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described。 The pony had one distinct eye； and it had been pointed
out to him by his friend Captain Blunderbore； of the Horse Marines；
who assisted the author in his search； that whenever he winked this
eye he whisked his tail （possibly to drive the flies off）； but that
he always winked and whisked at the same time。 The animal was
lean； spavined； and tottering； and the author proposed to
constitute it of the family of FITFORDOGSMEATAURIOUS。 It certainly
did occur to him that there was no case on record of a pony with
one clearly…defined and distinct organ of vision； winking and
whisking at the same moment。
'MR。 Q。 J。 SNUFFLETOFFLE had heard of a pony winking his eye； and
likewise of a pony whisking his tail； but whether they were two
ponies or the same pony he could not undertake positively to say。
At all events； he was acquainted with no authenticated instance of
a simultaneous winking and whisking； and he really could not but
doubt the existence of such a marvellous pony in opposition to all
those natural laws by which ponies were governed。 Referring；
however； to the mere question of his one organ of vision； might he
suggest the possibility of this pony having been literally half
asleep at the time he was seen； and having closed only one eye。
'THE PRESIDENT observed that； whether the pony was half asleep or
fast asleep； there could be no doubt that the association was wide
awake； and therefore that they had better get the business over；
and go to dinner。 He had certainly never seen anything analogous
to this pony； but he was not prepared to doubt its existence； for
he had seen many queerer ponies in his time； though he did not
pretend to have seen any more remarkable donkeys than the other
gentlemen around him。
'PROFESSOR JOHN KETCH was then called upon to exhibit the skull of
the late Mr。 Greenacre； which he produced from a blue bag；
remarking； on being invited to make any observations that occurred
to him； 〃that he'd pound it as that 'ere 'spectable section had
never seed a more gamerer cove nor he vos。〃
'A most animated discussion upon this interesting relic ensued；
and； some difference of opinion arising respecting the real
character of the deceased gentleman； Mr。 Blubb delivered a lecture
upon the cranium before him； clearly showing that Mr。 Greenacre
possessed the organ of destructiveness to a most unusual extent；
with a most remarkable development of the organ of carveativeness。
Sir Hookham Snivey was proceeding to combat this opinion； when
Professor Ketch suddenly interrupted the proceedings by exclaiming；
with great excitement of manner； 〃Walker！〃
'THE PRESIDENT begged to call the learned gentleman to order。
'PROFESSOR KETCH。 … 〃Order be blowed！ you've got the wrong un； I
tell you。 It ain't no 'ed at all； it's a coker…nut as my brother…
in…law has been a…carvin'； to hornament his new baked tatur…stall
wots a…comin' down 'ere vile the 'sociation's in the town。 Hand
over； vill you？〃
'With these words； Professor Ketch hastily repossessed himself of
the cocoa…nut； and drew forth the skull； in mistake for which he
had exhibited it。 A most interesting conversation ensued； but as
there appeared some doubt ultimately whether the skull was Mr。
Greenacre's； or a hospital patient's； or a pauper's； or a man's； or
a woman's； or a monkey's； no particular result was obtained。'
'I cannot；' says our talented correspondent in conclusion； 'I
cannot close my account of these gigantic researches and sublime
and noble triumphs without repeating a BON MOT of Professor
Woodensconce's； which shows how the greatest minds may occasionally
unbend when truth can be presented to listening ears； clothed in an
attractive and playful form。 I was standing by； when； after a week
of feasting and feeding； that learned gentleman； accompanied by the
whole body of wonderful men； entered the hall yesterday； where a
sumptuous dinner was prepared； where the richest wines sparkled on
the board； and fat bucks … propitiatory sacrifices to learning …
sent forth their savoury odours。 〃Ah！〃 said Professor
Woodensconce； rubbing his hands； 〃this is what we meet for； this is
what inspires us； this is what keeps us together； and beckons us
onward； this is the SPREAD of science； and a glorious spread it
is。〃'
THE PANTOMIME OF LIFE
Before we plunge headlong into this paper； let us at once confess
