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Enter OLIVIA and MALVOLIO
CLOWN。 Wit； an't be thy will； put me into good fooling！ Those wits
that think they have thee do very oft prove fools； and I that am sure I lack
thee may pass for a wise man。 For what says Quinapalus？ 'Better a witty
fool than a foolish wit。' God bless thee； lady！ OLIVIA。 Take the fool away。
CLOWN。 Do you not hear； fellows？ Take away the lady。 OLIVIA。 Go to；
y'are a dry fool； I'll no more of you。 Besides； you grow dishonest。
CLOWN。 Two faults； madonna； that drink and good counsel will amend；
for give the dry fool drink； then is the fool not dry。 Bid the dishonest man
mend himself： if he mend； he is no longer dishonest； if he cannot； let the
botcher mend him。 Anything that's mended is but patch'd； virtue that
transgresses is but patch'd with sin； and sin that amends is but patch'd with
virtue。 If that this simple syllogism will serve； so； if it will not； what
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
remedy？ As there is no true cuckold but calamity； so beauty's a flower。 The
lady bade take away the fool； therefore； I say again； take her away。
OLIVIA。 Sir； I bade them take away you。 CLOWN。 Misprision in the
highest degree！ Lady； 'Cucullus non facit monachum'； that's as much to
say as I wear not motley in my brain。 Good madonna； give me leave to
prove you a fool。 OLIVIA。 Can you do it？ CLOWN。 Dexteriously； good
madonna。 OLIVIA。 Make your proof。 CLOWN。 I must catechize you for
it； madonna。 Good my mouse of virtue； answer me。 OLIVIA。 Well； sir； for
want of other idleness； I'll bide your proof。 CLOWN。 Good madonna； why
mourn'st thou？ OLIVIA。 Good fool； for my brother's death。 CLOWN。 I
think his soul is in hell； madonna。 OLIVIA。 I know his soul is in heaven；
fool。 CLOWN。 The more fool； madonna； to mourn for your brother's soul
being in heaven。 Take away the fool； gentlemen。 OLIVIA。 What think you
of this fool； Malvolio？ Doth he not mend？ MALVOLIO。 Yes； and shall do；
till the pangs of death shake him。 Infirmity； that decays the wise； doth ever
make the better fool。 CLOWN。 God send you； sir； a speedy infirmity； for
the better increasing your folly！ Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox；
but he will not pass his word for twopence that you are no fool。 OLIVIA。
How say you to that； Malvolio？ MALVOLIO。 I marvel your ladyship
takes delight in such a barren rascal； I saw him put down the other day
with an ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone。 Look you now；
he's out of his guard already； unless you laugh and minister occasion to
him； he is gagg'd。 I protest I take these wise men that crow so at these set
kind of fools no better than the fools' zanies。 OLIVIA。 O； you are sick of
self…love； Malvolio； and taste with a distemper'd appetite。 To be generous；
guiltless； and of free disposition； is to take those things for bird…bolts that
you deem cannon bullets。 There is no slander in an allow'd fool； though he
do nothing but rail； nor no railing in known discreet man； though he do
nothing but reprove。 CLOWN。 Now Mercury endue thee with leasing； for
thou speak'st well of fools！
Re…enter MARIA
MARIA。 Madam； there is at the gate a young gentleman much
desires to speak with you。 OLIVIA。 From the Count Orsino； is it？ MARIA。
I know not； madam； 'tis a fair young man； and well attended。 OLIVIA。
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
Who of my people hold him in delay？ MARIA。 Sir Toby； madam； your
kinsman。 OLIVIA。 Fetch him off； I pray you； he speaks nothing but
madman。 Fie on him！ ＇Exit MARIA＇ Go you； Malvolio： if it be a suit from
the Count； I am sick； or not at home… what you will to dismiss it。 ＇Exit
MALVOLIO＇ Now you see； sir； how your fooling grows old； and people
dislike it。 CLOWN。 Thou hast spoke for us； madonna； as if thy eldest son
should be a fool； whose skull Jove cram with brains！ For… here he comes…
one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater。
Enter SIR TOBY
