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to this rule。 I held on this course with tolerable constancy for five or six years： and； even when that constancy abated； it failed not to leave a beneficial effect on my subsequent conduct。
But； in pursuing this scheme of practice； I was acting a part somewhat foreign to my constitution。 I was by nature more of a speculative than an active character； more inclined to reason within myself upon what I heard and saw； than to declaim concerning it。 I loved to sit by unobserved； and to meditate upon the panorama before me。 At first I associated chiefly with those who were more or less admirers of my work； and； as I had risen （to speak in the slang phrase） like 〃a star〃 upon my contemporaries without being expected； I was treated generally with a certain degree of deference； or； where not with deference and submission； yet as a person whose opinions and view of things were to be taken into the account。 The individuals who most strenuously opposed me； acted with a consciousness that； if they affected to despise me； they must not expect that all the bystanders would participate in that feeling。
But this was to a considerable degree the effect of novelty。 My lungs； as I have already said； were not of iron； my manner was not overbearing and despotic； there was nothing in it to deter him who differed from me from entering the field in turn； and telling the tale of his views and judgments in contradiction to mine。 I descended into the arena； and stood on a level with the rest。 Beyond this； it occasionally happened that； if I had not the stentorian lungs； and the petty artifices of rhetoric and conciliation； that should carry a cause independently of its merits； my antagonists were not deficient in these respects。 I had nothing in my favour to balance this； but a sort of constitutional equanimity and imperturbableness of temper； which； if I was at any time silenced； made me not look like a captive to be dragged at the chariot…wheels of my adversary。
All this however had a tendency to subtract from my vocation as a missionary。 I was no longer a knight…errant； prepared on all occasions by dint of arms to vindicate the cause of every principle that was unjustly handled； and every character that was wrongfully assailed。 Meanwhile I returned to the field； occasionally and uncertainly。 It required some provocation and incitement to call me out： but there was the lion； or whatever combative animal may more justly prefigure me； sleeping； and that might be awakened。
There is another feature necessary to be mentioned； in order to make this a faithful representation。 There are persons； it should seem； of whom it may be predicated； that they are semper parati。 This has by no means been my case。 My genius often deserted me。 I was far from having the thought； the argument； or the illustration at all times ready； when it was required。 I resembled to a certain degree the persons we read of； who are said to be struck as if with a divine judgment。 I was for a moment changed into one of the mere herd； de grege porcus。 My powers therefore were precarious； and I could not always be the intrepid and qualified advocate of truth； if I vehemently desired it。 I have often； a few minutes afterwards； or on my return to my chambers； recollected the train of thinking； which world have strewn me off to advantage； and memorably done me honour； if I could have had it at my command the moment it was wanted。
And so much for confession。 I am by no means vindicating myself。
I honour much more the man who is at all times ready to tell his neighbour whatever it may be of advantage to him to know； to shew himself the sincere and untemporising advocate of absent merit and worth； and to contribute by every means in his power to the improvement of others； and to the diffusion of salutary truths through the world。
This is what every man ought to be； and what the best devised scheme of republican institutions would have a tendency to make us all。
But； though the man here described is to a certain degree a deserter of his true place in society； and cannot be admitted to have played his part in all things well； we are by no means to pronounce upon him a more unfavourable judgment than he merits。 Diffidence； though； where it disqualifies us in any way from doing justice to truth； either as it respects general principle or individual character； a defect； yet is on no account to be confounded in demerit with that suppression of truth； or misrepresentation； which grows out of actual craft and design。
The diffident man； in some cases seldomer； and in some oftener and in a more glaring manner； deserts the cause of truth； and by that means is the cause of misrepresentation； and indirectly the propagator of falshood。 But he is constant and sincere as far as he goes； he never lends his voice to falshood； or intentionally to sophistry； he never for an instant goes over to the enemy's standard； or disgraces his honest front by strewing it in the ranks of tyranny or imposture。 He may undoubtedly be accused； to a certain degree； of dissimulation； or throwing into shade the thing that is； but never of simulation； or the pretending the thing to be that is not。 He is plain and uniform in every thing that he professes； or to which he gives utterance； but； from timidity or irresolution； he keeps back in part the offering which he owes at the shrine where it is most honourable and glorious for man to worship。
And this brings me back again to the subject of the immediately preceding Essay； the propriety of voting by ballot。
The very essence of this scheme is silence。 And this silence is not merely like that which is prompted by a diffident temper； which by fits is practiced by the modest and irresolute man； and by fits disappears before the sun of truth and through the energies of a temporary fortitude。 It is uniform。 It is not brought into act only； when the individual unhappily does not find in himself the firmness to play the adventurer。 It becomes matter of system； and is felt as being recommended to us for a duty
Nor does the evil stop there。 In the course of my ordinary communications with my fellow…men； I speak when I please； and I am silent when I please； and there is nothing specially to be remarked either way。 If I speak； I am perhaps listened to； and； if I am silent； it is likely enough concluded that it is because I have nothing of importance to say。 But in the question of ballot the case is far otherwise。 There it is known that the voter has his secret。 When I am silent upon a matter occurring in the usual intercourses of life where I might speak； nay； where we will suppose I ought to speak； I am at least guilty of dissimulation only。 But the voter by ballot is strongly impelled to the practice of the more enormous sin of simulation。 It is known； as I have said； that he has his secret。 And he will often be driven to have recourse to various stratagems； that he may elude the enquirer； or that he may set at fault the sagacity of the silent observer。 He has something that he might tell if he would； and he distorts himself in a thousand ways； that he may not betray the hoard which he is known to have in his custody。 The institution of ballot is the fruitful parent of ambiguities； equivocations and lies without number。
ESSAY XIX。 OF SELF…COMPLACENCY。
The subject of this Essay is intimately connected with those of Essays XI and XII； perhaps the most important of the series。
It has been established in the latter； that human creatures are constantly accompanied in their voluntary actions with the delusive sense of liberty； and that our character； our energies； and our conscience of moral right and wrong； are mainly dependent upon this feature in our constitution。
The subject of my present disquisition relates to the feeling of self…approbation or self…complacency； which will be found inseparable from the most honourable efforts and exertions in which mortal men can be engaged。
One of the most striking of the precepts contained in what are called the Golden Verses of Pythagoras； is couched in the words； 〃Reverence thyself。〃
The duties which are incumbent on man are of two sorts； negative and positive。 We are bound to set right our mistakes； and to correct the evil habits to which we are prone； and we are bound also to be generously ambitious； to aspire after excellence； and to undertake such things as may reflect honour on ourselves； and be useful to others。
To the practice of the former of these classes of duties we may be instigated by prohibitions； menaces and fear； the fear of mischiefs that may fall upon us conformably to the known series of antecedents and consequents in the course of nature； or of mischiefs that may be inflicted on us by the laws of the country in which we live； or as results of the ill will and disapprobation felt towards us by individuals。 There is nothing that is necessarily generous or invigorating in the practice of our negative duties。 They amount merely to a scheme for keeping us within bounds； and restraining us from those sallies and escapes； which human nature； undisciplined and left to itself； might betray us into。 But positive enterprise； and great actual improvement canno