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circumstance induced the bereaved lady to direct her steps to the
hotel which had witnessed the last struggles of her PROTEGE。 I can
only state that she arrived there； at the very instant when his
detached members were passing through the passage on a small tray。
Her shrieks still reverberate in my ears！ I grieve to say that the
expressive features of Professor Muff were much scratched and
lacerated by the injured lady； and that Professor Nogo； besides
sustaining several severe bites； has lost some handfuls of hair
from the same cause。 It must be some consolation to these
gentlemen to know that their ardent attachment to scientific
pursuits has alone occasioned these unpleasant consequences； for
which the sympathy of a grateful country will sufficiently reward
them。 The unfortunate lady remains at the Pig and Tinder…box； and
up to this time is reported in a very precarious state。
'I need scarcely tell you that this unlooked…for catastrophe has
cast a damp and gloom upon us in the midst of our exhilaration；
natural in any case； but greatly enhanced in this； by the amiable
qualities of the deceased animal； who appears to have been much and
deservedly respected by the whole of his acquaintance。'
'TWELVE O'CLOCK。
'I take the last opportunity before sealing my parcel to inform you
that the boy who fell through the pastrycook's window is not dead；
as was universally believed； but alive and well。 The report
appears to have had its origin in his mysterious disappearance。 He
was found half an hour since on the premises of a sweet…stuff
maker； where a raffle had been announced for a second…hand seal…
skin cap and a tambourine； and where … a sufficient number of
members not having been obtained at first … he had patiently waited
until the list was completed。 This fortunate discovery has in some
degree restored our gaiety and cheerfulness。 It is proposed to get
up a subscription for him without delay。
'Everybody is nervously anxious to see what to…morrow will bring
forth。 If any one should arrive in the course of the night； I have
left strict directions to be called immediately。 I should have sat
up； indeed； but the agitating events of this day have been too much
for me。
'No news yet of either of the Professors Snore； Doze； or Wheezy。
It is very strange！'
'WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON。
'All is now over； and； upon one point at least； I am at length
enabled to set the minds of your readers at rest。 The three
professors arrived at ten minutes after two o'clock； and； instead
of taking up their quarters at the Original Pig； as it was
universally understood in the course of yesterday that they would
assuredly have done； drove straight to the Pig and Tinder…box；
where they threw off the mask at once； and openly announced their
intention of remaining。 Professor Wheezy may reconcile this very
extraordinary conduct with HIS notions of fair and equitable
dealing； but I would recommend Professor Wheezy to be cautious how
he presumes too far upon his well…earned reputation。 How such a
man as Professor Snore； or； which is still more extraordinary； such
an individual as Professor Doze； can quietly allow himself to be
mixed up with such proceedings as these； you will naturally
inquire。 Upon this head； rumour is silent； I have my speculations；
but forbear to give utterance to them just now。'
'FOUR O'CLOCK。
'The town is filling fast； eighteenpence has been offered for a bed
and refused。 Several gentlemen were under the necessity last night
of sleeping in the brick fields； and on the steps of doors； for
which they were taken before the magistrates in a body this
morning； and committed to prison as vagrants for various terms。
One of these persons I understand to be a highly…respectable
tinker； of great practical skill； who had forwarded a paper to the
President of Section D。 Mechanical Science； on the construction of
pipkins with copper bottoms and safety…values； of which report
speaks highly。 The incarceration of this gentleman is greatly to
be regretted； as his absence will preclude any discussion on the
subject。
'The bills are being taken down in all directions； and lodgings are
being secured on almost any terms。 I have heard of fifteen
shillings a week for two rooms； exclusive of coals and attendance；
but I can scarcely believe it。 The excitement is dreadful。 I was
informed this morning that the civil authorities； apprehensive of
some outbreak of popular feeling； had commanded a recruiting
sergeant and two corporals to be under arms； and that； with the
view of not irritating the people unnecessarily by their presence；
they had been requested to take up their position before daybreak
in a turnpike； distant about a quarter of a mile from the town。
The vigour and promptness of these measures cannot be too highly
extolled。
'Intelligence has just been brought me； that an elderly female； in
a state of inebriety； has declared in the open street her intention
to 〃do〃 for Mr。 Slug。 Some statistical returns compiled by that
gentleman； relative to the consumption of raw spirituous liquors in
this place； are supposed to be the cause of the wretch's animosity。
It is added that this declaration was loudly cheered by a crowd of
persons who had assembled on the spot； and that one man had the
boldness to designate Mr。 Slug aloud by the opprobrious epithet of
〃Stick…in…the…mud！〃 It is earnestly to be hoped that now； when the
moment has arrived for their interference； the magistrates will not
shrink from the exercise of that power which is vested in them by
the constitution of our common country。'
'HALF…PAST TEN。
'The disturbance； I am happy to inform you； has been completely
quelled； and the ringleader taken into custody。 She had a pail of
cold water thrown over her； previous to being locked up； and
expresses great contrition and uneasiness。 We are all in a fever
of anticipation about to…morrow； but； now that we are within a few
hours of the meeting of the association； and at last enjoy the
proud consciousness of having its illustrious members amongst us； I
trust and hope everything may go off peaceably。 I shall send you a
full report of to…morrow's proceedings by the night coach。'
'ELEVEN O'CLOCK。
'I open my letter to say that nothing whatever has occurred since I
folded it up。'
'THURSDAY。
'The sun rose this morning at the usual hour。 I did not observe
anything particular in the aspect of the glorious planet； except
that he appeared to me （it might have been a delusion of my
heightened fancy） to shine with more than common brilliancy； and to
shed a refulgent lustre upon the town； such as I had never observed
before。 This is the more extraordinary； as the sky was perfectly
cloudless； and the atmosphere peculiarly fine。 At half…past nine
o'clock the general committee assembled； with the last year's
president in the chair。 The report of the council was read； and
one passage； which stated that the council had corresponded with no
less than three thousand five hundred and seventy…one persons； （all
of whom paid their own postage；） on no fewer than seven thousand
two hundred and forty…three topics； was received with a degree of
enthusiasm which no efforts could suppress。 The various committees
and sections having been appointed； and the more formal business
transacted； the great proceedings of the meeting commenced at
eleven o'clock precisely。 I had the happiness of occupying a most
eligible position at that time； in
'SECTION A。 … ZOOLOGY AND BOTANY。
GREAT ROOM； PIG AND TINDER…BOX。
PRESIDENT … Professor Snore。 VICE…PRESIDENTS … Professors Doze and
Wheezy。
'The scene at this moment was particularly striking。 The sun
streamed through the windows of the apartments； and tinted the
whole scene with its brilliant rays； bringing out in strong relief
the noble visages of the professors and scientific gentlemen； who；
some with bald heads； some with red heads； some with brown heads；
some with grey heads； some with black heads； some with block heads；
presented a COUP D'OEIL which no eye…witness will readily forget。
In front of these gentlemen were papers and inkstands； and round
the room； on elevated benches extending as far as the forms could
reach； were assembled a brilliant concourse of those lovely and
elegant women for which Mudfog is justly acknowledged to be without
a rival in the whole world。 The contrast between their fair faces
and the dark coats and trousers of the scientific gentlemen I shall
never cease to remember while Memory holds her seat。
'Time having been allowed for a slight confusion； occasioned by the
falling down of the greater part of the platforms； to subside； the
president called on one of the secretaries to read a communication
entitled； 〃Some remarks on the industrious fleas； with
considerations on the importance of establishin