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mind。 It will also reveal the motives that sustained me； the
hopes that animated me； in the new and strange life which my next
chapters must describe。
I was removed from the hotel in the care of my fatherly old
friend； Benjamin。 A bedroom was prepared for me in his little
villa。 There I passed the first night of my separation from my
husband。 Toward the morning my weary brain got some restI
slept。
At breakfast…time Major Fitz…David called to inquire about me。 He
had kindly volunteered to go and speak for me to my husband's
lawyers on the preceding day。 They had admitted that they knew
where Eustace had gone； but they declared at the same time that
they were positively forbidden to communicate his address to any
one。 In other respects their 〃instructions〃 in relation to the
wife of their client were （as they were pleased to express it）
〃generous to a fault。〃 I had only to write to them； and they
would furnish me with a copy by return of post。
This was the Major's news。 He refrained； with the tact that
distinguished him； from putting any questions to me beyond
questions relating to the state of my health。 These answered； he
took his leave of me for that day。 He and Benjamin had a long
talk together afterward in the garden of the villa。
I retired to my room and wrote to my uncle Starkweather； telling
him exactly what had happened； and inclosing him a copy of my
husband's letter。 This done； I went out for a little while to
breathe the fresh air and to think。 I was soon weary； and went
back again to my room to rest。 My kind old Benjamin left me at
perfect liberty to be alone as long as I pleased。 Toward the
afternoon I began to feel a little more like my old self again。 I
mean by this that I could think of Eustace without bursting out
crying； and could speak to Benjamin without distressing and
frightening the dear old man。
That night I had a little more sleep。 The next morning I was
strong enough to confront the first and foremost duty that I now
owed to myselfthe duty of answering my husband's letter。
I wrote to him in these words：
〃I am still too weak and weary； Eustace； to write to you at any
length。 But my mind is clear。 I have formed my own opinion of you
and your letter； and I know what I mean to do now you have left
me。 Some women； in my situation； might think that you had
forfeited all right to their confidence。 I don't think that。 So I
write and tell you what is in my mind in the plainest and fewest
words that I can use。
〃You say you love meand you leave me。 I don't understand loving
a woman and leaving her。 For my part； in spite of the hard things
you have said and written to me； and in spite of the cruel manner
in which you have left me； I love youand I won't give you up。
No！ As long as I live I mean to live your wife。
〃Does this surprise you？ It surprises _me。_ If another woman
wrote in this manner to a man who had behaved to her as you have
behaved； I should be quite at a loss to account for her conduct。
I am quite at a loss to account for my own conduct。 I ought to
hate you； and yet I can't help loving you。 I am ashamed of
myself； but so it is。
〃You need feel no fear of my attempting to find out where you
are； and of my trying to persuade you to return to me。 I am not
quite foolish enough to do that。 You are not in a fit state of
mind to return to me。 You are all wrong； all over； from head to
foot。 When you get right again； I am vain enough to think that
you will return to me of your own accord。 And shall I be weak
enough to forgive you？ Yes！ I shall certainly be weak enough to
forgive you。
〃But how are you to get right again？
〃I have puzzled my brains over this question by night and by day；
and my opinion is that you will never get right again unless I
help you。
〃How am I to help you？
〃That question is easily answered。 What the Law has failed to do
for you； your Wife must do for you。 Do you remember what I said
when we were together in the back room at Major Fitz…David's
house？ I told you that the first thought that came to me； when I
heard what the Scotch jury had done； was the thought of setting
their vile Verdict right。 Well！ Your letter has fixed this idea
more firmly in my mind than ever。 The only chance that I can see
of winning you back to me； in the character of a penitent and
loving husband； is to change that underhand Scotch Verdict of Not
Proven into an honest English Verdict of Not Guilty。
〃Are you surprised at the knowledge of the law which this way of
writing betrays in an ignorant woman？ I have been learning； my
