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GENERAL JOHN was a soldier tried； A chief of warlike dons； A
haughty stride and a withering pride Were MAJOR…GENERAL JOHN'S。
A sneer would play on his martial phiz； Superior birth to show； 〃Pish！〃
was a favourite word of his； And he often said 〃Ho！ ho！〃
FULL…PRIVATE JAMES described might be； As a man of a mournful
mind； No characteristic trait had he Of any distinctive kind。
From the ranks； one day； cried PRIVATE JAMES； 〃Oh！ MAJOR…
GENERAL JOHN； I've doubts of our respective names； My mournful
mind upon。
〃A glimmering thought occurs to me （Its source I can't unearth）； But
I've a kind of a notion we Were cruelly changed at birth。
〃I've a strange idea that each other's names We've each of us here got
on。 Such things have been；〃 said PRIVATE JAMES。 〃They have！〃 sneered
GENERAL JOHN。
〃My GENERAL JOHN； I swear upon My oath I think 'tis so … 〃
〃Pish！〃 proudly sneered his GENERAL JOHN； And he also said 〃Ho！ ho！〃
〃My GENERAL JOHN！ my GENERAL JOHN！ My GENERAL
JOHN！〃 quoth he； 〃This aristocratical sneer upon Your face I blush to see！
〃No truly great or generous cove Deserving of them names； Would
sneer at a fixed idea that's drove In the mind of a PRIVATE JAMES！〃
Said GENERAL JOHN； 〃Upon your claims No need your breath to
waste； If this is a joke； FULL…PRIVATE JAMES； It's a joke of doubtful
taste。
〃But； being a man of doubtless worth； If you feel certain quite That we
were probably changed at birth； I'll venture to say you're right。〃
So GENERAL JOHN as PRIVATE JAMES Fell in； parade upon； And
PRIVATE JAMES； by change of names； Was MAJOR…GENERAL JOHN。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： To A Little Maid … By A
Policeman
Come with me； little maid； Nay； shrink not； thus afraid … I'll harm thee
not！ Fly not； my love； from me … I have a home for thee … A fairy grot；
Where mortal eye Can rarely pry； There shall thy dwelling be！
List to me； while I tell The pleasures of that cell； Oh； little maid！ What
though its couch be rude； Homely the only food Within its shade？ No
thought of care Can enter there； No vulgar swain intrude！
Come with me； little maid； Come to the rocky shade I love to sing；
Live with us； maiden rare … Come； for we 〃want〃 thee there； Thou elfin
thing； To work thy spell； In some cool cell In stately Pentonville！
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： John And Freddy
JOHN courted lovely MARY ANN； So likewise did his brother；
FREDDY。 FRED was a very soft young man； While JOHN； though quick；
was most unsteady。
FRED was a graceful kind of youth； But JOHN was very much the
strongest。 〃Oh； dance away；〃 said she； 〃in truth； I'll marry him who dances
longest。〃
JOHN tries the maiden's taste to strike With gay； grotesque； outrageous
dresses； And dances comically； like CLODOCHE AND Co。； at the
Princess's。
But FREDDY tries another style； He knows some graceful steps and
does 'em … A breathing Poem … Woman's smile … A man all poesy and
buzzem。
Now FREDDY'S operatic PAS … Now JOHNNY'S hornpipe seems
entrapping： Now FREDDY'S graceful ENTRECHATS … Now JOHNNY'S
skilful 〃cellar…flapping。〃
For many hours … for many days … For many weeks performed each
brother； For each was active in his ways； And neither would give in to
t'other。
After a month of this； they say （The maid was getting bored and
moody） A wandering curate passed that way And talked a lot of goody…
goody。
〃Oh my；〃 said he； with solemn frown； 〃I tremble for each dancing
FRATER； Like unregenerated clown And harlequin at some the…ayter。〃
He showed that men； in dancing； do Both impiously and absurdly； And
proved his proposition true； With Firstly； Secondly； and Thirdly。
For months both JOHN and FREDDY danced； The curate's protests
little heeding； For months the curate's words enhanced The sinfulness of
their proceeding。
At length they bowed to Nature's rule … Their steps grew feeble and
unsteady； Till FREDDY fainted on a stool； And JOHNNY on the top of
FREDDY。
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The Bab Ballads
〃Decide！〃 quoth they； 〃let him be named； Who henceforth as his wife
may rank you。〃 〃I've changed my views；〃 the maiden said； 〃I only marry
curates； thank you！〃
Says FREDDY； 〃Here is goings on！ To bust myself with rage I'm
ready。〃 〃I'll be a curate！〃 whispers JOHN … 〃And I；〃 exclaimed poetic
FREDDY。
But while they read for it； these chaps； The curate booked the maiden
bonny … And when she's buried him； perhaps； She'll marry FREDERICK
or JOHNNY。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： Sir Guy The Crusader
Sir GUY was a doughty crusader； A muscular knight； Ever ready to
fight； A very determined invader； And DICKEY DE LION'S delight。
LENORE was a Saracen maiden； Brunette； statuesque； The reverse of
grotesque； Her pa was a bagman from Aden； Her mother she played in
burlesque。
A CORYPHEE； pretty and loyal； In amber and red The ballet she led；
Her mother performed at the Royal； LENORE at the Saracen's Head。
Of face and of figure majestic； She dazzled the cits … Ecstaticised pits；
… Her troubles were only domestic； But drove her half out of her wits。
Her father incessantly lashed her； On water and bread She was
grudgingly fed； Whenever her father he thrashed her Her mother sat down
on her head。
GUY saw her； and loved her； with reason； For beauty so bright Sent
him mad with delight； He purchased a stall for the season； And sat in it
every night。
His views were exceedingly proper； He wanted to wed； So he called at
her shed And saw her progenitor whop her … Her mother sit down on her
head。
〃So pretty；〃 said he； 〃and so trusting！ You brute of a dad； You
unprincipled cad； Your conduct is really disgusting； Come； come； now
admit it's too bad！
〃You're a turbaned old Turk； and malignant … Your daughter LENORE
I intensely adore； And I cannot help feeling indignant； A fact that I hinted
before；
〃To see a fond father employing A deuce of a knout For to bang her
about； To a sensitive lover's annoying。〃 Said the bagman； 〃Crusader； get
out。〃
Says GUY； 〃Shall a warrior laden With a big spiky knob； Sit in peace
on his cob While a beautiful Saracen maiden Is whipped by a Saracen
snob？
〃To London I'll go from my charmer。〃 Which he did； with his loot
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The Bab Ballads
（Seven hats and a flute）； And was nabbed for his Sydenham armour At MR。
BEN…SAMUEL'S suit。
SIR GUY he was lodged in the Compter； Her pa； in a rage； Died （don't
know his age）； His daughter； she married the prompter； Grew bulky and
quitted the stage。
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The Bab Ballads
Ballad： Haunted
Haunted？ Ay； in a social way By a body of ghosts in dread array； But
no conventional spectres they … Appalling； grim； and tricky： I quail at mine
as I'd never quail At a fine traditional spectre pale； With a turnip head and
a ghostly wail； And a splash of blood on the dickey！
Mine are horrible； social ghosts； … Speeches and women and guests and
hosts； Weddings and morning calls and toasts； In every bad variety： Ghosts
who hover about the grave Of all that's manly； free； and brave： You'll find
their names on the architrave Of that charnel…house； Society。
Black Monday … black as its school…room ink … With its dismal boys
that snivel and think Of its nauseous messes to eat and drink； And its
frozen tank to wash in。 That was the first that brought me gr