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humiliated by his humility； by caresses which will cease as soon as he
imagines that I have forgotten that scene。 To owe our master's good
graces to his faults〃
〃His crimes！〃 I interrupted quickly。
〃Is not that a frightful condition of existence？〃 she continued； with
a sad smile。 〃I cannot use this transient power。 At such times I am
like the knights who could not strike a fallen adversary。 To see in
the dust a man whom we ought to honor； to raise him only to enable him
to deal other blows； to suffer from his degradation more than he
suffers himself； to feel ourselves degraded if we profit by such
influence for even a useful end； to spend our strength； to waste the
vigor of our souls in struggles that have no grandeur； to have no
power except for a moment when a fatal crisis comesah； better death！
If I had no children I would let myself drift on the wretched current
of this life； but if I lose my courage； what will become of them？ I
must live for them； however cruel this life may be。 You talk to me of
love。 Ah！ my dear friend； think of the hell into which I should fling
myself if I gave that pitiless being； pitiless like all weak
creatures； the right to despise me。 The purity of my conduct is my
strength。 Virtue； dear friend； is holy water in which we gain fresh
strength； from which we issue renewed in the love of God。〃
〃Listen to me； dear Henriette； I have only another week to stay here；
and I wish〃
〃Ah； you mean to leave us！〃 she exclaimed。
〃You must know what my father intends to do with me；〃 I replied。 〃It
is now three months〃
〃I have not counted the days；〃 she said； with momentary self…
abandonment。 Then she checked herself and cried； 〃Come； let us go to
Frapesle。〃
She called the count and the children； sent for a shawl； and when all
were ready she； usually so calm and slow in all her movements； became
as active as a Parisian； and we started in a body to pay a visit at
Frapesle which the countess did not owe。 She forced herself to talk to
Madame de Chessel； who was fortunately discursive in her answers。 The
count and Monsieur de Chessel conversed on business。 I was afraid the
former might boast of his carriage and horses； but he committed no
such solecisms。 His neighbor questioned him about his projected
improvements at the Cassine and the Rhetoriere。 I looked at the count；
wondering if he would avoid a subject of conversation so full of
painful memories to all； so cruelly mortifying to him。 On the
contrary； he explained how urgent a duty it was to better the
agricultural condition of the canton； to build good houses and make
the premises salubrious； in short； he glorified himself with his
wife's ideas。 I blushed as I looked at her。 Such want of scruple in a
man who； on certain occasions； could be scrupulous enough； this
oblivion of the dreadful scene； this adoption of ideas against which
he had fought so violently； this confident belief in himself；
petrified me。
When Monsieur de Chessel said to him； 〃Do you expect to recover your
outlay？〃
〃More than recover it！〃 he exclaimed； with a confident gesture。
Such contradictions can be explained only by the word 〃insanity。〃
Henriette； celestial creature； was radiant。 The count was appearing to
be a man of intelligence； a good administrator； an excellent
agriculturist； she played with her boy's curly head； joyous for him；
happy for herself。 What a comedy of pain； what mockery in this drama；
I was horrified by it。 Later in life； when the curtain of the world's
stage was lifted before me； how many other Mortsaufs I saw without the
loyalty and the religious faith of this man。 What strange； relentless
power is it that perpetually awards an angel to a madman； to a man of
heart； of true poetic passion； a base woman； to the petty； grandeur；
to this demented brain； a beautiful； sublime being； to Juana； Captain
Diard； whose history at Bordeaux I have told you； to Madame de
Beauseant； an Ajuda； to Madame d'Aiglemont； her husband； to the
Marquis d'Espard； his wife！ Long have I sought the meaning of this
enigma。 I have ransacked many mysteries； I have discovered the reason
of many natural laws； the purport of some divine hieroglyphics； of the
meaning of this dark secret I know nothing。 I study it as I would the
form of an Indian weapon； the symbolic construction of which is known
only to the Brahmans。 In this dread mystery the spirit of Evil is too
visibly the master； I dare not lay the blame to God。 Anguish
irremediable； what power finds amusement in weaving you？ Can Henriette