OLIVIA。 By mine honour； half drunk！ What is he at the gate； cousin？
SIR TOBY。 A gentleman。 OLIVIA。 A gentleman！ What gentleman？ SIR
TOBY。 'Tis a gentleman here。 ＇Hiccups＇ A plague o' these pickle…herring！
How now； sot！ CLOWN。 Good Sir Toby！ OLIVIA。 Cousin； cousin； how
have you come so early by this lethargy？ SIR TOBY。 Lechery！ I defy
lechery。 There's one at the gate。 OLIVIA。 Ay； marry； what is he？ SIR
TOBY。 Let him be the devil an he will； I care not； give me faith； say I。
Well； it's all one。 Exit OLIVIA。 What's a drunken man like； fool？ CLOWN。
Like a drown'd man； a fool； and a madman： one draught above heat makes
him a fool； the second mads him； and a third drowns him。 OLIVIA。 Go
thou and seek the crowner； and let him sit o' my coz； for he's in the third
degree of drink； he's drown'd； go look after him。 CLOWN。 He is but mad
yet； madonna； and the fool shall look to the madman。 Exit
Re…enter MALVOLIO
MALVOLIO。 Madam； yond young fellow swears he will speak with
you。 I told him you were sick； he takes on him to understand so much； and
therefore comes to speak with you。 I told him you were asleep； he seems
to have a foreknowledge of that too； and therefore comes to speak with
you。 What is to be said to him； lady？ He's fortified against any denial。
OLIVIA。 Tell him he shall not speak with me。 MALVOLIO。 Has been told
so； and he says he'll stand at your door like a sheriff's post； and be the
supporter to a bench； but he'll speak with you。 OLIVIA。 What kind o' man
is he？ MALVOLIO。 Why； of mankind。 OLIVIA。 What manner of man？
MALVOLIO。 Of very ill manner； he'll speak with you； will you or no。
OLIVIA。 Of what personage and years is he？ MALVOLIO。 Not yet old
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
enough for a man； nor young enough for a boy； as a squash is before 'tis a
peascod； or a codling when 'tis almost an apple； 'tis with him in standing
water； between boy and man。 He is very well…favour'd； and he speaks very
shrewishly； one would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him。
OLIVIA。 Let him approach。 Call in my gentlewoman。 MALVOLIO。
Gentlewoman； my lady calls。 Exit
Re…enter MARIA
OLIVIA。 Give me my veil； come； throw it o'er my face； We'll once
more hear Orsino's embassy。
Enter VIOLA
VIOLA。 The honourable lady of the house； which is she？ OLIVIA。
Speak to me； I shall answer for her。 Your will？ VIOLA。 Most radiant；
exquisite； and unmatchable beauty… I pray you tell me if this be the lady of
the house； for I never saw her。 I would be loath to cast away my speech；
for； besides that it is excellently well penn'd； I have taken great pains to
con it。 Good beauties； let me sustain no scorn； I am very comptible； even
to the least sinister usage。 OLIVIA。 Whence came you； sir？ VIOLA。 I can
say little more than I have studied； and that question's out of my part。
Good gentle one； give me modest assurance if you be the lady of the house；
that I may proceed in my speech。 OLIVIA。 Are you a comedian？ VIOLA。
No； my profound heart； and yet； by the very fangs of malice I swear； I am
not that I play。 Are you the lady of the house？
OLIVIA。 If I do not usurp myself； I am。 VIOLA。 Most certain； if you
are she； you do usurp yourself； for what is yours to bestow is not yours to
reserve。 But this is from my commission。 I will on with my speech in your
praise； and then show you the heart of my message。 OLIVIA。 Come to
what is important in't。 I forgive you the praise。 VIOLA。 Alas； I took great
pains to study it； and 'tis poetical。 OLIVIA。 It is the more like to be
feigned； I pray you keep it in。 I heard you were saucy at my gates； and
allow'd your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you。 If you be
not mad； be gone； if you have reason； be brief； 'tis not that time of moon
with me to make one in so skipping dialogue。 MARIA。 Will you hoist sail；
sir？ Here lies your way。 VIOLA。 No； good swabber； I am to hull here a
little longer。 Some mollification for your giant； sweet lady。 OLIVIA。 Tell