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him sergeant on the spot … The Men of London's pet！
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： Ben Allah Achmet； … Or；
The Fatal Tum
I once did know a Turkish man Whom I upon a two…pair…back met； His
name it was EFFENDI KHAN BACKSHEESH PASHA BEN ALLAH
ACHMET。
A DOCTOR BROWN I also knew … I've often eaten of his bounty； The
Turk and he they lived at Hooe； In Sussex； that delightful county！
I knew a nice young lady there； Her name was EMILY
MACPHERSON； And though she wore another's hair； She was an
interesting person。
The Turk adored the maid of Hooe （Although his harem would have
shocked her）。 But BROWN adored that maiden too： He was a most
seductive doctor。
They'd follow her where'er she'd go … A course of action most improper；
She neither knew by sight； and so For neither of them cared a copper。
BROWN did not know that Turkish male； He might have been his
sainted mother： The people in this simple tale Are total strangers to each
other。
One day that Turk he sickened sore； And suffered agonies oppressive；
He threw himself upon the floor And rolled about in pain excessive。
It made him moan； it made him groan； And almost wore him to a
mummy。 Why should I hesitate to own That pain was in his little tummy？
At length a doctor came； and rung （As ALLAH ACHMET had desired）；
Who felt his pulse； looked up his tongue； And hemmed and hawed； and
then inquired：
〃Where is the pain that long has preyed Upon you in so sad a way；
sir？〃 The Turk he giggled； blushed； and said： I don't exactly like to say；
sir。〃
〃Come； nonsense！〃 said good DOCTOR BROWN。 〃So this is Turkish
coyness； is it？ You must contrive to fight it down … Come； come； sir； please
to be explicit。〃
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The Bab Ballads
The Turk he shyly bit his thumb； And coyly blushed like one half…
witted； 〃The pain is in my little tum；〃 He； whispering； at length admitted。
〃Then take you this； and take you that … Your blood flows sluggish in
its channel … You must get rid of all this fat； And wear my medicated
flannel。
〃You'll send for me when you're in need … My name is BROWN … your
life I've saved it。〃 〃My rival！〃 shrieked the invalid； And drew a mighty
sword and waved it：
〃This to thy weazand； Christian pest！〃 Aloud the Turk in frenzy yelled
it； And drove right through the doctor's chest The sabre and the hand that
held it。
The blow was a decisive one； And DOCTOR BROWN grew deadly
pasty； 〃Now see the mischief that you've done … You Turks are so
extremely hasty。
〃There are two DOCTOR BROWNS in Hooe … HE'S short and stout；
I'M tall and wizen； You've been and run the wrong one through； That's
how the error has arisen。〃
The accident was thus explained； Apologies were only heard now： 〃At
my mistake I'm really pained … I am； indeed … upon my word now。
〃With me； sir； you shall be interred； A mausoleum grand awaits me。〃
〃Oh； pray don't say another word； I'm sure that more than compensates
me。
〃But p'r'aps； kind Turk； you're full inside？〃 〃There's room；〃 said he；
〃for any number。〃 And so they laid them down and died。 In proud
Stamboul they sleep their slumber；
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： The Three Kings Of
Chickeraboo
There were three niggers of Chickeraboo … PACIFICO； BANG…BANG；
POPCHOP … who Exclaimed； one terribly sultry day； 〃Oh； let's be kings in
a humble way。〃
The first was a highly…accomplished 〃bones；〃 The next elicited banjo
tones； The third was a quiet； retiring chap； Who danced an excellent break…
down 〃flap。〃
〃We niggers；〃 said they； 〃have formed a plan By which； whenever we
like； we can Extemporise kingdoms near the beach； And then we'll collar a
kingdom each。
〃Three casks； from somebody else's stores； Shall represent our island
shores； Their sides the ocean wide shall lave； Their heads just topping the
briny wave。
〃Great Britain's navy scours the sea； And everywhere her ships they be；
She'll recognise our rank； perhaps； When she discovers we're Royal
Chaps。
〃If to her skirts you want to cling； It's quite sufficient that you're a king；
She does not push inquiry far To learn what sort of king you are。〃
A ship of several thousand tons； And mounting seventy…something
guns； Ploughed； every year； the ocean blue； Discovering kings and
countries new。
The brave REAR…ADMIRAL BAILEY PIP； Commanding that
magnificent ship； Perceived one day； his glasses through； The kings that
came from Chickeraboo。
〃Dear eyes！〃 said ADMIRAL PIP； 〃I see Three flourishing islands on
our lee。 And； bless me！ most remarkable thing！ On every island stands a
king！
〃Come； lower the Admiral's gig；〃 he cried； 〃And over the dancing
waves I'll glide； That low obeisance I may do To those three kings of
Chickeraboo！〃
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The Bab Ballads
The Admiral pulled to the islands three； The kings saluted him
graciousLEE。 The Admiral； pleased at his welcome warm； Unrolled a
printed Alliance form。
〃Your Majesty； sign me this； I pray … I come in a friendly kind of way …
I come； if you please； with the best intents； And QUEEN VICTORIA'S
compliments。〃
The kings were pleased as they well could be； The most retiring of the
three； In a 〃cellar…flap〃 to his joy gave vent With a banjo…bones
accompaniment。
The great REAR…ADMIRAL BAILEY PIP Embarked on board his
jolly big ship； Blue Peter flew from his lofty fore； And off he sailed to his
native shore。
ADMIRAL PIP directly went To the Lord at the head of the
Government； Who made him； by a stroke of a quill； BARON DE PIPPE；
OF PIPPETONNEVILLE。
The College of Heralds permission yield That he should quarter upon
his shield Three islands； VERT； on a field of blue； With the pregnant motto
〃Chickeraboo。〃
Ambassadors； yes； and attaches； too； Are going to sail for Chickeraboo。
And； see； on the good ship's crowded deck； A bishop； who's going out
there on spec。
And let us all hope that blissful things May come of alliance with
darky kings； And； may we never； whatever we do； Declare a war with
Chickeraboo！
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： Joe Golightly … Or； The
First Lord's Daughter
A tar； but poorly prized； Long； shambling； and unsightly； Thrashed；
bullied； and despised； Was wretched JOE GOLIGHTLY。
He bore a workhouse brand； No Pa or Ma had claimed him； The
Beadle found him； and The Board of Guardians named him。
P'r'aps some Princess's son … A beggar p'r'aps his mother。 HE rather
thought the one； I rather think the other。
He liked his ship at sea； He loved the salt sea…water； He worshipped
junk； and he Adored the First Lord's daughter。
The First Lord's daughter； proud； Snubbed Earls and Viscounts nightly；
She sneered at Barts。 aloud； And spurned poor Joe Golightly。
Whene'er he sailed afar Upon a Channel cruise； he Unpacked his light
guitar And sang this ballad （Boosey）：
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： The wind blows towards
the lee； Willow！ But though I sigh and
sob and cry； No Lady Jane for me；
Willow！
She says； 〃'Twere folly quite； Willow！ For me to wed a wight； Willow！
Whose lot is cast before the mast〃； And possibly she's right； Willow！
His skipper （CAPTAIN JOYCE）； He gave him many a rating； And
almos