按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
do you think she will forgive me？' We can only leave it to you；
my dear； to give the answer。 If you love us； answer us by return
of post。
〃Having now told you what he said when I first informed him that
you had been his nurseand remember； if it seem very little；
that he is still too weak to speak except with difficultyI
shall purposely keep my letter back for a few days。 My object is
to give him time to think； and to frankly tell you of it if the
interval produce any change in his resolution。
〃Three days have passed； and there is no change。 He has but one
feeling nowhe longs for the day which is to unite him again to
his wife。
〃But there is something else connected with Eustace that you
ought to know； and that I ought to tell you。
〃Greatly as time and suffering have altered him in many respects；
there is no change； Valeria； in the aversionthe horror I may
even saywith which he views your idea of inquiring anew into
the circumstances which attended the lamentable death of his
first wife。 It makes no difference to him that you are only
animated by a desire to serve his interests。 'Has she given up
that idea？ Are you positively sure she has given up that idea？'
Over and over again he has put these questions to me。 I have
answeredwhat else could I do in the miserably feeble state in
which he still lies？I have answered in such a manner as to
soothe and satisfy him。 I have said； 'Relieve your mind of all
anxiety on that subject： Valeria has no choice but to give up the
idea； the obstacles in her way have proved to be
insurmountablethe obstacles have conquered her。' This； if you
remember； was what I really believed would happen when you and I
spoke of that painful topic； and I have heard nothing from you
since which has tended to shake my opinion in the smallest
degree。 If I am right （as I pray God I may be） in the view that I
take； you h ave only to confirm me in your reply； and all will be
well。 In the other eventthat is to say； if you are still
determined to persevere in your hopeless projectthen make up
your mind to face the result。 Set Eustace's prejudices at
defiance in this particular； and you lose your hold on his
gratitude； his penitence； and his loveyou will； in my belief；
never see him again。
〃I express myself strongly； in your own interests； my dear； and
for your own sake。 When you reply； write a few lines to Eustace；
inclosed in your letter to me。
〃As for the date of our departure； it is still impossible for me
to give you any definite information。 Eustace recovers very
slowly； the doctor has not yet allowed him to leave his bed； and
when we do travel we must journey by easy stages。 It will be at
least six weeks； at the earliest； before we can hope to be back
again in dear Old England。
〃Affectionately yours；
〃CATHERINE MACALLAN。〃
I laid down the letter； and did my best （vainly enough for some
time） to compose my spirits。 To understand the position in which
I now found myself； it is only necessary to remember one
circumstance： the messenger to whom we had committed our
inquiries was at that moment crossing the Atlantic on his way to
New York。
What was to be done？
I hesitated。 Shocking as it may seem to some people； I hesitated。
There was really no need to hurry my decision。 I had the whole
day before me。
I went out and took a wretched； lonely walk； and turned the
matter over in my mind。 I came home again； and turned the matter
over once more by the fireside。 To offend and repel my darling
when he was returning to me； penitently returning of his own free
will； was what no woman in my position； and feeling as I did；
could under any earthly circumstances have brought herself to do。
And yet。 on the other hand； how in Heaven's name could I give up
my grand enterprise at the very time when even wise and prudent
Mr。 Playmore saw such a prospect of succeeding in it that he had
actually volunteered to help me？ Placed between those two cruel
alternatives； which could I choose？ Think of your own frailties；
and have some mercy on mine。 I turned my back on both the
alternatives。 Those two agreeable fiends； Prevarication and
Deceit； took me； as it were； softly by the hand： 〃Don't commit
yourself either way； my dear；〃 they said； in their most
persuasive manner。 〃Write just enough to compose your
mother…in…law and to satisfy your husband。 You have got time
before you。 Wait and see if Time doesn't stand your friend； and
get you out of the difficulty。〃
Infamous advice！ And yet I took itI； who had been well brought
