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While I am occupied in confessing my weakness and my errors； it
is only right to add that； dearly as I still loved my unhappy；
misguided husband； there was one little fault of his which I
found it not easy to forgive。
Pardoning other things； I could not quite pardon his concealing
from me that he had been married to a first wife。 Why I should
have felt this so bitterly as I did； at certain times and
seasons； I am not able to explain。 Jealousy was at the bottom of
it； I suppose。 And yet I was not conscious of being
jealousespecially when I thought of the poor creature's
miserable death。 Still； Eustace ought not to have kept _that_
secret from me； I used to think to myself； at odd times when I
was discouraged and out of temper。 What would _he_ have said if I
had been a widow； and had never told him of it？
It was getting on toward evening when I returned to the cottage。
Benjamin appeared to have been on the lookout for me。 Before I
could ring at the bell he opened the garden gate。
〃Prepare yourself for a surprise； my dear；〃 he said。 〃Your uncle；
the Reverend Doctor Starkweather； has arrived from the North； and
is waiting to see you。 He received your letter this morning； and
he took the first train to London as soon as he had read it。〃
In another minute my uncle's strong arms were round me。 In my
forlorn position； I felt the good vicar's kindness； in traveling
all the way to London to see me； very gratefully。 It brought the
tears into my eyestears； without bitterness； that did me good。
〃I have come； my dear child； to take you back to your old home；〃
he said。 〃No words can tell how fervently I wish you had never
left your aunt and me。 Well！ well！ we won't talk about it。 The
mischief is done； and the next thing is to mend it as well as we
can。 If I could only get within arm's…length of that husband of
yours； ValeriaThere！ there！ God forgive me； I am forgetting
that I am a clergyman。 What shall I forget next； I wonder？
By…the…by； your aunt sends you her dearest love。 She is more
superstitious than ever。 This miserable business doesn't surprise
her a bit。 She says it all began with your making that mistake
about your name in signing the church register。 You remember？ Was
there ever such stuff？ Ah； she's a foolish woman； that wife of
mine！ But she means wella good soul at bottom。 She would have
traveled all the way here along with me if I would have let her。
I said； 'No； you stop at home； and look after the house and the
parish； and I'll bring the child back。' You shall have your old
bedroom； Valeria； with the white curtains； you know； looped up
with blue！ We will return to the Vicarage （if you can get up in
time） by the nine…forty train to…morrow morning。〃
Return to the Vicarage！ How could I do that？ How could I hope to
gain what was now the one object of my existence if I buried
myself in a remote north…country village？ It was simply
impossible for me to accompany Doctor Starkweather on his return
to his own house。
〃I thank you； uncle； with all my heart；〃 I said。 〃But I am afraid
I can't leave London for the present。〃
〃You can't leave London for the present？〃 he repeated。 〃What does
the girl mean； Mr。 Benjamin？〃 Benjamin evaded a direct reply。
〃She is kindly welcome here； Doctor Starkweather；〃 he said； 〃as
long as she chooses to stay with me。〃
〃That's no answer；〃 retorted my uncle； in his rough…and…ready
way。 He turned to me。 〃What is there to keep you in London？〃 he
asked。 〃You used to hate London。 I suppose there is some reason？〃
It was only due to my good guardian and friend that I should take
him into my confidence sooner or later。 There was no help for it
but to rouse my courage； and tell him frankly what I had it in my
mind to do。 The vicar listened in breathless dismay。 He turned to
Benjamin； with distress as well as surprise in his face； when I
had done。
〃God help her！〃 cried the worthy man。 〃The poor thing's troubles
have turned her brain！〃
〃I thought you would disapprove of it； sir；〃 said Benjamin； in
his mild and moderate way。 〃I confess I disapprove of it myself。〃
〃'Disapprove of it' isn't the word；〃 retorted the vicar。 〃Don't
put it in that feeble way； if you please。 An act of
madnessthat's what it is； if she really mean what she says。〃 He
turned my way； and looked as he used to look at the afternoon
service when he was catechising an obstinate child。 〃You don't
mean it；〃 he said； 〃do you？〃
〃I am sorry to forfeit your good opinion； uncle；〃 I replied。 〃But
I must own that I do certainly mean it。〃
