按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
entitled； 〃Some remarks on the industrious fleas； with
considerations on the importance of establishing infant…schools
among that numerous class of society； of directing their industry
to useful and practical ends； and of applying the surplus fruits
thereof； towards providing for them a comfortable and respectable
maintenance in their old age。〃
'The author stated； that； having long turned his attention to the
moral and social condition of these interesting animals； he had
been induced to visit an exhibition in Regent…street； London；
commonly known by the designation of 〃The Industrious Fleas。〃 He
had there seen many fleas； occupied certainly in various pursuits
and avocations； but occupied； he was bound to add； in a manner
which no man of well…regulated mind could fail to regard with
sorrow and regret。 One flea； reduced to the level of a beast of
burden； was drawing about a miniature gig； containing a
particularly small effigy of His Grace the Duke of Wellington；
while another was staggering beneath the weight of a golden model
of his great adversary Napoleon Bonaparte。 Some； brought up as
mountebanks and ballet…dancers； were performing a figure…dance （he
regretted to observe； that； of the fleas so employed； several were
females）； others were in training； in a small card…board box； for
pedestrians； … mere sporting characters … and two were actually
engaged in the cold…blooded and barbarous occupation of duelling； a
pursuit from which humanity recoiled with horror and disgust。 He
suggested that measures should be immediately taken to employ the
labour of these fleas as part and parcel of the productive power of
the country； which might easily be done by the establishment among
them of infant schools and houses of industry； in which a system of
virtuous education； based upon sound principles； should be
observed； and moral precepts strictly inculcated。 He proposed that
every flea who presumed to exhibit； for hire； music； or dancing； or
any species of theatrical entertainment； without a licence； should
be considered a vagabond； and treated accordingly； in which respect
he only placed him upon a level with the rest of mankind。 He would
further suggest that their labour should be placed under the
control and regulation of the state； who should set apart from the
profits； a fund for the support of superannuated or disabled fleas；
their widows and orphans。 With this view； he proposed that liberal
premiums should be offered for the three best designs for a general
almshouse； from which … as insect architecture was well known to be
in a very advanced and perfect state … we might possibly derive
many valuable hints for the improvement of our metropolitan
universities； national galleries； and other public edifices。
'THE PRESIDENT wished to be informed how the ingenious gentleman
proposed to open a communication with fleas generally； in the first
instance； so that they might be thoroughly imbued with a sense of
the advantages they must necessarily derive from changing their
mode of life； and applying themselves to honest labour。 This
appeared to him； the only difficulty。
'THE AUTHOR submitted that this difficulty was easily overcome； or
rather that there was no difficulty at all in the case。 Obviously
the course to be pursued； if Her Majesty's government could be
prevailed upon to take up the plan； would be； to secure at a
remunerative salary the individual to whom he had alluded as
presiding over the exhibition in Regent…street at the period of his
visit。 That gentleman would at once be able to put himself in
communication with the mass of the fleas； and to instruct them in
pursuance of some general plan of education； to be sanctioned by
Parliament； until such time as the more intelligent among them were
advanced enough to officiate as teachers to the rest。
'The President and several members of the section highly
complimented the author of the paper last read； on his most
ingenious and important treatise。 It was determined that the
subject should be recommended to the immediate consideration of the
council。
'MR。 WIGSBY produced a cauliflower somewhat larger than a chaise…
umbrella； which had been raised by no other artificial means than
the simple application of highly carbonated soda…water as manure。
He explained that by scooping out the head； which would afford a
new and delicious species of nourishment for the poor； a parachute；
in principle something similar to that constructed by M。 Garnerin；
was at once obtained； the stalk of course being kept downwards。 He
added that he was perfectly willing to make a descent from a height
of not less than three miles and a quarter； and had in fact already
proposed the same to the proprietors of Vauxhall Gardens； who in
the handsomest manner at once consented to his wishes； and
appointed an early day next summer for the undertaking； merely
stipulating that the rim of the cauliflower should be previously
broken in three or four places to ensure the safety of the descent。
'THE PRESIDENT congratulated the public on the GRAND GALA in store
for them； and warmly eulogised the proprietors of the establishment
alluded to； for their love of science； and regard for the safety of
human life； both of which did them the highest honour。
'A Member wished to know how many thousand additional lamps the
royal property would be illuminated with； on the night after the
descent。
'MR。 WIGSBY replied that the point was not yet finally decided； but
he believed it was proposed； over and above the ordinary
illuminations； to exhibit in various devices eight millions and a…
half of additional lamps。
'The Member expressed himself much gratified with this
announcement。
'MR。 BLUNDERUM delighted the section with a most interesting and
valuable paper 〃on the last moments of the learned pig；〃 which
produced a very strong impression on the assembly； the account
being compiled from the personal recollections of his favourite
attendant。 The account stated in the most emphatic terms that the
animal's name was not Toby； but Solomon； and distinctly proved that
he could have no near relatives in the profession； as many
designing persons had falsely stated； inasmuch as his father；
mother； brothers and sisters； had all fallen victims to the butcher
at different times。 An uncle of his indeed； had with very great
labour been traced to a sty in Somers Town； but as he was in a very
infirm state at the time； being afflicted with measles； and shortly
afterwards disappeared； there appeared too much reason to
conjecture that he had been converted into sausages。 The disorder
of the learned pig was originally a severe cold； which； being
aggravated by excessive trough indulgence； finally settled upon the
lungs； and terminated in a general decay of the constitution。 A
melancholy instance of a presentiment entertained by the animal of
his approaching dissolution； was recorded。 After gratifying a
numerous and fashionable company with his performances； in which no
falling off whatever was visible； he fixed his eyes on the
biographer； and； turning to the watch which lay on the floor； and
on which he was accustomed to point out the hour； deliberately
passed his snout twice round the dial。 In precisely four…and…
twenty hours from that time he had ceased to exist！
'PROFESSOR WHEEZY inquired whether； previous to his demise； the
animal had expressed； by signs or otherwise； any wishes regarding
the disposal of his little property。
'MR。 BLUNDERUM replied； that； when the biographer took up the pack
of cards at the conclusion of the performance； the animal grunted
several times in a significant manner； and nodding his head as he
was accustomed to do； when gratified。 From these gestures it was
understood that he wished the attendant to keep the cards； which he
had ever since done。 He had not expressed any wish relative to his
watch； which had accordingly been pawned by the same individual。
'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether any Member of the section had
ever seen or conversed with the pig…faced lady； who was reported to
have worn a black velvet mask； and to have taken her meals from a
golden trough。
'After some hesitation a Member replied that the pig…faced lady was
his mother…in…law； and that he trusted the President would not
violate the sanctity of private life。
'THE PRESIDENT begged pardon。 He had considered the pig…faced lady
a public character。 Would the honourable member object to state；
with a view to the advancement of science； whether she was in any
way connected with the learned pig？
'The Member replied in the same low tone； that； as the question
appeared to involve a suspicion that the learned pig might be his
half…brother； he must decline answering it。
'SECTION B。 … ANATOMY AND MEDICINE。
COACH…HOUSE； PIG AND TINDER…BOX。
PRESIDENT … Dr。 Too