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d many are the imprudent who have over…estimated their strength and perished there in the midst of indifference and contempt。
Everything urged Balzac towards a notary's career。 The family fortune had diminished； the father had been placed upon the retired list； he had lost money in investments； it was absolutely necessary to cut down expenses； and Honore； as the oldest son； was expected to make a position for himself rapidly。 Why did he hesitate to come to a decision and gratefully accept the proposition made by his father？ The family brought pressure to bear； yet Honore continued to say； 〃No； I will not be a notary。〃 It was considered nothing less than scandalous。 His mother reproached him for his ingratitude and warned him that he was driving her to despair。 She was ashamed of a son who repaid the sacrifices they had made to educate him with such a want of proper feeling。 Yet Honore persisted in his attitude of revolt； Honore； who throughout his childhood and youth had hitherto always submitted docilely to all the rules and commands of the family。 〃No； I will not be a notary；I wish to become an author；a celebrated author。〃 They laughed at him。 What promise of talent had he ever given to justify such absurd pretensions？ Was it those wretched scribblings which had formerly caused so much merriment that now inspired him with such pride？ Very well！ he must simply get over it。 His little absurdities were all very funny； when he was at the age of frivolity and nonsense； but now that he had come to years of discretion； it was time he learned that life was not play： 〃So； my boy； you will be a notary。〃 〃No；〃 repeats Honore； 〃I shall not。〃 His black eyes flash； his thick lips tremble； and he pleads his cause before the family tribunal； the cause of his genius which no one else has recognised and which he himself perceives only confusedly within him。
〃From childhood I looked upon myself as foreordained to be a great man；〃 he wrote in The Magic Skin； 〃I struck my brow like Andre Chenier； 'There is something inside there！' I seemed to feel within me a thought to be expressed； a system to be established； a science to be expounded。 I often thought of myself as a general； or an emperor。 Sometimes I was Byron； and then again I was nothing。 After having sported upon the pinnacle of human affairs； I discovered that all the mountains； all the real difficulties still remained to be surmounted。 The measureless self…esteem which seethed within me； the sublime belief in destiny； which perhaps evolves into genius if a man does not allow his soul to be torn to tatters by contact with business interests； as easily as a sheep leaves its wool on the thorns of the thicket through which it passes；all this was my salvation。 I wished only to work in silence； to crown myself with glory； the one mistress whom I hoped some day to attain。〃
What he actually said lacked the precision and the form of these phrases； but he was eloquent； and his father； who had no reason to suppose that he had an imbecile for a son； was the first to yield； in a measure； to his arguments。 His mother still resisted； frightened at the risks he must run； far from convinced by his words； and without confidence in the future。 Nevertheless； she was forced to yield。 It was decided to try an experiment；but it was to be kept a close secret； because their friends would never have finished laughing at such parental weakness。 Two years were accorded to Honore； within which to give some real proof of his talent。 Hereupon he became joyously expansive； he was sure that he would triumph； that he would bring back a masterpiece to submit to the judgment of his assembled family and friends。 But； since a failure was possible and they wished to guard themselves from such a mortification； his acquaintances were to be told that Honore was at Albi； visiting a cousin。 Furthermore； in the hope of bringing him back to the straight path； through the pinch of poverty； his mother insisted that nothing more should be granted him than an annual allowance of fifteen hundred francs （less than 300 dollars）； and that he should meet all his needs out of this sum。 Honore would have accepted a bare and penniless liberty with equal fervour and enthusiasm。
For the sake of economy； the Balzac family decided upon a provincial life； and removed to Villeparisis； in the department of Seine…et…Oise； where they secured a small yet comfortable bourgeois house。 This was in the early months of 1819； Honore； at the age of twenty…one； was left alone in Paris。