and her mysterious philosopher be right？ Does their mysticism contain
the explanation of humanity？
The autumn leaves were falling during the last few days which I passed
in the valley； days of lowering clouds； which do sometimes obscure the
heaven of Touraine； so pure； so warm at that fine season。 The evening
before my departure Madame de Mortsauf took me to the terrace before
dinner。
〃My dear Felix；〃 she said； after we had taken a turn in silence under
the leafless trees； 〃you are about to enter the world； and I wish to
go with you in thought。 Those who have suffered much have lived and
known much。 Do not think that solitary souls know nothing of the
world； on the contrary； they are able to judge it。 Hear me： If I am to
live in and for my friend I must do what I can for his heart and for
his conscience。 When the conflict rages it is hard to remember rules；
therefore let me give you a few instructions； the warnings of a mother
to her son。 The day you leave us I shall give you a letter； a long
letter； in which you will find my woman's thoughts on the world； on
society； on men； on the right methods of meeting difficulty in this
great clash of human interests。 Promise me not to read this letter
till you reach Paris。 I ask it from a fanciful sentiment； one of those
secrets of womanhood not impossible to understand； but which we grieve
to find deciphered； leave me this covert way where as a woman I wish
to walk alone。〃
〃Yes； I promise it；〃 I said； kissing her hand。
〃Ah；〃 she added； 〃I have one more promise to ask of you； but grant it
first。〃
〃Yes； yes！〃 I cried； thinking it was surely a promise of fidelity。
〃It does not concern myself；〃 she said smiling； with some bitterness。
〃Felix； do not gamble in any house； no matter whose it be； I except
none。〃
〃I will never play at all；〃 I replied。
〃Good；〃 she said。 〃I have found a better use for your time than to
waste it on cards。 The end will be that where others must sooner or
later be losers you will invariably win。〃
〃How so？〃
〃The letter will tell you；〃 she said； with a playful smile； which took
from her advice the serious tone which might certainly have been that
of a grandfather。
The countess talked to me for an hour； and proved the depth of her
affection by the study she had made of my nature during the last three
months。 She penetrated the recesses of my heart； entering it with her
own； the tones of her voice were changeful and convincing； the words
fell from maternal lips； showing by their tone as well as by their
meaning how many ties already bound us to each other。
〃If you knew；〃 she said in conclusion； 〃with what anxiety I shall
follow your course； what joy I shall feel if you walk straight； what
tears I must shed if you strike against the angles！ Believe that my
affection has no equal； it is involuntary and yet deliberate。 Ah； I
would that I might see you happy； powerful； respected；you who are to
me a living dream。〃
She made me weep； so tender and so terrible was she。 Her feelings came
boldly to the surface； yet they were too pure to give the slightest
hope even to a young man thirsting for pleasure。 Ignoring my tortured
flesh； she shed the rays； undeviating； incorruptible； of the divine
love； which satisfies the soul only。 She rose to heights whither the
prismatic pinions of a love like mine were powerless to bear me。 To
reach her a man must needs have won the white wings of the seraphim。
〃In all that happens to me I will ask myself；〃 I said； 〃'What would my
Henriette say？'〃
〃Yes； I will be the star and the sanctuary both；〃 she said； alluding
to the dreams of my childhood。
〃You are my light and my religion；〃 I cried； 〃you shall be my all。〃
〃No；〃 she answered； 〃I can never be the source of your pleasures。〃
She sighed； the smile of secret pain was on her lips； the smile of the
slave who momentarily revolts。 From that day forth she was to me； not
merely my beloved； but my only love； she was not IN my heart as a
woman who takes a place； who makes it hers by devotion or by excess of
pleasure given； but she was my heart itself；it was all hers； a
something necessary to the play of my muscles。 She became to me as
Beatrice to the Florentine； as the spotless Laura to the Venetian； the
mother of great thoughts； the secret cause of resolutions which saved
me； the support of my future； the light shining in the darkness like a
lily in a wood。 Yes； she inspired those high resolves which pass
through flames； which save the thing in peril； she gave me a constancy
like Coligny's to vanquish conquerors； to rise above defeat； to weary
the strongest wrestler。
The next day； having breakfasted at Fra