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gruff voices on the river； the dogs on the shore； the snoring of
the passengers； and a constant creaking of every plank in the
vessel； are the only sounds that meet the ear。 With these
exceptions； all is profound silence。
'My curiosity has been within the last moment very much excited。
Mr。 Slug； who lies above Professor Grime； has cautiously withdrawn
the curtains of his berth； and； after looking anxiously out； as if
to satisfy himself that his companions are asleep； has taken up the
tin tube of which I have before spoken； and is regarding it with
great interest。 What rare mechanical combination can be contained
in that mysterious case？ It is evidently a profound secret to
all。'
'A QUARTER PAST ONE。
'The behaviour of Mr。 Slug grows more and more mysterious。 He has
unscrewed the top of the tube； and now renews his observations upon
his companions； evidently to make sure that he is wholly
unobserved。 He is clearly on the eve of some great experiment。
Pray heaven that it be not a dangerous one； but the interests of
science must be promoted； and I am prepared for the worst。'
'FIVE MINUTES LATER。
'He has produced a large pair of scissors； and drawn a roll of some
substance； not unlike parchment in appearance； from the tin case。
The experiment is about to begin。 I must strain my eyes to the
utmost； in the attempt to follow its minutest operation。'
'TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE TWO。
'I have at length been enabled to ascertain that the tin tube
contains a few yards of some celebrated plaster； recommended … as I
discover on regarding the label attentively through my eye…glass …
as a preservative against sea…sickness。 Mr。 Slug has cut it up
into small portions； and is now sticking it over himself in every
direction。'
'THREE O'CLOCK。
'Precisely a quarter of an hour ago we weighed anchor； and the
machinery was suddenly put in motion with a noise so appalling；
that Professor Woodensconce （who had ascended to his berth by means
of a platform of carpet…bags arranged by himself on geometrical
principals） darted from his shelf head foremost； and； gaining his
feet with all the rapidity of extreme terror； ran wildly into the
ladies' cabin； under the impression that we were sinking； and
uttering loud cries for aid。 I am assured that the scene which
ensued baffles all description。 There were one hundred and forty…
seven ladies in their respective berths at the time。
'Mr。 Slug has remarked； as an additional instance of the extreme
ingenuity of the steam…engine as applied to purposes of navigation；
that in whatever part of the vessel a passenger's berth may be
situated； the machinery always appears to be exactly under his
pillow。 He intends stating this very beautiful； though simple
discovery； to the association。'
'HALF…PAST TEN。
'We are still in smooth water； that is to say； in as smooth water
as a steam…vessel ever can be； for； as Professor Woodensconce （who
has just woke up） learnedly remarks； another great point of
ingenuity about a steamer is； that it always carries a little storm
with it。 You can scarcely conceive how exciting the jerking
pulsation of the ship becomes。 It is a matter of positive
difficulty to get to sleep。'
'FRIDAY AFTERNOON； SIX O'CLOCK。
'I regret to inform you that Mr。 Slug's plaster has proved of no
avail。 He is in great agony； but has applied several large；
additional pieces notwithstanding。 How affecting is this extreme
devotion to science and pursuit of knowledge under the most trying
circumstances！
'We were extremely happy this morning； and the breakfast was one of
the most animated description。 Nothing unpleasant occurred until
noon； with the exception of Doctor Foxey's brown silk umbrella and
white hat becoming entangled in the machinery while he was
explaining to a knot of ladies the construction of the steam…
engine。 I fear the gravy soup for lunch was injudicious。 We lost
a great many passengers almost immediately afterwards。'
'HALF…PAST SIX。
'I am again in bed。 Anything so heart…rending as Mr。 Slug's
sufferings it has never yet been my lot to witness。'
'SEVEN O'CLOCK。
'A messenger has just come down for a clean pocket…handkerchief
from Professor Woodensconce's bag； that unfortunate gentleman being
quite unable to leave the deck； and imploring constantly to be
thrown overboard。 From this man I understand that Professor Nogo；