They had installed him in a garret； high up under a mansarde roof； in the Rue Lesdiguieres； No。 9； and it was he himself who chose this lodging because of the ease with which he could reach the Arsenal library during the daytime； while at night he would stay at home and work。
Ah； what a long； deep breath he drew； and how heartily he laughed his silent； inward laugh； as he stood with crossed arms and let his black eyes make inspection of his cramped and miserable dwelling。 He was free； free！ Here was his desk； covered with brown leather； his ink and pens； here were four chairs and a cupboard in which to hang his clothes and store away a few plates and his precious coffee pot； there was his monastic bed； and beyond it some shelves nailed to the wall to hold his books。 He sat down and dreamed； for he had just won his first victory； he was no longer accountable to anyone in the world for each and every hour of his life。
〃I rejoiced；〃 he has written in The Magic Skin； 〃at the thought that I was going to live upon bread and milk； like a hermit in the Thebiade； plunged in the world of books and ideas； in an inaccessible sphere； in the midst of all the tumult of Paris； the sphere of work and of silence； in which； after the manner of a chrysalis； I was about to build myself a tomb； in order to emerge again brilliant and glorious。〃 Next； he calculates what his expenses were during this studious retreat： 〃Three cents' worth of bread； two of milk； three of sausage prevented me from dying of hunger and kept my mind in a lucid condition。。。 My lodgings cost me three cents a day； I burned three cents' worth of oil per night； I did my own housework； I wore flannel night…shirts； in order to cut down my laundry bill to two cents a day。 I warmed my room with coal instead of wood； for I found that the cost divided by the number of days in the year never exceeded two cents。 I had a supply of suits； underclothing and shoes sufficient to last a year； and I did not need to dress excepting to go to the libraries and do a few errands。 The sum total of these expenses amounted to only eighteen cents； which left me two cents over for emergencies。〃 Balzac somewhat exaggerates his poverty and reduces his expenses to suit the pleasure of his poetic fantasy； but undoubtedly it was a brusque transition from the bourgeois comfort of family life to the austerity of his garret。
Nevertheless； he was exuberant and joyous；as irresponsible as a young colt freshly turned out to pasture。 His sister Laure； now living at Villeparisis with her parents； continued to receive his confidences。 He wrote her the most minute details of his solitary existence；jesting and burlesquing in a vein of frank and familiar humour。
〃You ask； my dear sister； for details of my domestic arrangements and manner of living； well； here they are：
〃I wrote directly to mamma； in regard to the cost of my purchases；a little subterfuge to get an increased allowance；but now you are going to tremble： it is much worse than a purchase；I have acquired a servant！
〃'A servant！ What are you thinking of； my brother？'
〃Yes； a servant。 He has as odd a name as the servant of Dr。 Nacquart （Balzac's physician）； his is called Tranquil； mine is called Myself。 A bad bargain； beyond question！ Myself is lazy； awkward； and improvident。 When his master is hungry or thirsty； he sometimes has neither bread nor water to offer him； he does not even know how to protect him from the wind which blows in through door and window； as Tulou blows upon his flute； but less agreeably。
〃As soon as I am awake； I ring for Myself； and he makes up my bed。 Then he starts in sweeping； but he is far from expert in that line of exercise。
〃'Myself！'
〃'What do you wish； sir？'
〃'Look at that spider's…web； where that big fly is buzzing loud enough to deafen me！ Look at the sweepings scattered under the bed！ Look at the dust on the window…panes； so thick that I can hardly see！'
〃'But Monsieur； I do not see 。 。 。'
〃'Come； hold your tongue！ No answering back！'
〃Accordingly； he holds his tongue。
〃He brushes my coat and he sweeps my room while he sings； and he sings while he sweeps； laughs while he talks； and talks while he laughs。 All things considered； he is a good lad。 He has carefully put away my linen in the wardrobe beside the chimney； after first lining it with white paper； out of six cents' worth of blue paper； with the border thrown in； he has made me a screen。 He has painted the room white； from the book…shelves to the chimney。 When he ceases to be satisfied；a thing which has not yet occurred；I shall send him to Villeparisis； to get some fruit； or else to Albi to see how my cousin is。〃 （April 12； 1819。）
Honore de Balzac was intoxicated with his libe