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better than I knew。 The constant emotions of this stormy life； the
efforts that I made to subdue myself with no other succor than
that religion gave me； all； all has brought about the malady of
which I die。 The terrible shocks I have undergone brought on
attacks about which I kept silence。 I saw in death the sole
solution of this hidden tragedy。 A lifetime of anger； jealousy；
and rage lay in those two months between the time my mother told
me of your relations with Lady Dudley； and your return to
Clochegourde。 I wished to go to Paris； murder was in my heart； I
desired that woman's death； I was indifferent to my children。
Prayer； which had hitherto been to me a balm； was now without
influence on my soul。 Jealousy made the breach through which death
has entered。 And yet I have kept a placid brow。 Yes； that period
of struggle was a secret between God and myself。 After your return
and when I saw that I was loved； even as I loved you； that nature
had betrayed me and not your thought； I wished to live；it was
then too late！ God had taken me under His protection； filled no
doubt with pity for a being true with herself； true with Him；
whose sufferings had often led her to the gates of the sanctuary。
My beloved！ God has judged me； Monsieur de Mortsauf will pardon
me； but youwill you be merciful？ Will you listen to this voice
which now issues from my tomb？ Will you repair the evils of which
we are equally guilty？you； perhaps； less than I。 You know what I
wish to ask of you。 Be to Monsieur de Mortsauf what a sister of
charity is to a sick man； listen to him； love himno one loves
him。 Interpose between him and his children as I have done。 Your
task will not be a long one。 Jacques will soon leave home to be in
Paris near his grandfather； and you have long promised me to guide
him through the dangers of that life。 As for Madeleine； she will
marry； I pray that you may please her。 She is all myself； but
stronger； she has the will in which I am lacking； the energy
necessary for the companion of a man whose career destines him to
the storms of political life； she is clever and perceptive。 If
your lives are united she will be happier than her mother。 By
acquiring the right to continue my work at Clochegourde you will
blot out the faults I have not sufficiently expiated； though they
are pardoned in heaven and also on earth； for HE is generous and
will forgive me。 You see I am ever selfish； is it not the proof of
a despotic love？ I wish you to still love me in mine。 Unable to be
yours in life； I bequeath to you my thoughts and also my duties。
If you do not wish to marry Madeleine you will at least seek the
repose of my soul by making Monsieur de Mortsauf as happy as he
ever can be。
Farewell； dear child of my heart； this is the farewell of a mind
absolutely sane； still full of life； the farewell of a spirit on
which thou hast shed too many and too great joys to suffer thee to
feel remorse for the catastrophe they have caused。 I use that word
〃catastrophe〃 thinking of you and how you love me； as for me； I
reach the haven of my rest； sacrificed to duty and not without
regretah！ I tremble at that thought。 God knows better than I
whether I have fulfilled his holy laws in accordance with their
spirit。 Often； no doubt； I have tottered； but I have not fallen；
the most potent cause of my wrong…doing lay in the grandeur of the
seductions that encompassed me。 The Lord will behold me trembling
when I enter His presence as though I had succumbed。 Farewell
again； a long farewell like that I gave last night to our dear
valley； where I soon shall rest and where you will oftenwill you
not？return。
Henriette。
I fell into an abyss of terrible reflections； as I perceived the
depths unknown of the life now lighted up by this expiring flame。 The
clouds of my egotism rolled away。 She had suffered as much as Imore
than I； for she was dead。 She believed that others would be kind to
her friend； she was so blinded by love that she had never so much as
suspected the enmity of her daughter。 That last proof of her
tenderness pained me terribly。 Poor Henriette wished to give me
Clochegourde and her daughter。
Natalie； from that dread day when first I entered a graveyard
following the remains of my noble Henriette； whom now you know； the
sun has been less warm； less luminous； the nights more gloomy；
movement less agile； thought more dull。 There are some departed whom
we bury in the earth； but there are others more deeply loved for whom
our souls are winding…sheets； whose memory mingles daily with our
heart…beats； we think of them as we breathe； they are in us by the
tender law of a metempsychosis special to love。 A soul is within my
soul。 When some good thing is done by me； when some true word is
spoken； that soul acts and speaks。 All that is good within me issues
from that grave； as the fragrance of a lily fills the air； sarcasm；
bitterness； all that you blame in me is mine。 Natalie； when next my
eyes are darkened by a cloud or raised to heaven after long
contemplation of earth； when my lips make no reply to your words or
your devotion； do not ask me again； 〃Of what are you thinking？〃
*****
Dear Natalie； I ceased to write some days ago； these memories were too
bitter for me。 Still； I owe you an account of the events which
followed this catastrophe； they need few words。 When a life is made up
of action and movement it is soon told； but when it passes in the
higher regions of the soul its story becomes diffuse。 Henriette's
letter put the star of hope before my eyes。 In this great shipwreck I
saw an isle on which I might be rescued。 To live at Clochegourde with
Madeleine； consecrating my life to hers； was a fate which satisfied
the ideas of which my heart was full。 But it was necessary to know the
truth as to her real feelings。 As I was bound to bid the count
farewell； I went to Clochegourde to see him； and met him on the
terrace。 We walked up and down for some time。 At first he spoke of the
countess like a man who knew the extent of his loss； and all the
injury it was doing to his inner self。 But after the first outbreak of
his grief was over he seemed more concerned about the future than the
present。 He feared his daughter； who； he told me； had not her mother's
gentleness。 Madeleine's firm character； in which there was something
heroic blending with her mother's gracious nature； alarmed the old
man； used to Henriette's tenderness； and he now foresaw the power of a
will that never yielded。 His only consolation for his irreparable
loss； he said； was the certainty of soon rejoining his wife； the
agitations； the griefs of these last few weeks had increased his
illness and brought back all his former pains； the struggle which he
foresaw between his authority as a father and that of his daughter；
now mistress of the house； would end his days in bitterness； for
though he should have struggled against his wife； he should； he knew；
be forced to give way before his child。 Besides； his son was soon to
leave him； his daughter would marry； and what sort of son…in…law was
he likely to have？ Though he thus talked of dying； his real distress
was in feeling himself alone for many years to come without sympathy。
During this hour when he spoke only of himself； and asked for my
friendship in his wife's name； he completed a picture in my mind of
the remarkable figure of the Emigre；one of the most imposing types
of our period。 In appearance he was frail and broken； but life seemed
persistent in him because of his sober habits and his country
avocations。 He is still living。
Though Madeleine could see me on the terrace； she did not come down。
Several times she came out upon the portico and went back in again； as
if to signify her contempt。 I seized a moment when she appeared to beg
the count to go to the house and call her； saying I had a last wish of
her mother to convey to her； and this would be my only opportunity of
doing so。 The count brought her； and left us alone together on the
terrace。
〃Dear Madeleine；〃 I said； 〃if I am to speak to you； surely it should
be here where your mother listened to me when she felt she had less
reason to complain of me than of the circumstances of life。 I know
your thoughts； but are you not condemning me without a knowledge of
the facts？ My life and happiness are bound up in this place； you know
that； and yet you seek to banish me by the coldness you show； in place
of the brotherly affection which has always united us； and which death
should have strengthened by the bonds of a common grief。 Dear
Madeleine； you for whom I would gladly give my life without hope of
recompense； without your even knowing it；so deeply do we love the
children of those who have succored us；you are not aware of the
project your adorable mother cherished during the last seven years。 If
you knew it your feelings would doubtless soften towards me； but I do
not wish to take advantage of you now。 All that I ask is that you do
not deprive me of the right to come here； to breathe the air on this
terrace； and to wait until time has changed yo