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after waking up than speak a language he doesn’t speak well。 Most people in the world
are shy； embarrassed； even paralysed when it comes to letting themselves be heard in
languages they speak less than fluently。 An American may master a foreign language to
the point where he considers himself fluent。 A European； however； who speaks a
language equally well and no better will often deny he speaks it at all！
Give an American a word in another language and he’s in action。 Give him a phrase
and he’s in deeper action。 Give him five phrases and he’s dangerous。 Take that American
trait and exemplify it。
Talk。 Go ahead and talk！
Head into your target language like a moth to the flame； like a politician to the vote。
Is the gentleman you’ve just been introduced to from France？ And is French the language
you happen to be studying？ Then attack。
Don’t you dare offer a lame chuckle as you explain in English that you’re trying to
learn French but you’re sorry； you’re not very good at it yet。 That’s like giggling and
telling the mugger who ambushes you in an alley that you’re learning karate but sorry；
you’re not very good at it yet。
It’s okay to tell him you’re just a beginner； but tell him in French。 Learn enough
utility phrases in whatever language you’re studying to profit from every encounter。
Comb through your phrase book （the Berlitz For Travellers series is excellent） and make
it your priority to learn phrases such as “I don’t speak your language well；” “Do you
understand me？”； “Please speak more slowly；” “Please repeat；” “How do you say that in
your language？”； “Sorry； I don’t understand；” and others that together can serve as your
cornerstone and launching pad。
Most phrase books offer too few of these “crutch” phrases。 When you meet your
first encounter； pull out pen and pad and fatten your crutch collection。 Learn how to say
things such as； “I’m only a beginner in your language but I’m determined to become
fluent；” “Do you have enough patience to talk with a foreigner who’s trying to learn your
language？” “I wonder if I’ll ever be as fluent in your language as you are in English；” “I
wish your language were as easy as your people are polite；” and “Where in your country
do you think your language is spoken the best？” Roll your own alternatives。 You’ll soon
find yourself developing what comedians call a “routine；” a pattern of conversation that
actually gives you a feeling of fluency along with the inspiration to nurture that feeling
into fruition。
Hauling off and speaking the language you’re studying versus merely sitting there
knowing it makes the difference between being a business administration professor and a
multimillionaire entrepreneur。
It’s time to apply the parable of the Parrot。
A man looking for an anniversary present for his wife after fourteen years of
marriage found himself in front of a pet shop。 In the window was a parrot； not
particularly distinguished in size or plumage； but the price tag on that parrot was a
whopping seven thousand dollars because that parrot spoke； unbelieveably； fourteen
different languages。
That was more than the man intended to spend but he figured； “Fourteen years；
fourteen languages！” So he bought it。
He went home； mounted the parrot’s perch in the kitchen； and then realised he’d
forgotten the birdseed。 He ran back to the pet shop； bought the birdseed； and then ran
back home； hoping to have everything in readiness before his wife got home。
Alas； she’d already returned； and when he appeared she flung herself upon him in
sizzling affection； shouting； “Darling！ What a marvellous anniversary present！ You
remembered how much I love pheasant。 I’ve got him plucked。 I’ve got him slit。 I’ve got
him stuffed。 He’s in the oven and he’ll be ready in about fifty minutes。”
“You’ve got him what？” cried he。 “You’ve got him where？ That was no pheasant；”
stormed the husband。 “That was a parrot； and that parrot cost seven thousand dollars
because that parrot spoke fourteen languages！”
“So；” replied his wife； “why didn’t he say something？”
And indeed； why don’t you？
Put it in Writing
We don’t know if a peacock is impressed when he sees himself in full display in a mirror。
We do know that you and I are impressed with ourselves when we behold something
we’ve written in a foreign language。
Try it。 If you do nothing more than copy an exercise from your grammar book onto
a piece of paper in your own handwriting； you’ll enjoy looking at it。 You become like a
kindergarten child so enraptured with his paint smearings that he can’t wait to take them
home to Mommy and Daddy。
That’s strange； childish； egotistic – and supremely helpful when you’re learning
another language。 Go ahead and write。 If you can write letters and cards to someone who
speaks that language； so much the better。 If you can write your dinner preferences for the
waiter in an ethnic restaurant； do so。 As soon as you feel sufficiently advanced； write a
note to the editor of the foreign publication you’re learning to read and tell him how
helpful it is。 Write a letter to the ambassador of a country that speaks your target
language and congratulate him on representing a culture sufficiently appealing to make
you want to learn his language。
Carry a special little notebook with you at all times so you can jot down your new
verbal acquisitions if you happen to meet native speakers of your target language。
As a student of Chinese I used to experience a high energy lift by writing the
Chinese characters I’d learned on a blank piece of paper； preferably in red ink。 I still get a
kick doodling Chinese characters； randomly or in coherent sentences； on the margins of
the newspaper I’m carrying or in the blank spaces on the display ads。
Write！ Conquer and consolidate by writing。 The ability to understand a word when
it’s spoken or written； to use that word correctly with good pronunciation； and to write it
correctly makes you the battlefield commander of that word。
Knowing
Jack Benny was one comic who remained beloved； even by his peers； despite his well
known inability to come up with original material。
Once at a Hollywood roast when another comic laced into him with a devastating
salvo that demanded a retort in kind； Benny won the moment by pausing and then saying；
“You’d never get away with that if my writers were here。”
Cute for Jack Benny at a roast； but not really anything we can borrow。 When you’re
in language action and you stumble and lapse into uhs and ahs while the native speaker is
patiently hoping you’ll come through； it doesn’t do to say； “I’d never be in this fix if I
had my dictionary and phrase book with me。”
Everybody who’s ever tried to master a foreign language knows the frustration of
needing the right word or phrase； knowing that you know it； but being utterly unable to
come up with it at the moment。 Just as golfers sometimes break their clubs in frustration；
at some point you’ll want to smash your cassette player and throw your books into a
shredder。 You’ve mastered a neat set of phrases； they flow glibly off your tongue； you
sing them in the shower； repeat them as you dress； review them as you put on your coat –
and suddenly all recollection vanishes in a poof when you run into a friend five minutes
later who happens to be with a native speaker of the language you’re learning and you try
to remember how to say “Pleased to meet you。”
Having the revolver is one thing。 Drawing it quickly is quite another。 To take set
piece knowledge you’ve acquired and have it pop up automatically as instinct under real
game conditions calls for a whole separate discipline。
Coaches stage scrimmages that simulate real game conditions as closely as possible。
Pilots can now train in complex simulators that use some elements of computer games to
achieve the effect of genuine flight。 You； the language learner； can play little discipline
games that will make your knowledge more readily retrievable in live language action。
First of all； why wait for the real life foreign language encounter to spring into
retrieval practice？ As you go through the motions of daily life； ask yourself； “What
would I be saying here in the language I’m studying？” How would you greet the person
headed toward you？ What would you say to the friend she introduces you to？ How would
you thank her？ How would you tell her “You’re welcome” or not to bother or would she
please hand you the fork？ It’s fun and helpful to dub everyday situations in the language
you’re learning。
If you come up short in your practice with words and phrases you’ve already
learned； jot them down on a pad and look them up when you get back to your books。
As you review your cassettes； try to come up with the foreign word during the
pause before the next piece of English。 Put artificia