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'You will easily believe that this intelligence gave me
considerable surprise； not wholly unmixed with anxiety； and that I
lost no time in waiting on Professor Pumpkinskull； and stating the
object of my visit。 After a few moments' reflection； the
Professor； who； I am bound to say； behaved with the utmost
politeness； openly avowed （I mark the passage in italics） THAT HE
HAD REQUESTED SOWSTER TO ATTEND ON THE MONDAY MORNING AT THE BOOT…
JACK AND COUNTENANCE； TO KEEP OFF THE BOYS； AND THAT HE HAD FURTHER
DESIRED THAT THE UNDER…BEADLE MIGHT BE STATIONED； WITH THE SAME
OBJECT； AT THE BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE！
'Now I leave this unconstitutional proceeding to your comments and
the consideration of your readers。 I have yet to learn that a
beadle； without the precincts of a church； churchyard； or work…
house； and acting otherwise than under the express orders of
churchwardens and overseers in council assembled； to enforce the
law against people who come upon the parish； and other offenders；
has any lawful authority whatever over the rising youth of this
country。 I have yet to learn that a beadle can be called out by
any civilian to exercise a domination and despotism over the boys
of Britain。 I have yet to learn that a beadle will be permitted by
the commissioners of poor law regulation to wear out the soles and
heels of his boots in illegal interference with the liberties of
people not proved poor or otherwise criminal。 I have yet to learn
that a beadle has power to stop up the Queen's highway at his will
and pleasure； or that the whole width of the street is not free and
open to any man； boy； or woman in existence； up to the very walls
of the houses … ay； be they Black Boys and Stomach…aches； or Boot…
jacks and Countenances； I care not。'
'NINE O'CLOCK。
'I have procured a local artist to make a faithful sketch of the
tyrant Sowster； which； as he has acquired this infamous celebrity；
you will no doubt wish to have engraved for the purpose of
presenting a copy with every copy of your next number。 I enclose
it。
＇Picture which cannot be reproduced＇
The under…beadle has consented to write his life； but it is to be
strictly anonymous。
'The accompanying likeness is of course from the life； and complete
in every respect。 Even if I had been totally ignorant of the man's
real character； and it had been placed before me without remark； I
should have shuddered involuntarily。 There is an intense malignity
of expression in the features； and a baleful ferocity of purpose in
the ruffian's eye； which appals and sickens。 His whole air is
rampant with cruelty； nor is the stomach less characteristic of his
demoniac propensities。'
'MONDAY。
'The great day has at length arrived。 I have neither eyes； nor
ears； nor pens； nor ink； nor paper； for anything but the wonderful
proceedings that have astounded my senses。 Let me collect my
energies and proceed to the account。
'SECTION A。 … ZOOLOGY AND BOTANY。
FRONT PARLOUR； BLACK BOY AND STOMACH…ACHE。
PRESIDENT … Sir William Joltered。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。
Muddlebranes and Mr。 Drawley。
'MR。 X。 X。 MISTY communicated some remarks on the disappearance of
dancing…bears from the streets of London； with observations on the
exhibition of monkeys as connected with barrel…organs。 The writer
had observed； with feelings of the utmost pain and regret； that
some years ago a sudden and unaccountable change in the public
taste took place with reference to itinerant bears； who； being
discountenanced by the populace； gradually fell off one by one from
the streets of the metropolis； until not one remained to create a
taste for natural history in the breasts of the poor and
uninstructed。 One bear； indeed； … a brown and ragged animal； … had
lingered about the haunts of his former triumphs； with a worn and
dejected visage and feeble limbs； and had essayed to wield his
quarter…staff for the amusement of the multitude； but hunger； and
an utter want of any due recompense for his abilities； had at
length driven him from the field； and it was only too probable that
he had fallen a sacrifice to the rising taste for grease。 He
regretted to add that a similar； and no less lamentable； change had
taken place with reference to monkeys。 These delightful animals
had formerly been almost as plentiful as the organs on the tops of
which they were accustomed to sit； the proportion in the year 1829
（it appeared by the parliamentary return） being as one monkey to
three organs。 Owing； however； to an altered taste in musical
instruments； and the substitution； in a great measure； of narrow
boxes of music for organs； which left the monkeys nothing to sit
upon； this source of public amusement was wholly dried up。
Considering it a matter of the deepest importance； in connection
with national education； that the people should not lose such
opportunities of making themselves acquainted with the manners and
customs of two most interesting species of animals； the author
submitted that some measures should be immediately taken for the
restoration of these pleasing and truly intellectual amusements。
'THE PRESIDENT inquired by what means the honourable member
proposed to attain this most desirable end？
'THE AUTHOR submitted that it could be most fully and
satisfactorily accomplished； if Her Majesty's Government would
cause to be brought over to England； and maintained at the public
expense； and for the public amusement； such a number of bears as
would enable every quarter of the town to be visited … say at least
by three bears a week。 No difficulty whatever need be experienced
in providing a fitting place for the reception of these animals； as
a commodious bear…garden could be erected in the immediate
neighbourhood of both Houses of Parliament； obviously the most
proper and eligible spot for such an establishment。
'PROFESSOR MULL doubted very much whether any correct ideas of
natural history were propagated by the means to which the
honourable member had so ably adverted。 On the contrary； he
believed that they had been the means of diffusing very incorrect
and imperfect notions on the subject。 He spoke from personal
observation and personal experience； when he said that many
children of great abilities had been induced to believe； from what
they had observed in the streets； at and before the period to which
the honourable gentleman had referred； that all monkeys were born
in red coats and spangles； and that their hats and feathers also
came by nature。 He wished to know distinctly whether the
honourable gentleman attributed the want of encouragement the bears
had met with to the decline of public taste in that respect； or to
a want of ability on the part of the bears themselves？
'MR。 X。 X。 MISTY replied； that he could not bring himself to
believe but that there must be a great deal of floating talent
among the bears and monkeys generally； which； in the absence of any
proper encouragement； was dispersed in other directions。
'PROFESSOR PUMPKINSKULL wished to take that opportunity of calling
the attention of the section to a most important and serious point。
The author of the treatise just read had alluded to the prevalent
taste for bears'…grease as a means of promoting the growth of hair；
which undoubtedly was diffused to a very great and （as it appeared
to him） very alarming extent。 No gentleman attending that section
could fail to be aware of the fact that the youth of the present
age evinced； by their behaviour in the streets； and at all places
of public resort； a considerable lack of that gallantry and
gentlemanly feeling which； in more ignorant times； had been thought
becoming。 He wished to know whether it were possible that a
constant outward application of bears'…grease by the young
gentlemen about town had imperceptibly infused into those unhappy
persons something of the nature and quality of the bear。 He
shuddered as he threw out the remark； but if this theory； on
inquiry； should prove to be well founded； it would at once explain
a great deal of unpleasant eccentricity of behaviour； which；
without some such discovery； was wholly unaccountable。
'THE PRESIDENT highly complimented the learned gentleman on his
most valuable suggestion； which produced the greatest effect upon
the assembly； and remarked that only a week previous he had seen
some young gentlemen at a theatre eyeing a box of ladies with a
fierce intensity； which nothing but the influence of some brutish
appetite could possibly explain。 It was dreadful to reflect that
our youth were so rapidly verging into a generation of bears。
'After a scene of scientific enthusiasm it was resolved that this
important question should be immediately submitted to the
consideration of the council。
'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether any gentleman could inform
the section what had become of the d