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privately got his DOCTOR AKAKIA ready。 Compared to which； the former missile is as a popgun to a park of artillery shotted with old nails and broken glass！Such a constraint； at the Royal dinner…table； amid wine and wit； could not continue。 The credible account is； it soon cracked asunder； and； after the conceivable sputterings； sparklings and flashings of various complexion； issued in lambent airs of 〃tacit mutual understanding； and in reading of AKAKIA together；with peals of laughter from the King；〃 as the common French Biographers assert。
〃Readers know AKAKIA；〃 ＇DIATRIBE DU DOCTEUR AKAKIA （in Voltaire； OEuvres； lxi。 19…62）。＇ says Smelfungus： 〃it is one of the famous feats of Satirical Pyrotechny； only too pleasant to the corrupt Race of Adam！ There is not much； or indeed anything； of true poetic humor in it： but there is a gayety of malice； a dexterity； felicity； inexhaustibility of laughing mockery and light banter； capable of driving a Perpetual President delirious。 What an Explosion of glass…crackers； fire…balls； flaming…serpents；generally； of sleeping gunpowder； in its most artistic forms；flaming out sky…high over all the Parish； on a sudden！ The almost…sublime of Maupertuis； which exists in large quantities； here is a new artist who knows how to treat it。 The engineer of the Sublime （always painfully engineering thitherward without effect）；an engineer of the Comic steps in on him； blows him up with his own petards in a most unexampled manner。 Not an owlery has that poor Maupertuis； in the struggle to be sublime （often nearly successful； but never once quite）； happened to drop from him； but Voltaire picks it up； manipulates it； reduces it to the sublimely ridiculous； lodges it； in the form of burning dust； about the head of MON PRESIDENT。 Needless to say of the Comic engineer that he is unfair； perversely exaggerative； reiterative； on the owleries of poor Maupertuis；it is his function to BE all that。 Clever； but wrong； do you say？ Well； yes：and yet the ridiculous does require ridicule； wise Nature has silently so ordered。 And if ever truculent President in red wig； with his absurd truculences； tyrannies and perpetual struggles after the sublime； did deserve to be exploded in laughter； it could not have been more consummately done；though perversely always； as must be owned。
〃'The hole bored through the Earth；' for instance： really； one sometimes reflects on such a thing； How you would see daylight； and the antipodal gentleman （if he bent a little over） foot to foot； how a little stone flung into it would exactly （but for air and friction） reach the other side of the world； would then； in a computable few moments； come back quiescent to your hand； and so continue forevermore；with other the like uncriminal fancies。
〃'The Latin Town；' again： truly； if learning the Ancient Languages be human Education； it might； with a Greek Ditto； supersede the Universities； and prove excellently serviceable in our struggle Heavenward by that particular route。 I can assure M。 de Voltaire； it was once practically proposed to this King's Great…grandfather； the Grosse Kurfurst；who looked into it； with face puckered to the intensest； in his great care for furtherance of the Terrestrial Sciences and Wisdoms； but forbore for that time。 ＇Minute details about it in Stenzel； ii。 234…238； who quotes 〃Erman〃 （a poor old friend of ours） 〃SUR LE PROJET D'UNE VILLE SAVANTE DANS LE BRANDEBOURG （Berlin； 1792）：〃 date of the Project was 1667。＇ Then as to 'Dissecting the Brains of Patagonians；' what harm； if you can get them gross enough？ And as to that of （exalting your mind to predict the future；' does not； in fact； man look BEFORE and AFTER； are not Memory and （in a small degree） Prophecy the Two Faculties he has？
〃These thingswhich are mostly to be found in the 'LETTRES DE MAUPERTUIS' （Dresden； 1752； then a brand…new Book）； but are now clipt out from the Maupertuis Treatiseswe can fancy to be almost sublimities。Almost； unfortunately not altogether。 And then there is such a Sisyphus…effort visible in dragging them aloft so far： and the nimble wicked Voltaire so seizes his moment； trips poor Sisyphus； and sends him down； heels…over…head； in a torrent of roaring debris！ 'From gradual transpiration of our vital force comes Death； which perhaps； by precautions； might be indefinitely retarded；' says Maupertuis。 'Yes； truly；' answers the other： 'if we got ourselves japanned； coated with resinous varnish （INDUITS DE POIX RESINEUX）； who knows！' Not a sublime owlery can you drop； but it is manipulated； ground down； put in rifled cannon； comes back on you as tempests of burning dust。〃 Enough to send Maupertuis pirouetting through the world； with red wig unquenchably on fire！
