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circumstance。 The wiser effort would have been； to diffuse thought and
imagination through the opaque substance of to…day； and thus to make
it a bright transparency； to spiritualise the burden that began to
weigh so heavily； to seek； resolutely； the true and indestructible
value that lay hidden in the petty and wearisome incidents； and
ordinary characters； with which I was now conversant。 The fault was
mine。 The page of life that was spread out before me seemed dull and
commonplace； only because I had not fathomed its deeper import。 A
better book than I shall ever write was there； leaf after leaf
presenting itself to me； just as it was written out by the reality
of the flitting hour； and vanishing as fast as written； only because
my brain wanted the insight and my hand the cunning to transcribe
it。 At some future day； it may be； I shall remember a few scattered
fragments and broken paragraphs； and write them down； and find the
letters turn to gold upon the page。
These perceptions have come too late。 At the instant； I was only
conscious that what would have been a pleasure once was now a hopeless
toil。 There was no occasion to make much moan about this state of
affairs。 I had ceased to be a writer of tolerably poor tales and
essays； and had become a tolerably good Surveyor of the Customs。
That was all。 But； nevertheless； it is anything but agreeable to be
haunted by a suspicion that one's intellect is dwindling away； or
exhaling； without your consciousness； like ether out of a phial； so
that； at every glance； you find a smaller and less volatile
residuum。 Of the fact there could be no doubt； and； examining myself
and others； I was led to conclusions； in reference to the effect of
public office on the character； not very favourable to the mode of
life in question。 In some other form； perhaps； I may hereafter develop
these effects。 Suffice it here to say； that a Custom…House officer； of
long continuance； can hardly be a very praiseworthy or respectable
personage； for many reasons； one of them； the tenure by which he holds
his situation； and another； the very nature of his business； which…
though； I trust； an honest one… is of such a sort that he does not
share in the united effort of mankind。
An effect… which I believe to be observable； more or less； in
every individual who has occupied the position… is； that； while he
leans on the mighty arm of the Republic； his own proper strength
departs from him。 He loses； in an extent proportioned to the
weakness or force of his original nature； the capability of
self…support。 If he possess an unusual share of native energy； or
the enervating magic of place do not operate too long upon him； his
forfeited powers may be redeemable。 The ejected officer… fortunate
in the unkindly shove that sends him forth betimes； to struggle amid a
struggling world… may return to himself； and become all that he has
ever been。 But this seldom happens。 He usually keeps his ground just
long enough for his own ruin； and is then thrust out； with sinews
all unstrung； to totter along the difficult footpath of life as he
best may。 Conscious of his own infirmity… that his tempered steel
and elasticity are lost… he forever afterwards looks wistfully about
him in quest of support external to himself。 His pervading and
continual hope… a hallucination； which； in the face of all
discouragement； and making light of impossibilities； haunts him
while he lives； and； I fancy； like the convulsive throes of the
cholera； torments him for a brief space after death… is； that finally；
and in no long time； by some happy coincidence of circumstances； he
shall be restored to office。 This faith； more than anything else；
steals the pith and availability out of whatever enterprise he may
dream of undertaking。 Why should he toil and moil； and be at so much
trouble to pick himself up out of the mud； when； in a little while
hence； the strong arm of his Uncle will raise and support him？ Why
should he work for his living here； or go to dig gold in California；
when he is so soon to be made happy； at monthly intervals； with a
little pile of glittering coin out of his Uncle's pocket？ It is
sadly curious to observe how slight a taste of office suffices to
infect a poor fellow with this singular disease。 Uncle Sam's gold…
meaning no disrespect to the worthy old gentleman… has； in this
respect； a quality of enchantment like that of the Devil's wages。
Whoever touches it should look well to himself； or he may find the
bargain to go hard against him； involving； if not his soul； yet many
of its better attributes； its sturdy force； its courage and constancy；
its truth； its self…reliance； and all that gives the emphasis to manly
character。
Here was a fine prospect in the distance！ Not that the Surveyor
brought the lesson home to himself； or admitted that he could be so
utterly undone； either by continuance in office； or ejectment。 Yet
my reflections were not the most comfortable。 I began to grow
melancholy and restless； continually prying into my mind； to
discover which of its poor properties were gone； and what degree of
detriment had already accrued to the remainder。 I endeavoured to
calculate how much longer I could stay in the Custom…House； and yet go
forth a man。 To confess the truth； it was my greatest apprehension… as
it would never be a measure of policy to turn out so quiet an
individual as myself； and it being hardly in the nature of a public
officer to resign… it was my chief trouble； therefore； that I was
likely to grow grey and decrepit in the Surveyorship； and become
much such another animal as the old Inspector。 Might it not； in the
tedious lapse of official life that lay before me； finally be with
me as it was with this venerable friend… to make the dinner…hour the
nucleus of the day； and to spend the rest of it； as an old dog
spends it； asleep in the sunshine or in the shade？ A dreary look
forward this； for a man who felt it to be the best definition of
happiness to live throughout the whole range of his faculties and
sensibilities！ But； all this while； I was giving myself very
unnecessary alarm。 Providence had meditated better things for me
than I could possibly imagine for myself。
A remarkable event of the third year of my Surveyorship… to adopt
the tone of 〃P。 P。〃… was the election of General Taylor to the
Presidency。 It is essential； in order to a complete estimate of the
advantages of official life； to view the incumbent at the incoming
of a hostile administration。 His position is then one of the most
singularly irksome； and； in every contingency； disagreeable； that a
wretched mortal can possibly occupy； with seldom an alternative of
good； on either hand； although what presents itself to him as the
worst event may very probably be the best。 But it is a strange
experience； to a man of pride and sensibility； to know that his
interests are within the control of individuals who neither love nor
understand him； and by whom； since one or the other must needs happen；
he would rather be injured than obliged。 Strange； too； for one who has
kept his calmness throughout the contest； to observe the
bloodthirstiness that is developed in the hour of triumph； and to be
conscious that he is himself among its objects！ There are few uglier
traits of human nature than this tendency… which I now witnessed in
men no worse than their neighbours… to grow cruel； merely because they
possessed the power of inflicting harm。 If the guillotine； as
applied to office…holders； were a literal fact； instead of one of
the most apt of metaphors； it is my sincere belief； that the active
members of the victorious party were sufficiently excited to have
chopped off all our heads； and have thanked Heaven for the
opportunity！ It appears to me… who have been a calm and curious
observer； as well in victory as defeat… that this fierce and bitter
spirit of malice and revenge has never distinguished the many triumphs
of my own party as it now did that of the Whigs。 The Democrats take
the offices； as a general rule； because they need them； and because
the practice of many years has made it the law of political warfare；
which； unless a different system be proclaimed； it were weakness and
cowardice to murmur at。 But the long habit of victory has made them
generous。 They know how to spare； when they see occasion； and when
they strike； the axe may be sharp； indeed； but its edge is seldom
poisoned with ill…will； nor is it their custom ignominously to kick
the head which they have just struck off。
In short； unpleasant as was my predicament； at best； I saw much
reason to congratulate myself that I was on the losing side； rather
than the triumphant one。 if； heretofore； I had been none of the
warmest of partisans； I began now； at this season of peril and
adversity； to be pretty acutely sensible with which party my
predilections lay； nor was it without something like regret and shame；
that； a