〃In plain English；〃 retorted the vicar； 〃you are conceited enough
to think that you can succeed where the greatest lawyers in
Scotland have failed。 _They_ couldn't prove this man's innocence；
all working together。 And _you_ are going to prove it
single…handed？ Upon my word； you are a wonderful woman；〃 cried my
uncle； suddenly descending from indignation
to irony。 〃May a plain country parson； who isn't used to lawyers
in petticoats； be permitted to ask how you mean to do it？〃
〃I mean to begin by reading the Trial； uncle。〃
〃Nice reading for a young woman！ You will be wanting a batch of
nasty French novels next。 Well； and when you have read the
Trialwhat then？ Have you thought of that？〃
〃Yes； uncle； I have thought of that。 I shall first try to form
some conclusion （after reading the Trial） as to the guilty person
who really committed the crime。 Then I shall make out a list of
the witnesses who spoke in my husband's defense。 I shall go to
those witnesses； and tell them who I am and what I want。 I shall
ask all sorts of questions which grave lawyers might think it
beneath their dignity to put。 I shall be guided； in what I do
next； by the answers I receive。 And I shall not be discouraged；
no matter what difficulties are thrown in my way。 Those are my
plans； uncle； so far as I know them now。〃
The vicar and Benjamin looked at each other as if they doubted
the evidence of their own senses。 The vicar spoke。
〃Do you mean to tell me；〃 he said； 〃that you are going roaming
about the country to throw yourself on the mercy of strangers；
and to risk whatever rough reception you may get in the course of
your travels？ You！ A young woman！ Deserted by your husband！ With
nobody to protect you！ Mr。 Benjamin； do you hear her？ And can you
believe your ears？ I declare to Heaven _I_ don't know whether I
am awake or dreaming。 Look at herjust look at her！ There she
sits as cool and easy as if she had said nothing at all
extraordinary； and was going to do nothing out of the common way！
What am I to do with her？that's the serious questionwhat on
earth am I to do with her？〃
〃Let me try my experiment； uncle； rash as it may look to you；〃 I
said。 〃Nothing else will comfort and support me； and God knows I
want comfort and support。 Don't think me obstinate。 I am ready to
admit that there are serious difficulties in my way。〃
The vicar resumed his ironical tone。
〃Oh！〃 he said。 〃You admit that； do you？ Well； there is something
gained； at any rate。〃
〃Many another woman before me；〃 I went on； 〃has faced serious
difficulties； and has conquered themfor the sake of the man she
loved。〃
Doctor Starkweather rose slowly to his feet； with the air of a
person whose capacity of toleration had reached its last limits。
〃Am I to understand that you are still in love with Mr。 Eustace
Macallan？〃 he asked。
〃Yes；〃 I answered。
〃The hero of the great Poison Trial？〃 pursued my uncle。 〃The man
who has deceived and deserted you？ You love him？〃
〃I love him more dearly than ever。〃
〃Mr。 Benjamin；〃 said the vicar； 〃if she recover her senses
between this and nine o'clock to…morrow morning； send her with
her luggage to Loxley's Hotel； where I am now staying。
Good…night； Valeria。 I shall consult with your aunt as to what is
to be done next。 I have no more to say。〃
〃Give me a kiss； uncle； at parting。〃
〃Oh yes； I'll give you a kiss。 Anything you like； Valeria。 I
shall be sixty…five next birthday； and I thought I knew something
of women； at my time of life。 It seems I know nothing。 Loxley's
Hotel is the address； Mr。 Benjamin。 Good…night。〃
Benjamin looked very grave when he returned to me after
accompanying Doctor Starkweather to the garden gate。
〃Pray be advised； my dear；〃 he said。 〃I don't ask you to consider
_my_ view of this matter； as good for much。 But your uncle's
opinion is surely worth considering？〃
I did not reply。 It was useless to say any more。 I made up my
mind to be misunderstood and discouraged； and to bear it。
〃Good…night； my dear old friend；〃 was all I said to Benjamin。
Then I turned awayI confess with the tears in my eyesand took
refuge in my bedroom。
The window…blind was up； and the autumn moonlight shone
brilliantly into the little room。
As I stood by the window； looking out； the memory came to me of
another moonlight night； when Eustace and I were walking together
in the Vicarage garden before our marriage。 It was the night of
which I have written； many pages back； when there were obstacles
to our union； and when Eustace had offered to release me from my
engagement to him。 I saw the dear face again looking at me in the
moonlight； I heard once more his words and m