though in a state of utter exhaustion； clings feebly to the hard
biscuit and cold brandy and water； under the impression that they
will yet restore him。 Such is the triumph of mind over matter。
'Professor Grime is in bed； to all appearance quite well； but he
WILL eat； and it is disagreeable to see him。 Has this gentleman no
sympathy with the sufferings of his fellow…creatures？ If he has；
on what principle can he call for mutton…chops … and smile？'
'BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE； OLDCASTLE； SATURDAY NOON。
'You will be happy to learn that I have at length arrived here in
safety。 The town is excessively crowded； and all the private
lodgings and hotels are filled with SAVANS of both sexes。 The
tremendous assemblage of intellect that one encounters in every
street is in the last degree overwhelming。
'Notwithstanding the throng of people here； I have been fortunate
enough to meet with very comfortable accommodation on very
reasonable terms； having secured a sofa in the first…floor passage
at one guinea per night； which includes permission to take my meals
in the bar； on condition that I walk about the streets at all other
times； to make room for other gentlemen similarly situated。 I have
been over the outhouses intended to be devoted to the reception of
the various sections； both here and at the Boot…jack and
Countenance； and am much delighted with the arrangements。 Nothing
can exceed the fresh appearance of the saw…dust with which the
floors are sprinkled。 The forms are of unplaned deal； and the
general effect； as you can well imagine； is extremely beautiful。'
'HALF…PAST NINE。
'The number and rapidity of the arrivals are quite bewildering。
Within the last ten minutes a stage…coach has driven up to the
door； filled inside and out with distinguished characters；
comprising Mr。 Muddlebranes； Mr。 Drawley； Professor Muff； Mr。 X。
Misty； Mr。 X。 X。 Misty； Mr。 Purblind； Professor Rummun； The
Honourable and Reverend Mr。 Long Eers； Professor John Ketch； Sir
William Joltered； Doctor Buffer； Mr。 Smith （of London）； Mr。 Brown
（of Edinburgh）； Sir Hookham Snivey； and Professor Pumpkinskull。
The ten last…named gentlemen were wet through； and looked extremely
intelligent。'
'SUNDAY； TWO O'CLOCK； P。M。
'The Honourable and Reverend Mr。 Long Eers； accompanied by Sir
William Joltered； walked and drove this morning。 They accomplished
the former feat in boots； and the latter in a hired fly。 This has
naturally given rise to much discussion。
'I have just learnt that an interview has taken place at the Boot…
jack and Countenance between Sowster； the active and intelligent
beadle of this place； and Professor Pumpkinskull； who； as your
readers are doubtless aware； is an influential member of the
council。 I forbear to communicate any of the rumours to which this
very extraordinary proceeding has given rise until I have seen
Sowster； and endeavoured to ascertain the truth from him。'
'HALF…PAST SIX。
'I engaged a donkey…chaise shortly after writing the above； and
proceeded at a brisk trot in the direction of Sowster's residence；
passing through a beautiful expanse of country； with red brick
buildings on either side； and stopping in the marketplace to
observe the spot where Mr。 Kwakley's hat was blown off yesterday。
It is an uneven piece of paving； but has certainly no appearance
which would lead one to suppose that any such event had recently
occurred there。 From this point I proceeded … passing the gas…
works and tallow…melter's … to a lane which had been pointed out to
me as the beadle's place of residence； and before I had driven a
dozen yards further； I had the good fortune to meet Sowster himself
advancing towards me。
'Sowster is a fat man； with a more enlarged development of that
peculiar conformation of countenance which is vulgarly termed a
double chin than I remember to have ever seen before。 He has also
a very red nose； which he attributes to a habit of early rising …
so red； indeed； that but for this explanation I should have
supposed it to proceed from occasional inebriety。 He informed me
that he did not feel himself at liberty to relate what had passed
between himself and Professor Pumpkinskull； but had no objection to
state that it was connected with a matter of police regulation； and
added with peculiar significance 〃Never wos sitch times！〃
'You will easily believe that this intelligence gave me
considerable surprise； not wholly unmixed with an