up； and who ought to have known better。 You who read this
shameful confession would have known better； I am sure。 _You_ are
not included； in the Prayer…book category； among the 〃miserable
sinners。〃
Well！ well！ let me have virtue enough to tell the truth。 In
writing to my mother…in…law； I informed her that it had been
found necessary to remove Miserrimus Dexter to an asylumand I
left her to draw her own conclusions from that fact；
unenlightened by so much as one word of additional information。
In the same way； I told my husband a part of the truth； and no
more。 I said I forgave him with all my heartand I did！ I said
he had only to come to me； and I would receive him with open
armsand so I would！ As for the rest； let me say with
Hamlet〃The rest is silence。〃
Having dispatched my unworthy letters； I found myself growing
restless； and feeling the want of a change。 It would be necessary
to wait at least eight or nine days before we could hope to hear
by telegraph from New York。 I bade farewell for a time to my dear
and admirable Benjamin； and betook myself to my old home in the
North； at the vicarage of my uncle Starkweather。 My journey to
Spain to nurse Eustace had made my peace with my worthy
relatives； we had exchanged friendly letters； and I had promised
to be their guest as soon as it was possible for me to leave
London。
I passed a quiet and （all things considered） a happy time among
the old scenes。 I visited once more the bank by the river…side；
where Eustace and I had first met。 I walked again on the lawn and
loitered through the shrubberythose favorite haunts in which we
had so often talked over our troubles； and so often forgotten
them in a kiss。 How sadly and strangely had our lives been parted
since that time！ How uncertain still was the fortune which the
future had in store for us！
The associations amid which I was now living had their softening
effect on my heart； their elevating influence over my mind。 I
reproached myself； bitterly reproached myself； for not having
written more fully and frankly to Eustace。 Why had I hesitated to
sacrifice to him my hopes and my interests in the coming
investigation？ _He_ had not hesitated； poor fellow_his_ first
thought was the thought of his wife！
I had passed a fortnight with my uncle and aunt before I heard
again from Mr。 Playmore。 When a letter from him arrived at last；
it disappointed me indescribably。 A telegram from our messenger
informed us that the lodge…keeper's daughter and her husband had
left New York； and that he was still in search of a trace of
them。
There was nothing to be done but to wait as patiently as we
could； on the chance of hearing better news。 I remained in the
North； by Mr。 Playmore's advice； so as to be within an easy
journey to Edinburghin case it might be necessary for me to
consult him personally。 Three more weeks of weary expectation
passed before a second letter reached me。 This time it was
impossible to say whether the news were good or bad。 It might
have been eitherit was simply bewildering。 Even Mr。 Playmore
himself was taken by surprise。 These were the last wonderful
wordslimited of course by considerations of economywhich
reached us （by telegram） from our agent in America：
〃Open the dust…heap at Gleninch。〃
CHAPTER XLIII。
AT LAST！
MY letter from Mr。 Playmore； inclosing the agent's extraordinary
telegram； was not inspired by the sanguine view of our prospects
which he had expressed to me when we met at Benjamin's house。
〃If the telegram mean anything；〃 he wrote； 〃it means that the
fragments of the torn letter have been cast into the housemaid's
bucket （along with the dust； the ashes； and the rest of the
litter in the room）； and have been emptied on the dust…heap at
Gleninch。 Since this was done； the accumulated refuse collected
from the periodical cleansings of the house； during a term of
nearly three yearsincluding； of course； the ashes from the
fires kept burning； for the greater part of the year； in the
library and the picture…galleryhave been poured upon the heap；
and have buried the precious morsels of paper deeper and deeper；
day by day。 Even if we have a fair chance of finding these
fragments； what hope can we feel； at this distance of time； of
recovering them with the writing in a state of preservation？ I
shall be glad to hear； by return of post if possible； how the
matter strikes you。 If you could make it convenient to consult
with me personally in Edinburgh； we should save time； when time
may be of serious importance to us。 While you are at Doctor
Starkweather's you are within easy re