Peals of laughter （once you are allowed to be non…official） could not fail； as an ovation； from the King；so report the French Biographers。 But there was； besides； strict promise that the Piece should be suppressed： 〃Never do to send our President pirouetting through the world in this manner； with his wig on fire； promise me； on your honor！〃 Voltaire promised。 But； alas； how could Voltaire perform！ Once more the Rhadamanthine fact is： Voltaire； as King's Chamberlain； was bound； without any promise； to forbear； and rigidly suppress such an AKAKIA against the King's Perpetual President。 But withal let candid readers consider how difficult it was to do。 The absurd blusterous Turkey…cock； who has； every now and then； been tyrannizing over you for twenty years； here you have him filled with gunpowder； so to speak； and the train laid。 There wants but one spark；（edition printed in Holland； edition done in Berlin； plenty of editions made or makable by a little surreptitious legerdemain；and I never knew whether it was AKAKIA in print； or AKAKIA in manuscript； that King and King's Chamberlain were now reading together； nor does it matter much）：your Turkey surreptitiously stuffed with gunpowder； I say； train ready waiting； one flint…spark will shoot him aloft； scatter him as flaming ruin on all the winds： and you are； once and always； to withhold said spark。 Perhaps； had AKAKIA not yet been writtenBut all lies ready there； one spark will do it； at any moment；and there are unguarded moments； and the Tempter must prevail！
On what day AKAKIA blazed out at Berlin； surreptitiously forwarded from Holland or otherwise； I could never yet learn （so stupid these reporters）。 But 〃on November 2d〃 the King makes a Visit to sick Maupertuis； which is published in all the Newspapers； ＇Rodenbeck； IN DIE； Helden…Geschichte； iii。 531； 〃2d November； 1752； 5 P。M。〃＇and one might guess the AKAKIA conflagration； and cruel haha…ings of mankind； to have been tacitly the cause。 Then or later； sure enough； AKAKIA does blaze aloft about that time； and all Berlin； and all the world； is in conversation over Maupertuis and it；30；000 copies sold in Paris： and Friedrich naturally was in a towering passion at his Chamberlain。 Nothing for the Chamberlain but to fly his presence； to shriek； piteously； 〃Accident； your Majesty！ Fatal treachery and accident； after such precautions too！〃and fall sick to death （which is always a resource one has）； and get into private lodgings in the TAUBEN…STRASSE； ＇At a 〃Hofrath Francheville's〃 （kind of subaltern Literary Character； see Denina； ii。 67）； 〃TAUBEN…STRASSE （Dove Street）； No。 20：〃 stayed there till 〃March； 1753〃 （Note by Preuss； OEuvres de Frederic； xxii。 306 n。）。＇ till one either die； or grow fit to be seen again： 〃Ah； Sire〃let us give the Voltaire shriek of NOT…GUILTY； with the Friedrich Answer； both dateless unluckily：
VOLTAIRE。 〃AH； MON DIEU； Sire； in the state I am in！ I swear to you again； on my life； which I could renounce without pain； that it is a frightful calumny。 I conjure you to summon all my people； and confront them。 What？ You will judge me without hearing me！ I demand justice or death。〃
FRIEDRICH。 〃Your effrontery astonishes me。 After what you have done； and what is clear as day； you persist； instead of owning yourself culpable。 Do not imagine you will make people believe that black is white； when one ＇ON； meaning _I_＇ does not see； the reason ？ONE p。 218； book XVI ＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋ is； one does not want to see everything。 But if you drive the affair to extremity；all shall be made public； and it will be seen whether； if your Works deserve statues； your conduct does not deserve chains。〃 ＇ OEuvres de Frederic； xxii。 302； 301。＇
Most dark element （not in date only）； with terrific thunder…and… lightning。 Nothing for it but to keep one's room； mostly one's bed；〃Ah； Sire； sick to death！〃
December 24th； 1752； there is one thing dismally distinct； Voltaire himself looking on （they say）； from his windows in Dove Street： the Public Burning of AKAKIA； near there； by the common Hangman。 Figure it； and Voltaire's reflections on it：haggardly clear that Act Third is culminating； and that the final catastrophe is inevitable and nigh。 We must be brief。 On the eighth day after this dread spectacle （New…year's…day 1753）； Voltaire sends； in a Packet to the Palace； his Gold Key and Cross of Merit。 On the interior wrappage is an Inscription in verse： 〃I received them with lovi