dear： the Law and the Lady have begun by understanding one
another。 In plain English； I have looked into Ogilvie's 'Imperial
Dictionary；' and Ogilvie tells me； 'A verdict of Not Proven only
indicates that； in the opinion of the jury； there is a deficiency
in the evidence to convict the prisoner。 A verdict of Not Guilty
imports the jury's opinion that the prisoner is innocent。'
Eustace； that shall be the opinion of the world in general； and
of the Scotch jury in particular； in your case。 To that one
object I dedicate my life to come； if God spare me！
〃Who will help me； when I need help； is more than I yet know。
There was a time when I had hoped that we should go hand in hand
together in doing this good work。 That hope is at an end。 I no
longer expect you； or ask you； to help me。 A man who thinks as
you think can give no help to anybodyit is his miserable
condition to have no hope。 So be it！ I will hope for two； and
will work for two； and I shall find some one to help menever
fearif I deserve it。
〃I will say nothing about my plansI have not read the Trial
yet。 It is quite enough for me that I know you are i nnocent。
When a man is innocent； there _must_ be a way of proving it： the
one thing needful is to find the way。 Sooner or later； with or
without assistance； I shall find it。 Yes！ before I know any
single particular of the Case； I tell you positivelyI shall
find it！
〃You may laugh over this blind confidence on my part； or you may
cry over it。 I don't pretend to know whether I am an object for
ridicule or an object for pity。 Of one thing only I am certain： I
mean to win you back； a man vindicated before the world； without
a stain on his character or his namethanks to his wife。
〃Write to me； sometimes； Eustace； and believe me； through all the
bitterness of this bitter business； your faithful and loving
〃VALERIA。〃
There was my reply！ Poor enough as a composition （I could write a
much better letter now）； it had； if I may presume to say so； one
merit。 It was the honest expression of what I really meant and
felt。
I read it to Benjamin。 He held up his hands with his customary
gesture when he was thoroughly bewildered and dismayed。 〃It seems
the rashest letter that ever was written；〃 said the dear old man。
〃I never heard； Valeria； of a woman doing what you propose to do。
Lord help us！ the new generation is beyond my fathoming。 I wish
your uncle Starkweather was here： I wonder what he would say？ Oh；
dear me； what a letter from a wife to a husband！ Do you really
mean to send it to him？〃
I added immeasurably to my old friend's surprise by not even
employing the post…office。 I wished to see the 〃instructions〃
which my husband had left behind him。 So I took the letter to his
lawyers myself。
The firm consisted of two partners。 They both received me
together。 One was a soft； lean man； with a sour smile。 The other
was a hard； fat man； with ill…tempered eyebrows。 I took a great
dislike to both of them。 On their side； they appeared to feel a
strong distrust of me。 We began by disagreeing。 They showed me my
husband's 〃instructions；〃 providing； among other things； for the
payment of one clear half of his income as long as he lived to
his wife。 I positively refused to touch a farthing of his money。
The lawyers were unaffectedly shocked and astonished at this
decision。 Nothing of the sort had ever happened before in the
whole course of their experience。 They argued and remonstrated
with me。 The partner with the ill…tempered eyebrows wanted to
know what my reasons were。 The partner with the sour smile
reminded his colleague satirically that I was a lady； and had
therefore no reasons to give。 I only answered； 〃Be so good as to
forward my letter； gentlemen；〃 and left them。
I have no wish to claim any credit to myself in these pages which
I do not honestly deserve。 The truth is that my pride forbade me
to accept help from Eustace； now that he had left me。 My own
little fortune （eight hundred a year） had been settled on myself
when I married。 It had been more than I wanted as a single woman；
and I was resolved that it should be enough for me now。 Benjamin
had insisted on my considering his cottage as my home。 Under
these circumstances； the expenses in which my determination to
clear my husband's character might involve me were the only
expenses for which I had to provide。 I could afford to be
independent； and independent I resolved that I would be。
While I am occupied in confessing my weakness and my errors； it
is only right to add that； dearly as I still loved my unhappy；
misguided husband； th