Mr。 Jobba said that the whole machine was undoubtedly
liable to be blown up； but that was the only objection to it。
'PROFESSOR NOGO arrived from the anatomical section to exhibit a
model of a safety fire…escape； which could be fixed at any time； in
less than half an hour； and by means of which； the youngest or most
infirm persons （successfully resisting the progress of the flames
until it was quite ready） could be preserved if they merely
balanced themselves for a few minutes on the sill of their bedroom
window； and got into the escape without falling into the street。
The Professor stated that the number of boys who had been rescued
in the daytime by this machine from houses which were not on fire；
was almost incredible。 Not a conflagration had occurred in the
whole of London for many months past to which the escape had not
been carried on the very next day； and put in action before a
concourse of persons。
'THE PRESIDENT inquired whether there was not some difficulty in
ascertaining which was the top of the machine； and which the
bottom； in cases of pressing emergency。
'PROFESSOR NOGO explained that of course it could not be expected
to act quite as well when there was a fire； as when there was not a
fire； but in the former case he thought it would be of equal
service whether the top were up or down。'
With the last section our correspondent concludes his most able and
faithful Report； which will never cease to reflect credit upon him
for his scientific attainments； and upon us for our enterprising
spirit。 It is needless to take a review of the subjects which have
been discussed； of the mode in which they have been examined； of
the great truths which they have elicited。 They are now before the
world； and we leave them to read； to consider； and to profit。
The place of meeting for next year has undergone discussion； and
has at length been decided； regard being had to； and evidence being
taken upon； the goodness of its wines； the supply of its markets；
the hospitality of its inhabitants； and the quality of its hotels。
We hope at this next meeting our correspondent may again be
present； and that we may be once more the means of placing his
communications before the world。 Until that period we have been
prevailed upon to allow this number of our Miscellany to be
retailed to the public； or wholesaled to the trade； without any
advance upon our usual price。
We have only to add； that the committees are now broken up； and
that Mudfog is once again restored to its accustomed tranquillity；
… that Professors and Members have had balls； and SOIREES； and
suppers； and great mutual complimentations； and have at length
dispersed to their several homes； … whither all good wishes and
joys attend them； until next year！
Signed BOZ。
FULL REPORT OF THE SECOND MEETING OF THE MUDFOG ASSOCIATION FOR THE
ADVANCEMENT OF EVERYTHING
In October last； we did ourselves the immortal credit of recording；
at an enormous expense； and by dint of exertions unnpralleled in
the history of periodical publication； the proceedings of the
Mudfog Association for the Advancement of Everything； which in that
month held its first great half…yearly meeting； to the wonder and
delight of the whole empire。 We announced at the conclusion of
that extraordinary and most remarkable Report； that when the Second
Meeting of the Society should take place； we should be found again
at our post； renewing our gigantic and spirited endeavours； and
once more making the world ring with the accuracy； authenticity；
immeasurable superiority； and intense remarkability of our account
of its proceedings。 In redemption of this pledge； we caused to be