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me into it； I will candidly own to you that this silence is beginning to weigh heavily upon me。 I have borne my sorrows alone for twelve years； I have had none of the comfort that friendship gives in such full measure to a heart in pain。 My poor sick folk and my peasants certainly set me an example of unmurmuring resignation； but they know that I at least understand them and their troubles； while there is not a soul here who knows of the tears that I have shed； no one to give me the hand…clasp of a comrade； the noblest reward of all； a reward that falls to the lot of every other； even Gondrin has not missed that。〃
Genestas held out his hand； a sudden impulsive movement by which Benassis was deeply touched。
〃There is La Fosseuse；〃 he went on in a different voice； 〃she perhaps would have understood as the angels might； but then； too； she might possibly have loved me； and that would have been a misfortune。 Listen； captain； my confession could only be made to an old soldier who looks as leniently as you do on the failings of others； or to some young man who has not lost the illusions of youth； for only a man who knows life well； or a lad to whom it is all unknown； could understand my story。 The captains of past times who fell upon the field of battle used to make their last confession to the cross on the hilt of their sword； if there was no priest at hand； it was the sword that received and kept the last confidences between a human soul and God。 And will you hear and understand me； for you are one of Napoleon's finest sword…blades； as thoroughly tempered and as strong as steel？ Some parts of my story can only be understood by a delicate tenderness； and through a sympathy with the beliefs that dwell in simple hearts； beliefs which would seem absurd to the sophisticated people who make use in their own lives of the prudential maxims of worldly wisdom that only apply to the government of states。 To you I shall speak openly and without reserve； as a man who does not seek to apologize for his life with the good and evil done in the course of it； as one who will hide nothing from you； because he lives so far from the world of to…day； careless of the judgements of man； and full of hope in God。〃
Benassis stopped； rose to his feet； and said； 〃Before I begin my story； I will order tea。 Jacquotte has never missed asking me if I will take it for these twelve years past； and she will certainly interrupt us。 Do you care about it； captain？〃
〃No； thank you。〃
In another moment Benassis returned。
CHAPTER IV
THE COUNTRY DOCTOR'S CONFESSION
〃I was born in a little town in Languedoc；〃 the doctor resumed。 〃My father had been settled there for many years； and there my early childhood was spent。 When I was eight years old I was sent to the school of the Oratorians at Sorreze； and only left it to finish my studies in Paris。 My father had squandered his patrimony in the course of an exceedingly wild and extravagant youth。 He had retrieved his position partly by a fortunate marriage； partly by the slow persistent thrift characteristic of provincial life； for in the provinces people pride themselves on accumulating rather than on spending； and all the ambition in a man's nature is either extinguished or directed to money…getting； for want of any nobler end。 So he had grown rich at last； and thought to transmit to his only son all the cut…and…dried experience which he himself had purchased at the price of his lost illusions； a noble last illusion of age which fondly seeks to bequeath its virtues and its wary prudence to heedless youth； intent only on the enjoyment of the enchanted life that lies before it。
〃This foresight on my father's part led him to make plans for my education for which I had to suffer。 He sedulously concealed my expectations of wealth from me； and during the fairest years of my youth compelled me； for my own good； to endure the burden of anxiety and hardship that presses upon a young man who has his own way to make in the world。 His idea in so doing was to instill the virtues of poverty into mepatience； a thirst for learning； and a love of work for its own sake。 He hoped to teach me to set a proper value on my inheritance； by letting me learn； in this way； all that it costs to make a fortune； wherefore； as soon as I was old enough to understand his advice； he urged me to choose a profession and to work steadily at it。 My tastes inclined me to the study of medicine。
〃So I left Sorreze； after ten years of almost monastic discipline of the Oratorians； and； fresh from the quiet life of a remote provincial school； I was taken straight to the capital。 My father went with me in order to introduce me to the notice of a friend of his； and （all unknown to me） my two elders took the most elaborate precautions against any ebullitions of youth on my part； innocent lad though I was。 My allowance was rigidly computed on a scale based upon the absolute necessaries of life； and I was obliged to produce my certificate of attendance at the Ecole de Medecine before I was allowed to draw my quarter's income。 The excuse for this sufficiently humiliating distrust was the necessity of my acquiring methodical and business…like habits。 My father； however； was not sparing of money for all the necessary expenses of my education and for the amusements of Parisian life。
〃His old friend was delighted to have a young man to guide through the labyrinth into which I had entered。 He was one of those men whose natures lead them to docket their thoughts； feelings； and opinions every whit as carefully as their papers。 He would turn up last year's memorandum book； and could tell in a moment what he had been doing a twelvemonth since in this very month； day； and hour of the present year。 Life； for him； was a business enterprise； and he kept the books after the most approved business methods。 There was real worth in him though he might be punctilious； shrewd； and suspicious； and though he never lacked specious excuses for the precautionary measures that he took with regard to me。 He used to buy all my books； he paid for my lessons； and once； when the fancy took me to learn to ride； the good soul himself found me out a riding…school； went thither with me； and anticipated my wishes by putting a horse at my disposal whenever I had a holiday。 In spite of all this cautious strategy； which I managed to defeat as soon as I had any temptation to do so； the kind old man was a second father to me。
〃 'My friend；' he said； as soon as he surmised that I should break away altogether from my leading strings； unless he relaxed them； 'young folk are apt to commit follies which draw down the wrath of their elders upon their heads； and you may happen to want money at some time or other； if so； come to me。 Your father helped me nobly once upon a time； and I shall always have a few crowns to spare for you； but never tell any lies； and do not be ashamed to own to your faults。 I myself was young once； we shall always get on well together； like two good comrades。'
〃My father found lodgings for me with some quiet； middle…class people in the Latin Quarter； and my room was furnished nicely enough； but this first taste of independence； my father's kindness； and the self… denial which he seemed to be exercising for me； brought me but little happiness。 Perhaps the value of liberty cannot be known until it has been experienced； and the memories of the freedom of my childhood had been almost effaced by the irksome and dreary life at school； from which my spirits had scarcely recovered。 In addition to this； my father had urged new tasks upon me； so that altogether Paris was an enigma。 You must acquire some knowledge of its pleasures before you can amuse yourself in Paris。
〃My real position； therefore； was quite unchanged； save that my new lycee was a much larger building； and was called the Ecole de Medecine。 Nevertheless； I studied away bravely at first； I attended lectures diligently； I worked desperately hard and without relaxation； so strongly was my imagination affected by the abundant treasures of knowledge to be gained in the capital。 But very soon I heedlessly made acquaintances； danger lurks hidden beneath the rash confiding friendships that have so strong a charm for youth； and gradually I was drawn into the dissipated life of the capital。 I became an enthusiastic lover of the theatre； and with my craze for actors and the play； the work of my demoralization began。 The stage； in a great metropolis； exerts a very deadly influence over the young； they never quit the theatre save in a state of emotional excitement almost always beyond their power to control； society and the law seem to me to be accessories to the irregularities brought about in this way。 Our legislation has shut its eyes； so to speak； to the passions that torment a young man between twenty and five…and…twenty years of age。 In Paris he is assailed by temptations of every kind。 Religion may preach and Law may demand that he should walk uprightly； but all his surroundings and the tone of those about him are so many incitements to evil。 Do not the best of men and the most devout women there look upon continence as ridiculous？ The great city； in fact； seems to have set herself to give encouragement to vice and