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sound asleep。 I could creep into his room； and kiss him； and cry
over him softly； and cut off a stray lock of his hair； without
danger of discovery。 How I summoned resolution enough to leave
him is； to this hour； not clear to my mind。 I think my
mother…in…law must have helped me； without meaning to do it。 She
came into the room with an erect head and a cold eye； she said；
with an unmerciful emphasis on the word； 〃If you _mean_ to go；
Valeria； the carriage is here。〃 Any woman with a spark of spirit
in her would have 〃meant〃 it under those circumstances。 I meant
itand did it。
And then I was sorry for it。 Poor humanity！ Time has got all the
credit of being the great consoler of afflicted mortals。 In my
opinion； Time has been overrated in this matter。 Distance does
the same beneficent work far more speedily； and （when assisted by
Change） far more effectually as well。 On the railroad to Paris； I
became capable of taking a sensible view of my position。 I could
now remind myself that my husband's reception of meafter the
first surprise and the first happiness had passed awaymight not
have justified his mother's confidence in him。 Admitting that I
ran a risk in going back to Miserrimus Dexter； should I not have
been equally rash； in another way； if I had returned； uninvited；
to a husband who had declared that our conjugal happiness was
impossible； and that our married life was at an end？ Besides； who
could say that the events of the future might not y et justify
menot only to myself； but to him？ I might yet hear him say；
〃She was inquisitive when she had no business to inquire； she was
obstinate when she ought； to have listened to reason； she left my
bedside when other women would have remained； but in the end she
atoned for it allshe turned out to be right！〃
I rested a day at Paris and wrote three letters。
One to Benjamin； telling him to expect me the next evening。 One
to Mr。 Playmore； warning him； in good time； that I meant to make
a last effort to penetrate the mystery at Gleninch。 One to
Eustace （of a few lines only）； owning that I had helped to nurse
him through the dangerous part of his illness； confessing the one
reason which had prevailed with me to leave him； and entreating
him to suspend his opinion of me until time had proved that I
loved him more dearly than ever。 This last letter I inclosed to
my mother…in…law； leaving it to her discretion to choose the
right time for giving it to her son。 I positively forbade Mrs。
Macallan； however； to tell Eustace of the new tie between us。
Although he _had_ separated himself from me； I was determined
that he should not hear it from other lips than mine。 Never mind
why。 There are certain little matters which I must keep to
myself； and this is one of them。
My letters being written； my duty was done。 I was free to play my
last card in the gamethe darkly doubtful game which was neither
quite for me nor quite against me as the chances now stood。
CHAPTER XXXIX。
ON THE WAY TO DEXTER。
〃I DECLARE to Heaven； Valeria； I believe that monster's madness
is infectiousand you have caught it！〃
This was Benjamin's opinion of me （on my safe arrival at the
villa） after I had announced my intention of returning Miserrimus
Dexter's visit； in his company。
Being determined to carry my point； I could afford to try the
influence of mild persuasion。 I begged my good friend to have a
little patience with me。 〃And do remember what I have already
told you；〃 I added。 〃It is of serious importance to me to see
Dexter again。〃
I only heaped fuel on the fire。 〃See him again？〃 Benjamin
repeated indignantly。 〃See him； after he grossly insulted you；
under my roof； in this very room？ I can't be awake； I must be
asleep and dreaming！〃
It was wrong of me； I know。 But Benjamin's virtuous indignation
was so very virtuous that it let the spirit of mischief loose in
me。 I really could not resist the temptation to outrage his sense
of propriety by taking an audaciously liberal view of the whole
matter。
〃Gently； my good friend； gently；〃 I said。 〃We must make
allowances for a man who suffers under Dexter's infirmities； and
lives Dexter's life。 And really we must not let our modesty lead
us beyond reasonable limits。 I begin to think that I took rather
a prudish view of the thing myself at the time。 A woman who
respects herself； and whose whole heart is with her husband； is
not so very seriously injured when a wretched crippled creature
is rude enough to put his arm around her waist。 Virtuous
indignation （if I may venture to say so） is sometimes very cheap
