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The warrior whose ennobled name Is woven with his country's fame；
Triumphant over all； I found weak； palsied； bloated； blear； His province
seemed to be； to leer At bonnets in Pall Mall。
Would that ye always shone； who write； Bathed in your own innate
limelight； And ye who battles wage； Or that in darkness I had died Before
my soul had ever sighed To see you off the stage！
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Ballad： Babette's Love
BABETTE she was a fisher gal； With jupon striped and cap in crimps。
She passed her days inside the Halle； Or catching little nimble shrimps。
Yet she was sweet as flowers in May； With no professional bouquet。
JACOT was； of the Customs bold； An officer； at gay Boulogne； He
loved BABETTE … his love he told； And sighed； 〃Oh； soyez vous my
own！〃 But 〃Non！〃 said she； 〃JACOT； my pet； Vous etes trop scraggy pour
BABETTE。
〃Of one alone I nightly dream； An able mariner is he； And gaily serves
the Gen'ral Steam… Boat Navigation Companee。 I'll marry him； if he but
will … His name； I rather think； is BILL。
〃I see him when he's not aware； Upon our hospitable coast； Reclining
with an easy air Upon the PORT against a post； A…thinking of； I'll dare to
say； His native Chelsea far away！〃
〃Oh； mon！〃 exclaimed the Customs bold； 〃Mes yeux！〃 he said （which
means 〃my eye〃） 〃Oh； chere！〃 he also cried； I'm told； 〃Par Jove；〃 he added；
with a sigh。 〃Oh； mon！ oh； chere！ mes yeux！ par Jove！ Je n'aime pas cet
enticing cove！〃
The PANTHER'S captain stood hard by； He was a man of morals strict
If e'er a sailor winked his eye； Straightway he had that sailor licked； Mast…
headed all （such was his code） Who dashed or jiggered； blessed or blowed。
He wept to think a tar of his Should lean so gracefully on posts； He
sighed and sobbed to think of this； On foreign； French； and friendly coasts。
〃It's human natur'； p'raps … if so； Oh； isn't human natur' low！〃
He called his BILL； who pulled his curl； He said； 〃My BILL； I
understand You've captivated some young gurl On this here French and
foreign land。 Her tender heart your beauties jog … They do； you know they
do； you dog。
〃You have a graceful way； I learn； Of leaning airily on posts； By which
you've been and caused to burn A tender flame on these here coasts。 A
fisher gurl； I much regret； … Her age； sixteen … her name； BABETTE。
〃You'll marry her； you gentle tar … Your union I myself will bless； And
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when you matrimonied are； I will appoint her stewardess。〃 But WILLIAM
hitched himself and sighed； And cleared his throat； and thus replied：
〃Not so： unless you're fond of strife； You'd better mind your own
affairs； I have an able…bodied wife Awaiting me at Wapping Stairs； If all
this here to her I tell； She'll larrup you and me as well。
〃Skin…deep； and valued at a pin； Is beauty such as VENUS owns …
HER beauty is beneath her skin； And lies in layers on her bones。 The other
sailors of the crew They always calls her 'Whopping Sue！'〃
〃Oho！〃 the Captain said； 〃I see！ And is she then so very strong？〃
〃She'd take your honour's scruff；〃 said he 〃And pitch you over to Bolong！〃
〃I pardon you；〃 the Captain said； 〃The fair BABETTE you needn't wed。〃
Perhaps the Customs had his will； And coaxed the scornful girl to wed；
Perhaps the Captain and his BILL； And WILLIAM'S little wife are dead；
Or p'raps they're all alive and well： I cannot； cannot； cannot tell。
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Ballad： To My Bride … （Whoever
She May Be）
Oh！ little maid！ … （I do not know your name Or who you are； so； as a
safe precaution I'll add） … Oh； buxom widow！ married dame！ （As one of
these must be your present portion） Listen； while I unveil prophetic lore
for you； And sing the fate that Fortune has in store for you。
You'll marry soon … within a year or twain … A bachelor of CIRCA two
and thirty： Tall； gentlemanly； but extremely plain； And when you're
intimate； you'll call him 〃BERTIE。〃 Neat … dresses well； his temper has
been classified As hasty； but he's very quickly pacified。
You'll find him working mildly at the Bar； After a touch at two or three
professions； From easy affluence extremely far； A brief or two on Circuit …
〃soup〃 at Sessions； A pound or two from whist and backing horses； And；
say three hundred from his own resources。
Quiet in harness； free from serious vice； His faults are not particularly
shady； You'll never find him 〃SHY〃 … for； once or twice Already； he's been
driven by a lady； Who parts with him … perhaps a poor excuse for him …
Because she hasn't any further use for him。
Oh！ bride of mine … tall； dumpy； dark； or fair！ Oh！ widow … wife；
maybe； or blushing maiden； I've told YOUR fortune； solved the gravest
care With which your mind has hitherto been laden。 I've prophesied
correctly； never doubt it； Now tell me mine … and please be quick about it！
You … only you … can tell me； an' you will； To whom I'm destined
shortly to be mated； Will she run up a heavy MODISTE'S bill？ If so； I
want to hear her income stated （This is a point which interests me greatly）。
To quote the bard； 〃Oh！ have I seen her lately？〃
Say； must I wait till husband number one Is comfortably stowed away
at Woking？ How is her hair most usually done？ And tell me； please； will
she object to smoking？ The colour of her eyes； too； you may mention：
Come； Sibyl； prophesy … I'm all attention。
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Ballad： The Folly Of Brown … By A
General Agent
I knew a boor … a clownish card （His only friends were pigs and cows
and The poultry of a small farmyard）； Who came into two hundred
thousand。
Good fortune worked no change in BROWN； Though she's a mighty
social chymist； He was a clown … and by a clown I do not mean a
pantomimist。
It left him quiet； calm； and cool； Though hardly knowing what a crown
was … You can't imagine what a fool Poor rich uneducated BROWN was！
He scouted all who wished to come And give him monetary schooling；
And I propose to give you some Idea of his insensate fooling。
I formed a company or two … （Of course I don't know what the rest
meant； I formed them solely with a view To help him to a sound
investment）。
Their objects were … their only cares … To justify their Boards in
showing A handsome dividend on shares And keep their good promoter
going。
But no … the lout sticks to his brass； Though shares at par I freely
proffer： Yet … will it be believed？ … the ass Declines； with thanks； my well…
meant offer！
He adds； with bumpkin's stolid grin （A weakly intellect denoting）；
He'd rather not invest it in A company of my promoting！
〃You have two hundred 'thou' or more；〃 Said I。 〃You'll waste it； lose
it； lend it； Come； take my furnished second floor； I'll gladly show you how
to spend it。〃
But will it be believed that he； With grin upon his face of poppy；
Declined my aid； while thanking me For what he called my
〃philanthroppy〃？
Some blind； suspicious fools rejoice In doubting friends who wouldn't
harm them； They will not hear the charmer's voice； However wisely he
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may charm them！
I showed him that his coat； all dust； Top boots and cords provoked
compassion； And proved that men of station must Conform to the decrees
of fashion。
I showed him where to buy his hat To coat him； trouser him； and boot
him； But no … he wouldn't hear of that … 〃He didn't think the style would
suit him！〃
I offered him a county s