to a fondness for pantomimes … to a gentle sympathy with clowns and
pantaloons … to an unqualified admiration of harlequins and
columbines … to a chaste delight in every action of their brief
existence； varied and many…coloured as those actions are； and
inconsistent though they occasionally be with those rigid and
formal rules of propriety which regulate the proceedings of meaner
and less comprehensive minds。 We revel in pantomimes … not because
they dazzle one's eyes with tinsel and gold leaf； not because they
present to us； once again； the well…beloved chalked faces； and
goggle eyes of our childhood； not even because； like Christmas…day；
and Twelfth…night； and Shrove…Tuesday； and one's own birthday； they
come to us but once a year； … our attachment is founded on a graver
and a very different reason。 A pantomime is to us； a mirror of
life； nay； more； we maintain that it is so to audiences generally；
although they are not aware of it； and that this very circumstance
is the secret cause of their amusement and delight。
Let us take a slight example。 The scene is a street： an elderly
gentleman； with a large face and strongly marked features； appears。
His countenance beams with a sunny smile； and a perpetual dimple is
on his broad； red cheek。 He is evidently an opulent elderly
gentleman； comfortable in circumstances； and well…to…do in the
world。 He is not unmindful of the adornment of his person； for he
is richly； not to say gaudily； dressed； and that he indulges to a
reasonable extent in the pleasures of the table may be inferred
from the joyous and oily manner in which he rubs his stomach； by
way of informing the audience that he is going home to dinner。 In
the fulness of his heart； in the fancied security of wealth； in the
possession and enjoyment of all the good things of life； the
elderly gentleman suddenly loses his footing； and stumbles。 How
the audience roar！ He is set upon by a noisy and officious crowd；
who buffet and cuff him unmercifully。 They scream with delight！
Every time the elderly gentleman struggles to get up； his
relentless persecutors knock him down again。 The spectators are
convulsed with merriment！ And when at last the elderly gentleman
does get up； and staggers away； despoiled of hat； wig； and
clothing； himself battered to pieces； and his watch and money gone；
they are exhausted with laughter； and express their merriment and
admiration in rounds of applause。
Is this like life？ Change the scene to any real street； … to the
Stock Exchange； or the City banker's； the merchant's counting…
house； or even the tradesman's shop。 See any one of these men
fall； … the more suddenly； and the nearer the zenith of his pride
and riches； the better。 What a wild hallo is raised over his
prostrate carcase by the shouting mob； how they whoop and yell as
he lies humbled beneath them！ Mark how eagerly they set upon him
when he is down； and how they mock and deride him as he slinks
away。 Why； it is the pantomime to the very letter。
Of all the pantomimic DRAMATIS PERSONAE； we consider the pantaloon
the most worthless and debauched。 Independent of the dislike one
naturally feels at seeing a gentleman of his years engaged in
pursuits highly unbecoming his gravity and time of life； we cannot
conceal from ourselves the fact that he is a treacherous； worldly…
minded old villain； constantly enticing his younger companion； the
clown； into acts of fraud or petty larceny； and generally standing
aside to watch the result of the enterprise。 If it be successful；
he never forgets to return for his share of the spoil； but if it
turn out a failure； he generally retires with remarkable caution
and expedition； and keeps carefully aloof until the affair has
blown over。 His amorous propensities； too； are eminently
disagreeable； and his mode of addressing ladies in the open street
at noon…day is down…right improper； being usually neither more nor
less than a perceptible tickling of the aforesaid ladies in the
waist； after committing which； he starts back； manifestly ashamed
（as well he may be） of his own indecorum and temerity； continuing；
nevertheless； to ogle and beckon to them from a distance in a very
unpleasant and immoral manner。
Is there any man who cannot count a dozen pantaloons in his own
social circle？ Is there any man who has not seen them swarming at
the west end of the town on a sunshiny day or a summer's evening；
going through the last…named pantomimic feats with as much