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instead of going on。 I'll go back by my friend Lamps's Up X presently。〃
He went back to Mugby Junction； and； in point of fact； he established
himself at Mugby Junction。 It was the convenient place to live in； for
brightening Phoebe's life。 It was the convenient place to live in； for
having her taught music by Beatrice。 It was the convenient place to live
in； for occasionally borrowing Polly。 It was the convenient place to live in；
for being joined at will to all sorts of agreeable places and persons。 So；
he became settled there； and； his house standing in an elevated situation； it
is noteworthy of him in conclusion； as Polly herself might （not irreverently）
have put it：
〃There was an Old Barbox who lived on a hill； And if he ain't gone；
he lives there still。〃
Here follows the substance of what was seen； heard； or otherwise
picked up； by the gentleman for Nowhere； in his careful study of the
Junction。
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MUGBY JUNCTION
CHAPTER IIITHE BOY AT
MUGBY
I am the boy at Mugby。 That's about what I am。
You don't know what I mean？ What a pity！ But I think you do。 I
think you must。 Look here。 I am the boy at what is called The
Refreshment Room at Mugby Junction； and what's proudest boast is； that
it never yet refreshed a mortal being。
Up in a corner of the Down Refreshment Room at Mugby Junction； in
the height of twenty…seven cross draughts （I've often counted 'em while
they brush the First…Class hair twenty…seven ways）； behind the bottles；
among the glasses； bounded on the nor'west by the beer； stood pretty far to
the right of a metallic object that's at times the tea…urn and at times the
soup…tureen； according to the nature of the last twang imparted to its
contents which are the same groundwork； fended off from the traveller by
a barrier of stale sponge…cakes erected atop of the counter； and lastly
exposed sideways to the glare of Our Missis's eyeyou ask a Boy so
sitiwated； next time you stop in a hurry at Mugby； for anything to drink；
you take particular notice that he'll try to seem not to hear you； that he'll
appear in a absent manner to survey the Line through a transparent
medium composed of your head and body； and that he won't serve you as
long as you can possibly bear it。 That's me。
What a lark it is！ We are the Model Establishment； we are； at Mugby。
Other Refreshment Rooms send their imperfect young ladies up to be
finished off by our Missis。 For some of the young ladies； when they're
new to the business； come into it mild！ Ah！ Our Missis； she soon takes
that out of 'em。 Why； I originally come into the business meek myself。
But Our Missis； she soon took that out of ME。
What a delightful lark it is！ I look upon us Refreshmenters as
ockipying the only proudly independent footing on the Line。 There's
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MUGBY JUNCTION
Papers； for instance；my honourable friend； if he will allow me to call
him so；him as belongs to Smith's bookstall。 Why； he no more dares to
be up to our Refreshmenting games than he dares to jump a top of a
locomotive with her steam at full pressure； and cut away upon her alone；
driving himself； at limited…mail speed。 Papers； he'd get his head punched
at every compartment； first； second； and third； the whole length of a train；
if he was to ventur to imitate my demeanour。 It's the same with the
porters； the same with the guards； the same with the ticket clerks； the same
the whole way up to the secretary； traffic…manager； or very chairman。
There ain't a one among 'em on the nobly independent footing we are。
Did you ever catch one of them； when you wanted anything of him；
making a system of surveying the Line through a transparent medium
composed of your head and body？ I should hope not。
You should see our Bandolining Room at Mugby Junction。 It's led to
by the door behind the counter； which you'll notice usually stands ajar； and
it's the room where Our Missis and our young ladies Bandolines their hair。
You should see 'em at it； betwixt trains； Bandolining away； as if they was
anointing themselves for the combat。 When you're telegraphed； you
should see their noses all a… going up with scorn； as if it was a part of the
working of the same Cooke and Wheatstone electrical machinery。 You
should hear Our Missis give the word； 〃Here comes the Beast to be Fed！〃
and then you should see 'em indignantly skipping across the Line； from the
Up to the Down； or Wicer Warsaw； and begin to pitch the stale pastry into
the plates； and chuck the sawdust sangwiches under the glass covers； and
get out theha； ha； ha！the sherry；O my eye； my eye！for your
Refreshment。
It's only in the Isle of the Brave and Land of the Free （by which； of
course； I mean to say Britannia） that Refreshmenting is so effective； so
'olesome； so constitutional a check upon the public。 There was a Foreigner；
which having politely； with his hat off； beseeched our young ladies and
Our Missis for 〃a leetel gloss host prarndee；〃 and having had the Line
surveyed through him by all and no other acknowledgment； was a…
proceeding at last to help himself； as seems to be the custom in his own
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country； when Our Missis； with her hair almost a…coming un…Bandolined
with rage； and her eyes omitting sparks； flew at him； cotched the decanter
out of his hand； and said； 〃Put it down！ I won't allow that！〃 The
foreigner turned pale； stepped back with his arms stretched out in front of
him； his hands clasped； and his shoulders riz； and exclaimed： 〃Ah！ Is it
possible； this！ That these disdaineous females and this ferocious old
woman are placed here by the administration； not only to empoison the
voyagers； but to affront them！ Great Heaven！ How arrives it？ The
English people。 Or is he then a slave？ Or idiot？〃 Another time； a merry；
wideawake American gent had tried the sawdust and spit it out； and had
tried the Sherry and spit that out； and had tried in vain to sustain exhausted
natur upon Butter…Scotch； and had been rather extra Bandolined and Line…
surveyed through； when； as the bell was ringing and he paid Our Missis；
he says； very loud and good…tempered： 〃I tell Yew what 'tis； ma'arm。 I
la'af。 Theer！ I la'af。 I Dew。 I oughter ha' seen most things； for I hail
from the Onlimited side of the Atlantic Ocean； and I haive travelled right
slick over the Limited； head on through Jeerusalemm and the East； and
likeways France and Italy； Europe Old World； and am now upon the track
to the Chief Europian Village； but such an Institution as Yew； and Yewer
young ladies； and Yewer fixin's solid and liquid； afore the glorious Tarnal I
never did see yet！ And if I hain't found the eighth wonder of monarchical
Creation； in finding Yew and Yewer young ladies； and Yewer fixin's solid
and liquid； all as aforesaid； established in a country where the people air
not absolute Loo… naticks； I am Extra Double Darned with a Nip and
Frizzle to the innermostest grit！ WheerfurTheer！I la'af！ I Dew；
ma'arm。 I la'af！〃 And so he went； stamping and shaking his sides；
along the platform all the way to his own compartment。
I think it was her standing up agin the Foreigner as giv' Our Missis the
idea of going over to France； and droring a comparison betwixt
Refreshmenting as followed among the frog…eaters； and Refreshmenting as
triumphant in the Isle of the Brave and Land of