indignation。 Besides； I have forgiven himand you must forgive
him too。 There is no fear of his forgetting himself again； while
you are with me。 His house is quite a curiosityit is sure to
interest you； the pictures alone are worth the journey。 I will
write to him to…day； and we will go and see him together
to…morrow。 We owe it to ourselves （if we don't owe it to Mr。
Dexter） to pay this visit。 If you will look about you； Benjamin；
you will see that benevolence toward everybody is the great
virtue of the time we live in。 Poor Mr。 Dexter must have the
benefit of the prevailing fashion。 Come； come； march with the
age！ Open your mind to the new ideas！〃
Instead of accepting this polite invitation； worthy old Benjamin
flew at the age we lived in like a bull at a red cloth。
〃Oh； the new ideas！ the new ideas！ By all manner of means；
Valeria； let us have the new ideas！ The old morality's all wrong；
the old ways are all worn out。 Let's march with the age we live
in。 Nothing comes amiss to the age we live in。 The wife in
England and the husband in Spain； married or not married living
together or not living togetherit's all one to the new ideas。
I'll go with you； Valeria； I'll be worthy of the generation I
live in。 When we have done with Dexter； don't let's do things by
halves。 Let's go and get crammed with ready made science at a
lecturelet's hear the last new professor； the man who has been
behind the scenes at Creation； and knows to a T how the world was
made； and how long it took to make it。 There's the other fellow；
too： mind we don't forget the modern Solomon； who has left his
proverbs behind himthe brand…new philosopher who considers the
consolations of religion in the light of harmless playthings； and
who is kind enough to say that he might have been all the happier
if he could only have been childish enough to play with them
himself。 Oh； the new ideas！ the new ideas！what consoling；
elevating； beautiful discoveries have been made by the new ideas！
We were all monkeys before we were men； and molecules before we
were monkeys！ and what does it matter？ And what does anything
matter to anybody？ I'm with you； Valeria； I'm ready。 The sooner
the better。 Come to Dexter！ Come to Dexter！〃
〃I am so glad you agree with me；〃 I said。 〃But let us do nothing
in a hurry。 Three o'clock to…morrow will be time enough for Mr。
Dexter。 I will write at once and tell him to expect us。 Where are
you going？〃
〃I am going to clear my mind of cant；〃 said Benjamin； sternly。 〃I
am going into the library。〃
〃What are you going to read？〃
〃I am going to readPuss in Boots； and Jack and the Bean…stalk；
and anything else I can find that doesn't march with the age we
live in。〃
With that parting shot at the new ideas； my old friend left me
for a time。
Having dispatched my note； I found myself beginning to revert；
with a certain feeling of anxiety； to the subject of Miserrimus
Dexter's health。 How had he passed through the interval of my
absence from England？ Could anybody； within my reach； tell me
news of him？ To inquire of Benjamin would only be to provoke a
new outbreak。 While I was still considering； the housekeeper
entered the room on some domestic errand。 I asked； at a venture；
if she had heard anything more； while I had been away of the
extraordinary person who had so seriously alarmed her on a former
occasion。
The housekeeper shook her head； and looked as if she thought it
in bad taste to mention the subject at all。
〃About a week after you had gone away ma'am；〃 she said； with
extreme severity of manner； and with excessive carefulness in her
choice of words； 〃the Person you mention had the impudence to
send a letter to you。 The messenger was informed； by my master's
orders； that you had gone abroad； and he and his letter were both
sent about their business together。 Not long afterward； ma'am； I
happened； while drinking tea with Mrs。 Macallan's housekeeper； to
hear of the Person again。 He himself called in his chaise； at
Mrs。 Macallan's； to inquire about you there。 How he can contrive
to sit； without legs to balance him； is beyond my
understandingbut that is neither here nor there。 Legs or no
legs； the housekeeper saw him； and she says； as I say； she will
never forget him to her dying day。 She told him （as soon as she
recovered herself） of Mr。 Eustace's illness； and of you and Mrs。
Macallan being in foreign parts nursing him。 He went away； so the
housekeeper told me； with tears in his eyes； and oaths and curses
on his lipsa sight shocking to see。 That's all I know about the
Person； ma'am； and I hope to be excused if I venture to say that