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ple； and those who； for their own purposes； wished to prove to me that I was possessed of extraordinary abilities； found me quite convinced on that head。 Praise is the most insidious of all methods of treachery known to the world； and this is nowhere better understood than in Paris； where intriguing schemers know how to stifle every kind of talent at its birth by heaping laurels on its cradle。 So I did nothing worthy of my reputation； I reaped no advantages from the golden opinions entertained of me； and made no acquaintances likely to be useful in my future career。 I wasted my energies in numberless frivolous pursuits； and in the short…lived love intrigues that are the disgrace of salons in Paris； where every one seeks for love； grows blase in the pursuit； falls into the libertinism sanctioned by polite society； and ends by feeling as much astonished at real passion as the world is over a heroic action。 I did as others did。 Often I dealt to generous and candid souls the deadly wound from which I myself was slowly perishing。 Yet though deceptive appearances might lead others to misjudge me； I could never overcome my scrupulous delicacy。 Many times I have been duped； and should have blushed for myself had it been otherwise； I secretly prided myself on acting in good faith； although this lowered me in the eyes of others。 As a matter of fact the world has a considerable respect for cleverness； whatever form it takes； and success justifies everything。 So the world was pleased to attribute to me all the good qualities and evil propensities； all the victories and defeats which had never been mine； credited me with conquests of which I knew nothing； and sat in judgment upon actions of which I had never been guilty。 I scorned to contradict the slanders； and self…love led me to regard the more flattering rumors with a certain complacence。 Outwardly my existence was pleasant enough； but in reality I was miserable。 If it had not been for the tempest of misfortunes that very soon burst over my head； all good impulses must have perished； and evil would have triumphed in the struggle that went on within me； enervating self…indulgence would have destroyed the body； as the detestable habits of egotism exhausted the springs of the soul。 But I was ruined financially。 This was how it came about。
〃No matter how large his fortune may be； a man is sure to find some one else in Paris possessed of yet greater wealth； whom he must needs aim at surpassing。 In this unequal conquest I was vanquished at the end of four years； and； like many another harebrained youngster； I was obliged to sell part of my property and to mortgage the remainder to satisfy my creditors。 Then a terrible blow suddenly struck me down。
〃Two years had passed since I had last seen the woman whom I had deserted。 The turn that my affairs were taking would no doubt have brought me back to her once more； but one evening； in the midst of a gay circle of acquaintances； I received a note written in a trembling hand。 It only contained these few words：
〃 'I have only a very little while to live； and I should like to see you； my friend； so that I may know what will become of my child whether henceforward he will be yours； and also to soften the regret that some day you might perhaps feel for my death。'
〃The letter made me shudder。 It was a revelation of secret anguish in the past； while it contained a whole unknown future。 I set out on foot； I would not wait for my carriage； I went across Paris； goaded by remorse； and gnawed by a dreadful fear that was confirmed by the first sight of my victim。 In the extreme neatness and cleanliness beneath which she had striven to hid her poverty I read all the terrible sufferings of her life； she was nobly reticent about them in her effort to spare my feelings； and only alluded to them after I had solemnly promised to adopt our child。 She died； sir； in spite of all the care lavished upon her； and all that science could suggest was done for her in vain。 The care and devotion that had come too late only served to render her last moments less bitter。
〃To support her little one she had worked incessantly with her needle。 Love for her child had given her strength to endure her life of hardship； but it had not enabled her to bear my desertion； the keenest of all her griefs。 Many times she had thought of trying to see me； but her woman's pride had always prevented this。 While I squandered floods of gold upon my caprices； no memory of the past had ever bidden a single drop to fall in her home to help mother and child to live； but she had been content to weep； and had not cursed me； she had looked upon her evil fortune as the natural punishment of her error。 With the aid of a good priest of Saint Sulpice； whose kindly voice had restored peace to her soul； she had sought for hope in the shadow of the altar； whither she had gone to dry her tears。 The bitter flood that I had poured into her heart gradually abated； and one day； when she heard her child say 'Father；' a word that she had not taught him； she forgave my crime。 But sorrow and weeping and days and nights of ceaseless toil injured her health。 Religion had brought its consolations and the courage to bear the ills of life； but all too late。 She fell ill of a heart complaint brought on by grief and by the strain of expectation； for she always thought that I should return； and her hopes always sprang up afresh after every disappointment。 Her health grew worse； and at last； as she was lying on her deathbed； she wrote those few lines； containing no word of reproach； prompted by religion； and by a belief in the goodness in my nature。 She knew； she said； that I was blinded rather than bent on doing wrong。 She even accused herself of carrying her womanly pride too far。 'If I had only written sooner；' she said； 'perhaps there might have been time for a marriage which would have legitimated our child。'
〃It was only on her child's account that she wished for the solemnization of the ties that bound us； nor would she have sought for this if she had not felt that death was at hand to unloose them。 But it was too late； even then she had only a few hours to live。 By her bedside； where I learned to know the worth of a devoted heart； my nature underwent a final change。 I was still at an age when tears are shed。 During those last days； while the precious life yet lingered； my tears； my words； and everything I did bore witness to my heartstricken repentance。 The meanness and pettiness of the society in which I had moved； the emptiness and selfishness of women of fashion； had taught me to wish for and to seek an elect soul； and now I had found ittoo late。 I was weary of lying words and of masked faces； counterfeit passion had set me dreaming； I had called on love； and now I beheld love lying before me； slain by my own hands； and had no power to keep it beside me； no power to keep what was so wholly mine。
〃The experience of four years had taught me to know my own real character。 My temperament； the nature of my imagination； my religious principles； which had not been eradicated； but had rather lain dormant； my turn of mind； my heart that only now began to make itself felteverything within me led me to resolve to fill my life with the pleasures of affection； to replace a lawless love by family happiness the truest happiness on earth。 Visions of close and dear companionship appealed to me but the more strongly for my wanderings in the wilderness； my grasping at pleasures unennobled by thought or feeling。 So though the revolution within me was rapidly effected； it was permanent。 With my southern temperament； warped by the life I led in Paris； I should certainly have come to look without pity on an unhappy girl betrayed by her lover； I should have laughed at the story if it had been told me by some wag in merry company （for with us in France a clever bon mot dispels all feelings of horror at a crime）； but all sophistries were silenced in the presence of this angelic creature； against whom I could bring no least word of reproach。 There stood her coffin； and my child； who did not know that I had murdered his mother； and smiled at me。
〃She died。 She died happy when she saw that I loved her； and that this new love was due neither to pity nor to the ties that bound us together。 Never shall I forget her last hours。 Love had been won back； her mind was at rest about her child； and happiness triumphed over suffering。 The comfort and luxury about her； the merriment of her child； who looked prettier still in the dainty garb that had replaced his baby…clothes； were pledges of a happy future for the little one； in whom she saw her own life renewed。
〃The curate of Saint Sulpice witnessed my terrible distress。 His words well…nigh made me despair。 He did not attempt to offer conventional consolation； and put the gravity of my responsibilities unsparingly before me； but I had no need of a spur。 The conscience within me spoke loudly enough already。 A woman had placed a generous confidence in me。 I had lied to her from the first； I had told her that I loved her； and then I had cast her off； I had brought all this sorrow upon an unhappy girl who had braved the opinion of the world for me； and who therefore should have been sacred in my e