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sensation； Or p'raps I should in justice say … To what in an Adelphi play Is
known as 〃situation。〃
He passed his time designing traps To flurry unsuspicious chaps … The
taste was his innately； He couldn't walk into a room Without ejaculating
〃Boom！〃 Which startled ladies greatly。
He'd wear a mask and muffling cloak； Not； you will understand； in
joke； As some assume disguises； He did it； actuated by A simple love of
mystery And fondness for surprises。
I need not say he loved a maid … His eloquence threw into shade All
others who adored her。 The maid； though pleased at first； I know； Found；
after several years or so； Her startling lover bored her。
So； when his orders came to sail； She did not faint or scream or wail；
Or with her tears anoint him： She shook his hand； and said 〃Good…bye；〃
With laughter dancing in her eye … Which seemed to disappoint him。
But ere he went aboard his boat； He placed around her little throat A
ribbon； blue and yellow； On which he hung a double…tooth … A simple
token this； in sooth … 'Twas all he had； poor fellow！
〃I often wonder；〃 he would say； When very； very far away； 〃If
ANGELINA wears it？ A plan has entered in my head： I will pretend that I
am dead； And see how ANGY bears it。〃
The news he made a messmate tell。 His ANGELINA bore it well； No
sign gave she of crazing； But； steady as the Inchcape Rock； His
ANGELINA stood the shock With fortitude amazing。
She said； 〃Some one I must elect Poor ANGELINA to protect From all
who wish to harm her。 Since worthy CAPTAIN TODD is dead； I rather
feel inclined to wed A comfortable farmer。〃
A comfortable farmer came （BASSANIO TYLER was his name）； Who
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had no end of treasure。 He said； 〃My noble gal； be mine！〃 The noble gal
did not decline； But simply said； 〃With pleasure。〃
When this was told to CAPTAIN TODD； At first he thought it rather
odd； And felt some perturbation； But very long he did not grieve； He
thought he could a way perceive To SUCH a situation！
〃I'll not reveal myself；〃 said he； 〃Till they are both in the Ecclesiastical
arena； Then suddenly I will appear； And paralysing them with fear；
Demand my ANGELINA！〃
At length arrived the wedding day； Accoutred in the usual way
Appeared the bridal body； The worthy clergyman began； When in the
gallant Captain ran And cried； 〃Behold your TODDY！〃
The bridegroom； p'raps； was terrified； And also possibly the bride …
The bridesmaids WERE affrighted； But ANGELINA； noble soul；
Contrived her feelings to control； And really seemed delighted。
〃My bride！〃 said gallant CAPTAIN TODD； 〃She's mine； uninteresting
clod！ My own； my darling charmer！〃 〃Oh dear；〃 said she； 〃you're just too
late … I'm married to； I beg to state； This comfortable farmer！〃
〃Indeed；〃 the farmer said； 〃she's mine： You've been and cut it far too
fine！〃 〃I see；〃 said TODD； 〃I'm beaten。〃 And so he went to sea once more；
〃Sensation〃 he for aye forswore； And married on her native shore A lady
whom he'd met before … A lovely Otaheitan。
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Ballad： Tempora Mutantur
Letters； letters； letters； letters！ Some that please and some that bore；
Some that threaten prison fetters （Metaphorically； fetters Such as bind
insolvent debtors） … Invitations by the score。
One from COGSON； WILES； and RAILER； My attorneys； off the
Strand； One from COPPERBLOCK； my tailor … My unreasonable tailor …
One in FLAGG'S disgusting hand。
One from EPHRAIM and MOSES； Wanting coin without a doubt； I
should like to pull their noses … Their uncompromising noses； One from
ALICE with the roses … Ah； I know what that's about ！
Time was when I waited； waited For the missives that she wrote；
Humble postmen execrated … Loudly； deeply execrated … When I heard I
wasn't fated To be gladdened with a note！
Time was when I'd not have bartered Of her little pen a dip For a
peerage duly gartered … For a peerage starred and gartered … With a palace…
office chartered； Or a Secretaryship。
But the time for that is over； And I wish we'd never met。 I'm afraid I've
proved a rover … I'm afraid a heartless rover … Quarters in a place like
Dover Tend to make a man forget。
Bills for carriages and horses； Bills for wine and light cigar； Matters
that concern the Forces … News that may affect the Forces … News affecting
my resources； Much more interesting are！
And the tiny little paper； With the words that seem to run From her
little fingers taper （They are very small and taper）； By the tailor and the
draper Are in interest outdone。
And unopened it's remaining！ I can read her gentle hope … Her
entreaties； uncomplaining （She was always uncomplaining）； Her devotion
never waning … Through the little envelope！
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Ballad： At A Pantomime。 By A
Bilious One
An Actor sits in doubtful gloom； His stock…in…trade unfurled； In a
damp funereal dressing…room In the Theatre Royal； World。
He comes to town at Christmas…time； And braves its icy breath； To
play in that favourite pantomime； HARLEQUIN LIFE AND DEATH。
A hoary flowing wig his weird Unearthly cranium caps； He hangs a
long benevolent beard On a pair of empty chaps。
To smooth his ghastly features down The actor's art he cribs； … A long
and a flowing padded gown。 Bedecks his rattling ribs。
He cries； 〃Go on … begin； begin！ Turn on the light of lime … I'm dressed
for jolly Old Christmas； in A favourite pantomime！〃
The curtain's up … the stage all black … Time and the year nigh sped …
Time as an advertising quack … The Old Year nearly dead。
The wand of Time is waved； and lo！ Revealed Old Christmas stands；
And little children chuckle and crow； And laugh and clap their hands。
The cruel old scoundrel brightens up At the death of the Olden Year；
And he waves a gorgeous golden cup； And bids the world good cheer。
The little ones hail the festive King； … No thought can make them sad。
Their laughter comes with a sounding ring； They clap and crow like mad！
They only see in the humbug old A holiday every year； And handsome
gifts； and joys untold； And unaccustomed cheer。
The old ones； palsied； blear； and hoar； Their breasts in anguish beat …
They've seen him seventy times before； How well they know the cheat！
They've seen that ghastly pantomime； They've felt its blighting breath；
They know that rollicking Christmas…time Meant Cold and Want and
Death； …
Starvation … Poor Law Union fare … And deadly cramps and chills； And
illness … illness everywhere； And crime； and Christmas bills。
They know Old Christmas well； I ween； Those men of ripened age；
They've often； often； often seen That Actor off the stage！
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They see in his gay rotundity A clumsy stuffed…out dress … They see in
the cup he waves on high A tinselled emptiness。
Those aged men so lean and wan； They've seen it all before； They
know they'll see the charlatan But twice or three times more。
And so they bear with dance and song； And crimson foil and green；
They wearily sit； and grimly long For the Transformation Scene。
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Ballad： King Borria Bungalee Boo
KING BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was a man…eating African swell；
His sigh was a hullaballoo； His whisper a horrible yell … A horrible；
horrible yell！
Four subjects； and all of them male； To BORRIA doubled the knee；
They were once on a far larger scale； But he'd eaten the balance； you see
（〃Scale〃 and 〃balance〃 is punning； you see）。
There was haughty PISH…TUSH…POOH…BAH； There